Things I Learned in Apocalypto

1. Aggressive industrial mining practices will convert you into a European-American.
2. Ancient American Aborigines had better orthodontic care than NHS.
3. Children are hard to train, hence made lousy slave material.
4. Mother-in-laws have no value
5. Avoid medical counsel from a tribal elder for any sexual dysfunction – they may have a hidden agenda.
6. Indians of America contracted fatal infectious diseases by mixing poor communal water hygiene practices with their entertainment
7. You can determine how advanced a civilization is by studying the diversity of its anatomical mutilation practices.
8. The bravery of the protagonist in a Mel Gibson flick is proportional to the blueness of their body-parts.
9. A pussy, blocked, is a bitch
10. Soylent Blue Tortilla. Yum!
11. Good mothers show their young sons the proper way to vigorously beat a monkey