MovieChat Forums > The Family Stone (2005) Discussion > She didn't mean to be offensive...

She didn't mean to be offensive...

posted 14 years ago by TheLurkingFox
53 replies | jump to latest

To those who think she "didn't mean to be offensive" and her opinion "just came out wrong" during the dinner scene... Because after all, "it's true gay people have it worse, so why would you want to have a gay child?"

1/ Would you feel comfortable if she had been a a Black family table, and asked the mother why she had children? Because it's true Black people have it worse than white people, so shouldn't Black people stop having children altogether? right?

2/ She said "Any mother would like to have normal children" - I don't see how you can "mean something else" and say that.

3/ Not wanting to be offensive is not enough. That's not the point - the point is whether you are or not offensive to people. Saying something racist then saying "I don't mean to sound racist" isn't a disclaimer. If you need to say "I didn't mean to.." or "I don't want to sound..." or "It's not that I am...", then you know you are. Otherwise you wouldn't feel the need to say it.

*****
With the newspaper strike on, I wouldn't consider dying! /Bette Davis/

[–] livid_86 14 years ago

eh I don't know. I didn't have a problem with anything she said, even though I disagree with her. That's just, like, her opinion, man. No need to get upset by something she says when she doesn't even know what she's talking about.

Sometimes I doubt your commitment to Sparkle Motion.

[–] 14 years ago

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[–] jayhn1111 14 years ago

You would think that would be obvious that that's what she meant, but in these insanely PC times we live in, everybody has to walk on eggshells and choose their words carefully with issues like this or the PC police comes riding in on the world's highest horse

[–] TheLurkingFox 14 years ago

You mean live in a society where you're not attacked at your own dinner table by people?

Once again, I repeat my point: Would you feel it would have been okay if she had said to a black couple that they shouldn't have children because their life would be much difficult?

That plus what does she know about being gay? I like my life as a gay man. I wouldn't want to be straight.I have nothing against straight people, but I wouldn't want to be straight.

*****
With the newspaper strike on, I wouldn't consider dying! /Bette Davis/

[–] jayhn1111 14 years ago

There's a difference between somebody putting their foot in their mouth and being bigoted

[–] TheLurkingFox 14 years ago

"There's a difference between somebody putting their foot in their mouth and being bigoted"

I agree, but in this case, she was being horribly offensive and bigoted, not just "putting her foot in her mouth", that's what some people on this board don't seem to understand, and that's in turn what I'm appalled by.

*****
With the newspaper strike on, I wouldn't consider dying! /Bette Davis/

[–] jayhn1111 14 years ago

The scene belonged on the cutting room floor to begin with

[–] 14 years ago

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[–] KingNine61 14 years ago

For all of your "learned" bravado, here is my challenge to you:

Approach the next black person you see and ask them if they are a homosexual.

Since, in your world, black people are JUST LIKE homosexuals, I'm sure none of them will be offended.

I'll listen for your name on the evening news... Prefaced by "the horribly beaten."

KnApF

[–] TheLurkingFox 14 years ago

"For all of your "learned" bravado, here is my challenge to you:

Approach the next black person you see and ask them if they are a homosexual.

Since, in your world, black people are JUST LIKE homosexuals, I'm sure none of them will be offended. "

That's like saying that comparing the immunity systems of mice and humans is useless, since mice can't write a book or construct a well-thought-out argument.

Then again, a lot of humans can't do the latter either, as evidenced by your post.

*****
With the newspaper strike on, I wouldn't consider dying! /Bette Davis/

[–] afarr17 14 years ago

I think it's ironic that you've made a point of not offending straight people and then gone on to clearly offend some black people. Maybe you just accidentially put your foot in it. See how easy it is?

I saw an interview with Robin Williams the other day. He said he did a show where he said the Australian accent was a cross between the English accent and a redneck. The Australian leader took offence and said Robin should go to Alabama before calling Australians rednecks. The Governor of Alabama then was offended and told the Australian leader that he should visit Alabama before calling them rednecks. So I guess all this proves is that people have a tendency to step on the feelings of others when getting to the moral high ground.

[–] RainingBlood 14 years ago

I thought what she did was incredibly rude and offensive. What makes it worse is that she said it at THEIR dinner table. No matter what place/where she said it, it would have still been offensive.

[–] megArnold 14 years ago

Absolutely not. She tried to show genuine concern for what she felt was a difficult situation the gay couple was living in. That might have been stupid at that point, because she didn't know that family and how they would react. And given her OCD condition, she couldn't get her point across the way she meant it.

And indeed, everybody in that family stepped in, pretending not to understand what she was about, as if there were no sterotypes, no homophobia etc. to fight at all in their own perfect world. They made a witch-hunt out of the dinner conversation, egging her on to dig her own grave. That was "incredibly rude and offensive". If they had been the least bit sensitive, they would have sensed she was struggling to be nice, but they just took the occasion to waltz all over her.

Good thing she dropped her douchebag "fiancee", who didn't even make an effort to clear up the situation and stand by her side.

[–] cool_splash1 13 years ago

Yet what Julie said about the race of the child etc. wasn't. LOL

[–] StephanieRock 14 years ago

Anyone who tells you that they don't care whether their children are gay or straight is lying.
Anyone would want a straight child.

However, to say this at a table with a family who's son is gay and deaf is very rude and idiotic. She should have kept her mouth shut.

[–] 14 years ago

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[–] TheLurkingFox 14 years ago

"Anyone who tells you that they don't care whether their children are gay or straight is lying.
Anyone would want a straight child. "

YOUR opinion doesn't equal ANYONE ELSE's opinion.

There are folks who would prefer to have a gay kid, and many, many folks who just don't care either way. I know many.

*****
With the newspaper strike on, I wouldn't consider dying! /Bette Davis/

[–] lei3 14 years ago

Ok...you're completely contradicting your statements in the thread you created about how this movie makes liberal's look bad.

Are you a troll?

[–] 14 years ago

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[–] claudia-38 12 years ago

Yes, the point she was trying to make wasn't horrible or mean spirited. I think her first mistake was to address Sybil's comment at all. This was a family dinner. They already had problems with her, so why would she question something so sensitive? BECAUSE, she just saw her sister get away with addressing what could be a sensitive issue, and they embraced it and her. And absolutely, when her boyfriend turned on her....yeah, she should've stopped.
She is socially awkward for sure, but she isn't stupid. But, I feel like in reality, someone would have thrown her a branch, but the writers here had other ideas. There had to be a reason she runs out, and the plot thickens.

[–] Van-Fro 12 years ago

My pet peeve is when people equate sexuality and race. It is such a weak argument, even more so in this example. A white member of a black family wouldn't make anyone's life easier and less challenging. And, pointing out that being gay makes one's life more challenging is not offensive nor bigoted. In the vast majority of places in this country, bigotry reins.

[–] 12 years ago

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