Things I learned watching 'Disturbia'
1. Talking on the phone while driving is lethal!
2. Peanut butter and Hersheys chocolate syrup does not combine well with Red Bull.
3. There are still retards who fall for the flaming bag of $hit gag.
4. In affluent suburban American neighborhoods hot young girls always get naked in front of really large windows with the curtains open.
5. Cutting the power cable of a TV renders it permanently inoperable.
6. Construction of a Twinkie Tower is listed in the Stalker's Handbook.
7. There is a God, and it wears a very tiny red bikini (or orange tit-curtains).
8. If you've been perving at a sexy girl neighbor, never invite over your nerdy clumsy Asian friend - he will definitely blow your cover then cock-block your moves when the girl is finally in your room.
9. When you bring home a prostitute, throw on some Lou Rawls music to get her warmed up.
10. Little boys usually watch hard porn when their mother is not around.
11. Minnie Ripperton's "Loving You" is the ultimate party-killer, so always keep a copy of it on your iPod.
12. Slim-jimming your way into a locked car is a lot harder than it looks on the internet, especially if you use a paint scraper.
13. If you're a serial killer always keep a dead deer in a trash bag stashed in your garage as a convenient alibi.