"Because her actions speak louder than words pre and post first death and they aren't good."
Yeah, but I think a lot of what we're seeing as problems with her are mostly post death.
We all knew she lied to John at least about being a hunter in the past, but as long as we didn't know her, it was something we could forgive, because she died for her sins.
Some people thought that maybe Michael wiped her memories of her deal along with meeting Dean (Not me. I definitely thought that Mary recognizing Azazel in the vision Azazel showed Sam during AHBL was enough to say she at least remembered the deal), but we've gotten confirmation this season that wasn't the case (Although why he erased Dean being there during the deal doesn't make a whole lot of sense to me. They could've just said that Michael erased her memories of The Song Remains the Same, but I guess they needed to have a reason for Mary not to connect with her adult children in any way even if one of those ways was to have her remember meeting Dean on what was presumably the second worst night of her life). That means that for 10 years she knew about her deal, didn't tell John, didn't ward her house, etc., and that raises all kinds of questions about her that maybe we might've wondered about in the past, but again, she died for her sins, so it was forgivable. We could live without knowing, but now that she's here, and none of those issues are being addressed, it makes them stand out more.
She was shown to be a caring mother who cut the crusts off PB & J sandwiches for Dean, made Dean soup when he sick, etc. We were given the idea that maybe Dean's love of pie came from Mary (DSotM). Now we find out that she didn't cook, which is fine, but as Dean's perception of her changes with that one little admission, it calls into question everything we've seen of her through our previous experiences, because we've primarily seen them through Dean's perspective (I'm talking about Samantha Smith's Mary here), and then we find out post-death that she was hunting too, which continues to twist our perception of her, raises all kinds of questions that aren't being addressed, and tarnishes the character further.
We knew she lied to John to varying degrees, but now post-death, we've seen her not only lie to her sons, but put them in danger for her said lies. Remember these are lies she is telling, because she wants to rid the world of monsters for her sons, and yet she was willing to put them and Cas in mortal danger to keep her lie hidden. This casts a shadow once again over what she did in the past, because her lies about hunting and Azazel endangered her entire family (for decades), and she hasn't learned from it yet.
It makes it worse that again post-death we see that she's not at all sorry for lying to her sons. Sure, she comes clean, but then she refuses to admit she has done anything wrong, refuses to understand why her sons don't agree with her choices after she tells them 'it's a better way,' and in fact, takes another crack at Sam on his own when it's clear that Dean won't respond.
To me, the way Mary manipulated Sam into being on her side by lying to him to get him to the bunker 2.0 (thereby separating him from Dean), and saying things she knew Sam might want to hear deep down about having a normal life (She knew he tried to get away by going to Stanford, so she knew it was there), shows how hard-headed and manipulative she is, but not in any kind of endearing way.
As an aside, I think that Sam going to see Mary without telling Dean (If he really thought she was in trouble, he would've told Dean, or I hope he would. Dean's always been his back up), capitulating so easily by the end of The Raid to what Mary wanted by joining the BMoL, lying to Dean most of the next episode until the random GotW guilted him into telling the truth, and then Dean caving (reluctantly) tells me that they're going to have Mary become a wedge between Sam and Dean, because she used Sam to get through to Dean in my opinion, and it worked. She has no reason to think it won't in the future.
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