MovieChat Forums > The Family Stone (2005) Discussion > She didn't mean to be offensive...

She didn't mean to be offensive...

posted 14 years ago by TheLurkingFox
53 replies | jump to latest

To those who think she "didn't mean to be offensive" and her opinion "just came out wrong" during the dinner scene... Because after all, "it's true gay people have it worse, so why would you want to have a gay child?"

1/ Would you feel comfortable if she had been a a Black family table, and asked the mother why she had children? Because it's true Black people have it worse than white people, so shouldn't Black people stop having children altogether? right?

2/ She said "Any mother would like to have normal children" - I don't see how you can "mean something else" and say that.

3/ Not wanting to be offensive is not enough. That's not the point - the point is whether you are or not offensive to people. Saying something racist then saying "I don't mean to sound racist" isn't a disclaimer. If you need to say "I didn't mean to.." or "I don't want to sound..." or "It's not that I am...", then you know you are. Otherwise you wouldn't feel the need to say it.

*****
With the newspaper strike on, I wouldn't consider dying! /Bette Davis/

[–] 12 years ago

[deleted]

[–] deesfeest 12 years ago

What I think happened was that Meredith heard her sister ask a blunt question (at least in her opinion) and the family didn't seem to react to that at all. So she asked a blunt question of her own, not realizing that this was an entirely different subject. I think that Meredith grouped ethnicity and sexual preference together in her mind and thought the family would react as casual to her question as they had to her sister's.

The "problem" I had with this scene, is why on earth would you bring something like that up at all when you are meeting people for the first time and they have been less than welcoming to you in the past 24 hours? She had no allies at the table and she had no right to expect her boyfriend to side with her against his family on something that obviously meant a lot to them all.

If people were to argue semantics, then yes, Meredith was right saying that homosexual children are not normal, because most people are heterosexual, so that is the norm, making homosexuality abnormal in a purely literal way. The way it came across however, was as if she was grouping homosexuality in with a severe handicap or something like Down syndrom and I can understand why the family got upset over this.

I do agree with what someone else in this thread said, the family could not wait to corner her and use her words against her without giving her the chance to explain herself. All in all, I would say there were faults on both sides.

[–] shoegal421 11 years ago

Dees, I agree with you about Meredith feeling more open after Julie's question was well received. She totally put her foot in her mouth, but I don't think it was a matter of her being a bigot. She seemed really nervous the whole time and kept putting her foot in her mouth as a result. The family (or rather, the mom and Amy) were waiting for anything to give them what they thought was a legitimate excuse for hating her.

[–] jnic7594 11 years ago

Honestly, I don't think she was trying to be offensive, and if you think she was, then you don't understand her character very well. She wasn't a mean spirited person. She was just uptight, and trying very hard to fit in with a family that was alienating her. She would not have said something that would have driven them to hate her even more if she was trying to gain their acceptance. Think about it.

I also think she did this to try and "fit in" after her sister asked a question and everyone was kind to her. Her sister asked a sensitive question, but of course, the family just brushed it off. I think Meredith asking a question was her way of showing some interest, like her sister did, but it came out wrong. She got nervous, and then the conversation just got away from her. The more she tried to explain herself, the deeper she dug the hole she was in, but again, I don't think she was purposely trying to hurt anyone's feelings.

Silence is the best reply to a fool.

[–] larpine 11 years ago

Exactly. If you listen to the producer and director's commentary on the DVD, Meredith was never created as a villain, but rather was trying to "Fit in" and engage, yet was coming from a place of hurt having been shut out for past day and a half and seeing her sister so warmly accepted.

What Meredith was trying to say was very valid, but it was the manner and context in which she said it that was her undoing.

[–] wmousie 11 years ago

deesfeest: "...The "problem" I had with this scene, is why on earth would you bring something like that up at all when you are meeting people for the first time..."

Meredith didn't bring up homosexuality, it was the mother, Sybil, who mentioned homosexuality first, when she made the outrageous claim that she had wished all her sons would grow up gay so they would never leave her.

Meredith was trying to question that statement without insulting Sybil when she stepped on their oversensitivity about gayness. Having already decided that Meredith is an inferior person, it was easy to silence her -- if only through lung power and bellicosity -- because she no longer ranked as a human, let alone an invited guest who was due their hospitality and civility.

[–] tyshimah3 11 years ago

This is so very true.! Whether you mean to be offensive or not, if someone honestly takes offense, it's offensive and hurtful.

**Michael.JACKSON**

[–] zoso_uk 11 years ago

This is so very true.! Whether you mean to be offensive or not, if someone honestly takes offense, it's offensive and hurtful.

What complete nonsense. This is just more super PC wrap everyone in cotton wool mentality that is now so prevalent in the western world. It's quite frankly ridiculous. We're supposed to be adults. It would be great if every once in a while people would act like it.

That'll put marzipan in your pie plate, bingo!

[–] tyshimah3 11 years ago

Now that's just ridiculous. So if someone takes offense to something that has been said, they're not being an adult? People can't have feelings that get hurt anymore? Stop.

"Do you even remember what you came here to find?"

[–] Gbolling1984 11 years ago

She put her foot in her mouth but she wasn't trying to be offensive. she should have stopped talking but but she was coming from a sincere place. I think it's funny some folks found her unlikable in this but I actually felt bad for her most of the movie. The family was on the attack from the moment she got there. she dealt with a lot haha

[–] jayhn1111 11 years ago

That family could turn Charles Manson into a sympathetic character

[–] tyshimah3 11 years ago

I did feel bad for her, but she should have just shut up sometimes and realized that his family didn't like her and probably never would have liked her.

"Do you even remember what you came here to find?"

[–] lswirth 9 years ago

I understood what she was trying to say. it is a harder life to be gay, plain and simple. it's unfortunate that it's like that, but it's the sad truth. and I say this really trying not to be offensive, but being gay is not normal. it's not the majority, so therefore it isn't normal. there is ABSOLUTELY nothing wrong with it, but being different from society makes life hard. the problem with what she said was her delivery. she did not word it well. I can see why they were offended, but I truly don't think it was as a big deal as they made it. I felt as though they severely overreacted.