Favorite quotes and moments!

Part 1

[Ewan in a rather gay American accent, about when he was working on Black Hawk Down]
“Look at your arms!”

[Explaining their route across the world]
“How easily it trips off the tongue!” [Mimes going over rough road with a goofy face]

[One of the girls in the office]
“The bikes are coming… in half an hour…” [She does kung fu moves, Ewan does too]

Ewan: Charley has turned over a new leaf about tidiness in the workplace, haven’t you Charley?
Charley: [Dives onto the mess] “What? What?”
Ewan: HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF TIDYING UP AFTER YOURSELF?
Charley: I haven’t finished!

“This guy went up to Charley and he said, ‘Did you know that Ewan McGregor is going around the world in a bike like this?’ And I’m in my helmet, and Charley went, ‘Stuart, he says that Ewan McGregor’s going around the world in a bike like this!’ And I went, ‘Oh is he? What are the chances of that?’”

[Charley’s daughters playing in big bike helmets]
“I’m going around the world on my motorbike!”

[Charley’s mum]
“What a sweet little child you *waer*. And now you’re going through Siberia. You must be nuts.”

Part 2

“It’s very homoerotic in here. It’s a small room. Two grown men.”

“I was just looking at that guy’s bum, thinking it was nice, until I realize it was a guy! Ahhhhhh!”

“I said, ‘Eve, I want you to look after my wedding ring while I'm away,’ and she started to cry and I said, ‘Eve. Eve, I can't wear my ring or I won't get laid on the trip!’”

Ewan: Have you been doing your video diary?
Charley: No… I don’t really feel it.
Ewan: Well, you must do what you think is right, of course.” [Walks into the bathroom, then reemerges] Doesn’t work without my cloak, I need my cloak!

“I’m just homing in on my wife…”

“Scots: inventors of the modern world. You're welcome.”

[Charlie looking down a big well]
“There’s Gollum.”

[Ewan signing a girl’s Down With Love DVD]
“What a handsome devil.”

“I’m just standing naked in the car park right now. Slightly embarrassing.”

“Oh, I’m smoking. Not allowed to do that. I don’t smoke. Children shouldn’t smoke. It’s bad for you.” [Ducks down for a second, comes up and blows out smoke]

[Claudio films Charley in night vision]
Claudio: By the way, you have great eyes.
Charley: Do I? [Makes hilarious weird faces]

[Ewan, about parking the bikes inside the hotel]
“‘Have you got secure parking?’ ‘Yes, just put them in the foy-ay!’”

“Okay, focus, focus, focus. Get the *beep* video diary done here. Arse.”

“Usually people bring coffee – he brought a *beep* machine gun!”

Part 3

“I’m sorry Madonna. There isn’t any more caviar because EWAN’S got it all!”

[In a posh English accent]
“Step aside there! You! Stand aside! We’re coming through! We’re British, don’t you know.”

Ewan: [In a sleeping bag on the floor of someone’s house in Kazakhstan] Charley, is the helicopter waiting outside to take us to the Ritz?”
Charley: Yup.
Ewan: Good.

[On the same floor]
Charley: Goodnight, Chum-Boy.
Ewan: Goodnight, Grandma.

[Ewan, after their first night camping, when Charley was complaining about him snoring]
“I wondered what that small thing up my bum was this morning. I didn’t realize it was you giving me a poke.”

“My mosquito bite has made my face swell up, so I look a bit like Manimal.”

Part 4

[Ewan, about the three of them swimming nude in a river]
“Very liberating. Three naked men in the countryside.”

Ewan: Claudio, there is no problem between Charley and me, Charley tell him.
Charley: There's a terrible problem with us. We hate each other.

Part 5

[Ewan, after loudly eating something from a stick in Mongolia]
“Sorry, this is disgusting to listen to. And to watch.”

[Charley, same place in Mongolia]
“It’s snowing. It’s bloody well snowing. I don’t believe it. It’s *beep* snowing.... It’s snowing. Right now it’s snowing, can you believe it? It’s May, and it’s snowing.”

“This program’s just full of us not knowing anything! Have you noticed? Can’t remember anyone’s names, can’t remember where we are…”

Charley: I woke up this morning and it was bloody snowing, can you believe it? I mean, we’ve had rain, we’ve had mud, we’ve had rivers, we’ve had turned over cars, we’ve had everything.
Ewan: A man came into my room this morning and kicked me in the balls as well, which was nice.

[Ewan, about a large family fitting into a little jeep]
“It’s like a tin of sardines! Actually, I fancy a tin of sardines.”

“I’m feeling distinctly unspiritual about this whole affair.”

“It’s only ‘cause I wanna wank, and I wanna wank in private.”

“Nothing to see here. These aren’t the bikes you’re looking for. You don’t need to see their pass. Move along. Move along.”

“Bad hair never felt so good.”

Part 6

“Jesus Christ, I thought you were a *beep* bear.”

[Ewan, when things are at their bleakest in Siberia]
“Is this where we’re meant to look at each other and smile and remember where we are?”

“’Allo. What’s your name? My name’s Bloody Callous. Have you met my sister Maria?”

“This is where we find Brad Pitt and someone else doing the reverse journey. Behind them, the two BMW GS Adventures. Couple of actors. ‘What are you doing?’ ‘We’re riding to London!’ ‘No kidding! Where did you start?’ ‘New York!’ ‘Sh*t! When’s your show airing?’”

[Dave the producer, when the Russian truck is dangerously hanging half into the river]
“Maybe the Warrior won’t go through…”

Part 7

[Ewan, after someone suggests that he might be too big for a medium lifejacket]
“How dare you…. Do it up, uuuuuuuuh! Make it work, uuuuuuuh! ... How DARE you! Put it on! Uuuuuuuuuuh! .... Always been a medium, uuuuuuuuh! Always will be!”

“I had a skinhead with a long fringe, which is traditionally a girls’ kind of skinhead. So I dyed my hair bright red with this long fringe, and I just looked like a complete shock. I used to wear leggings; dance-like Lycra leggings, with big Dr. Martin boots and big woolen socks… and silk shirts, and… I was a complete state. I liked it! I still like it.”

[Ewan, after his near-death experience on the Canadian highway]
“I’m real inspired about life in general.”
[We see him dancing and yelling in the sidewalk with his shirt over his head]

Ewan: We’re in this place called White Horse. Or maybe it’s not called White Horse…
[At Charley’s room]
Ewan: Charley?
Charley: Yeah.
Ewan: Where are we?
Charley: In a hotel?
Ewan: No, what’s the name of the town?
Charley: Uhh… uh, Something Donkey. Isn’t it? Slim’s Donkey? Knuckle Donkey? Uh, Starving Donkey! Um… I don’t know.
Ewan: Okay, the upshot is that we have no idea where we are. We can’t remember the name of the town… that we’re in.
Charley: It might be on your, on your, uh…
Ewan: It might be on the receipt.
[Ewan looks at the receipt]
Ewan: Hungry Horse! Donkey… *beep* donkey!
Charley: Well, I was close.

Ewan: Tonight we could only get a room for all of us, so that’s Claudio’s room [we see a large double bed], Charley’s bed [we see Charley lounging on another large double bed].
Charley: Yeah, I guess you lost the Rocks Paper Scissors. Show them your bed, Ewan.
[We see a pathetic little fold-out cot. Charley and Ewan are laughing.]
Ewan: That’s my bed. Charley’s bed… [we see Charley lounging on his bed some more] My bed. [We see Ewan’s teeny bed again] Charley’s bed. [Charley’s doing handstands on his bed]
Charley: It’s so big, I can do acrobatics in it!

[Paul Sr. talking to them about being in the middle of Mongolia]
“So you ate where you ever ate, and whatever was there, you ate.”

[Paul Jr.]
“If you run an open belt with no cover on there, yeah, it’ll suck your pants right in sometimes, rip the bottom leg off your pants. But… it’s all good…”

Charley: You looked so good on it as well.
Ewan: You’re just ssaying that!

Charley: I wouldn’t mind hanging out in L.A. for a couple years… get a big communal house… two families.
Ewan: ‘What are we doing today, Uncle Ewan?’ ‘Well me and your daddy are going out on the bikes, I don’t know what you’re doing.’

[Ewan, when he sees the girls]
“Oh my God, they *are* here!”

[Ewan’s wife Eve talking about his beard he’s grown since he’s been away]
“I want it off! I want it off to see you! Oh my God, it’s so bizarre, it’s like not you, ‘cause you’ve got this thing! But it is you.

And finally...
Russ: Let me introduce you to Laurence, from BMW. Laurence, this is Ewan.
Ewan: DAD!

***
So what are your favorite quotes or moments?

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My hovercraft is full of eels.