Urgh.....I hate ignorance, but especially ignorance with a heavy layer or arrogance that just makes the commenter seem punchable.
Polyandry - one woman with multiple husbands. This is not polyandry, this is polyamory as stated in the title of the OP.
PolyGYNY is is one man + multiple women and yes. IN the polygamy community we do make the distinction between the three different terms but most smart people realise that a woman with multiple husbands is also polygamy.
But just for fun, let me answer your inane questions since it's so important to you.
- are you and the other women "sister-wives"? Are they your sisters or spouses (the show mentions several times the women are also married to each other), in which case, are you not in fact in a same-sex marriage?
Most people in the plural community do NOT believe the women are married to one another, in fact, I think that statement was an aberration on the otherwise excellent depiction of fundamentalist Mormon Polygamy. If you read and watch a video of Joe Darger (whose wives were an inspiration for the show) he has said that he believes he has three monogamous marriages (but they are all one family).
https://youtu.be/WRJY8CUiPv8However, some other people have this idea that the women are also married to one another and it is one marriage, but that is not common and it is not what most would term polygyny.
- are you the legal wife or one of the concubines (unless you're all actually married, which is illegal)?
In the Polygyny community, religious marriages take precedence over legal marriage, therefore all are wives, there are no concubines. Legal marriage is just seen as a bit of paperwork and not serve any function inside the home. Some polygamists have no legal wife at all and therefore all are religious wives. The 'boss wife' thing from Big Love is uncommon. Generally to refer to a religious wife as a concubine would be offensive. Of course from a legal standpoint there are no other wives but at the same time, in most places, it is not illegal for a man to live and care for his girlfriends/mistresses or concubines so who cares what people think?
- are you OK with sharing a man with other women? Would you be OK with sharing say tooth brush and underwear as well (you may as well be doing so)?
Yes, no, no and no. A man is not a inanimate object but actually a functioning, independent human being with personal agency, but thanks for objectifying a whole gender. I wouldn't share a vibrator either but I guess you would think a man is pretty much the same thing too?
- how do you deal with the fact that you are not enough for whomever you're with? Since he clearly wants other women besides you.
How does he cope with knowing that I would rather not have him all to myself all the time because I have other things I would rather do? Everyone has their own reasons for polygamy, if you think only men have choices than clearly, you don't know plural wives.
- are YOU allowed to have several husbands?
Who the hell wants that???? Trust me, one is more than enough but sure I could, but I really wouldn't want to, it pretty much takes away all advantages to being IN a polygynous marriage.
- who settles disputes and big decisions in the home? Is it a democracy or does the dude have the ultimate say?
Depends on the family, some people believe in egalitarianism and in some families the man is head, pretty much the same as monogamous marriages I should think. From just observation, the more religious the families the more likely they are to have the male as head, of course how much ACTUAL leadership is being done by these men depends on the personalities of all involved, some are the 'Head' in name alone but in general they still function egalitarian.
- do you get veto power over new additions (new "wives")?
I should think that would be safe in an early stage but at some point you really need to trust your husband.
Luckily most experienced polygamous husbands are smarter than that and think of the benefit to the whole family, it is the noobs who tend to lack judgement.
Whether anyone is polyamorous or polygamous the point is, that successful and working non monogamous relationships need honesty, trust and excellent communication to be functional, the characters on Big Love failed over and over with these traits and hence, their relationships were DYSFUNCTIONAL.
They were not dysfunctional BECAUSE they were Polygynous, nor (exclusively) because of religious patriarchy but also just because of who the characters were
annnnnnnd (let's be honest) it creates drama and this was a TV SHOW, if they all worked together in harmony all the time it would not have worked as a TV show.
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desertdude1953
8 years ago
Most people in the plural community do NOT believe the women are married to one another, in fact, I think that statement was an aberration on the otherwise excellent depiction of fundamentalist Mormon Polygamy.
Part of the misunderstanding comes from the fact that even though each marriage is an individual marriage, the husband, wives, and children are all sealed for time and eternity as a family unit. That is different than a marriage, but it is a hard concept to grasp for people outside the Mormon culture.
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