We all know how to play.
1. Its possible to keep a zombie girl in your office with out raising suspicion
2. Using this same girl you can also bring other people back to life
3. Some video games should not be turned into movies
4. It's possible to make a film worse than 'House of the Dead'. ;)
share13. Self-preservation is not as powerful as greed.
14. Women in co-ed military units have no problem being half or fully naked in front of their male squadmates.
15. Even soft, out of shape guys can be in special forces.
16. Some Sgt. Majors can show their a$$ in front of their commanding officer to prove hoe tough they are.
17. Always trust that a blood sample will not get broken while fighting zombies.
18. Always trust that a second blood sample will not get broken when fighting an about to be zombie.
19. Always get more than one blood sample.
20. Always get your blood sample in an unbreakable container.
21. Use Mosquito repellant when going on a mission involving zombies.
22. Zombies like music.
23. It's hard to get in good football practice with zombies on the field.
24. One can live a long time on chocolate power bars.
25. It was easier to snatch back the first sample from a handful of zombies THAN to fetch a fresh sample back from the lab from a "school building"-ful of zombies. Heck, they could've used the van to run over 'em zombies.
26. Next time, use plastic vials for blood samples.
Better yet, bring Coleman jugs and get as much blood sample as you can. So that...
26. Next time, you can use 'em blood on your body as zombie repellant. No need to bring guns with laser sight. But remember to watch Thriller before a mission, to learn da zombie moves...
27. Next time, just send the main characters to a mission. They don't get bit no matter how big a swarm of zombies are clinging onto them.
28. You don't have to be bitten to become like a brainless zombie... you just need to watch this movie. 8)
[deleted]
35. Whe you have a cruise missile, take no other precautions.
36. When your dinner is ruined because the chef got bit by a zombie, this is to be expected. Don't search the area or take any other steps to find the zombie.
37. No one will notice if an entire college campus disappears over a 29 day period, because they are hermetically sealed enviroments and have no such thing as outside contractors or communications and no one has a family that might miss them.
38. No matter how terrible the first movie it is always a good idea to make a second
share39. You can use a projection clock as a blood testing device.
Seriously, my alarm clock is the exact same thing as the blood testing thingie.
40. Eureka! Even a Trashcan Zombie movie can help a floundering career. Just ask Ed Parks.
41. Thinking up 100 Zombie lessons is tough.
42. If you're going to wear armor that looks like football pads, at least consider wearing gloves and maybe a wristguard. Zombies like to bite those extremities.
43. Every Zombie Movie ever made can be watched with the sound muted with only minimal loss of content.
44. Puff. Puff. Pass.
45. Zombies can cry.
46. Zombies like to hide in Lockers
47. Crawling through grates is always the first place to look for a way in/out
48. If you're going through the grate to get to the other side, why do you first need to go through the zombies to GET to the other side? I'm lost.
49. If zombie blood works as a repellant, why doesn't it work for everyone, um everyone smear up and go!!!???!!!
50. Hot military chicks would always talk about how much they like the guys instead of game plans on how to escape the baddies. Chicks are like that...I guess...
51. doors are made of paper mache when it's convenient for them to bust
52. Zombies don't grab lead characters, they paw.
53. I don't think you'd know by the piercing pain if you were bit...so you might want to touch areas where you may have been bitten.
54. One armed chick zombies are best shot in the chest, oh wait, the head.
55. If I'm bit by a zombie, cut my damned head off...there's just no cure, I mean c'mon get really real here
56. Even characters of the series know that Uwe Boll's story lines are the stupidest thing they've ever heard.
share57. a large crowd of zombie all have the same neck problem that keeps their head tilted backwards adn prevents them from biting.
58. you can survive a large number of zombies falling onto you adn an expl;osion if you look like angelina joile in tomb raider 2 (seriously nightingale is weraing her outfit!!!)
can't talk. eating brains
you can pile up with a bunch of zombies and get out whitout a scratch
share59 Regardless if it's a cruise missile as long as you're about twenty feet away you'll be just fine. Blast radius is a conspiracy theory.
60 Being infected isn't an exact science.
61 Even if you succeed with the mission's objective you will, ultimately, fail.
62 Evidently you can have your legs chopped off, not receive medical treatment for a good six, seven hours, miraculously not bleed to death, and still become the CO of a special forces unit. Despite being a lowly police officer not six months ago.
63 The scientists of the group never, NEVER, know what they're talking about, therefore ignore their advice.
64 When the scientists are proven right (unlikely though it would seem), act like they never once brought up that information.
65 Head chefs are remarkably nice to random passerby's and don't act all that alarmed after being bitten by said passerby.
66 Despite being drenched by a fire sprinkler system you won't be electrocuted if you climb onto a set of steel pipes.
67 Also when fighting zombies, why use guns? Use kung fu, clearly it's the smarter option.
"The hardest thing in this world to keep is your faith in humanity..."
68. If you're part of a science division and about to enter a zombie infested area, you should take a cue from proper military special forces and carry at least ONE automatic weapon. Handguns are just never going to cut it.
69. Before entering a zombie-infested area, watch 'Aliens'. That's how a special forces unit sweeps an area.
70. Zombie American Football is so much more fun than Human American Football.
71. Ellis may look like Ralph Fiennes but he sure as hell can't ACT like Ralph Fiennes.
72. Zombies are inherently humourous creatures. Even when trying not to be.
73. Even though it has been 29 days since the infection killed everyone on campus it is likely that a students cell phone will still ring at some point on the journey.
74. Obviously, even if this is the first time this group of zombies has been encountered, they have evolved so they can chew through your armour.
75. All those years spent training mean nothing as you can be taken down with in a few seconds by an unarmed zombie who is running at you.
76. It makes perfect sense to not protect the single vile of zombie blood that has cost almost an entire team to retrieve in some sort of case.
77. Teens are crummy
78. Even overweight, overly nervously, clearly unqualified men can get into the military
79. A mosquito can transfer the disease but having a zombies blood in your mouth will not get you infected
80. Even in a mist of a major crisis love can blossom
81. "I have a sister" (dramatic music), that one scene will make you want to take a razor to the wrist
82. When Uwe Boll won't make a film...then its pretty clear it was never EVER meant to be made
I Am Jack's Smirking Revenge
83 do not take down the sarge, NOT THE SARGE
84 bart kinda lookes like the rock
85 a high school professor can create a virus that turns people into zombies, and he only picks hot chicks
85 do not believe sticky fingaz if he tells you that he has not been bitten
86 do not watch a movie with sticky fingaz
87 The lead actor looks like a 70's porn star
88 The asian guy always dies first
89 it's fun to take pics with dead girls
.../ `---____________|]
../_==o;;;;;;;;_____.:/
.. ), --.(_((_) /
..//(.)//
.//__//
Have enough courtesy to wait for a fellow soldier to change into a zombie before cutting off his arm. :)
shareWhile making a sweep, if you are an @$#hole soldier, you can always take the time to make crude, sexist remarks to fellow female soldiers. :)
Naked zombie chicks have nice boobs. :)
91. Even the most unappealing character in the entire world has just suggested necrophelia and attempted to betray the team and is now a zombie, don't bother shooting him in the head just give him a weapon and chain him to a radiator.
92. A large group of zombies are hard to hear even when they are right behind you.
93. Black underwear is always sexy and therefore standard issue.
94. Be sure to always stand with your back to dark, unexplored doorways and openings
share[deleted]
95. Never slowly walk backwards with a nervous look on your face.
96. Always put boobs in a movie to make it better.
97. zombies are clearly better at stealth and shadow tactics than highly trained special forces soldiers with years of shadow training and stealth tactic training.
98. librarian zombies are the best dying zombies ever.
99.the blonde chick from "mutant x" is possibly the worst actress in the history of movies ever.
100. the people who made this film are laughing at us. hard. and long. while chugging fat *beep* cigars and drinking expensive champagne... including Uwe Boll.
WHO WATCHES THE WATCHMEN
101. If the zombies can take down the Sarge, its all over
WHEN THERE IS NO MORE ROOM IN RETAIL HELL, WAL MART WILL RUN THE EARTH
-If you see a lone zombie, the best way to kill it is to throw away all your guns and attack it with kung-fu moves instead. You get bitten, but it's all worth it to look cool infront of your friends who thinks you are the new jean-claude van damme.
-If your friend tries to open a door with a zombie behind it and you yell at her to not do it, she can’t hear you even though you stand 5 yards away from her.
-All young female zombies are topless, half naked or naked.
-If you knock an infected team mate unconscious, it is recommended to lock him inside a room. You must also leave him a weapon and plenty of ammo to give him a chance to kill himself. You don’t the need extra weapon and ammo anyway.
-The infected team mate you locked up rather cut off his hand which has been cuffed to a heater instead of using a bullet to shoot the cuffs off.
-When zombies are 50 yards away from you, they stumble towards you. However when they get within 25 yards, they run instead.
-Zombies know how to sob, and lure you into a trap to think they are a scared, helpless young girl.
-If you see a zombie coming towards you at close range, the best way to escape is to remain still and scream your lungs out until it grabs and bites you.
-When you are alone together with your friend in a small room, you are unable to hear two dozens of zombies walking up to you from behind.
-All zombies know basic hand-to-hand combat.
-All zombies can growl and snarl
-Did you know that a half million dollars is actually five hundred thousand dollars?
-If over 100 zombies appear out of nowhere and begin to surround you, you must escape by walking. You are not allowed to run or jog. You don’t need to worry anyway, for you and your friend can simply walk through the crowds of zombies without getting a single bite.
-When you are about to run into safety inside a van which is near some zombies, you must first run and charge the zombies instead of simply enter the van and close the doors.
-A teenage female schoolgirl has acccess to a top secret laboratory via a hand scanner.
-Zombies know how to destroy radio equipment
-When you need to run across a foot ball field and see a few zombies in the middle, you must run through them instead of simply running around them.
-Zombies know how to open AND close doors.
-A sergeant has higher authority to lead a mission instead of 2 lieutenants.
-When you are in a library in a zombie infested city, and you happen to see someone hanging his head over a book, you will assume it’s a survivor and not a zombie. You know it’s the perfect time to hang out at a library and enjoy a good book while zombies are killing everyone
-Your female team mate runs out of pistol ammo, but she has the ability to conjure bullets out of nowhere near the ending.
-If a grenade explodes inside a van and is engulfed by a huge explosive, the fire disappears after few seconds and the van is 99% intact.
-when zombies want to break in doors, they will first group up and start banging on the door. If they fail to break the door down, they will scatter and stumble around for some minutes around the room before they return to the door and try again.
-It takes about 10 minutes for a group of zombies to take down a door made of cardboard.
-when zombie move or run forward, they flail and flap their arms around wildly to confuse you.
-When you only have 10 minutes left before the city is nuked, you somehow manage to slow down time so that 10 minutes actually take over 30 instead.
-When your friend backs away into a zombie and nearly gets killed and then saved by you, she then repeats the exact same mistake 10 seconds later and dies.
-After your body has been eaten by a dozen of zombies, you are still 100% intact and only have some blood stains on your face.
-When the government wants to prevent the zombie plague from spreading, they decide to nuke it, but the nuke is only strong enough to destroy a single building, which happens to be a school university.
-For some reason, the goverment decided to wait exact 29 days before trying to stop the zombie plague.
-If you lost your body from the waist down, including lots of entrails and most of your blood, you are fully alive in the next movie and have managed to regenerate a pair of half legs.