Vincent Gallo is a true ARTIST.

The first 80 minutes of watching Gallo looking totally emo, driving around, riding his bike, and doing other daily mundane activities are some of the most touching moments ever recorded in independent film, and anyone who believes that Gallo is the sort of shallow and pretentious jackass that would slip a real blowjob scene into a movie for the sole purpose of creating controversy and making money is just plain wrong. Like any true artist of genuine sensitivity, he has integrity and cares about his craft.

Also like any true artist, he's a whore. Both his body and his sperm are for sale on his website:

http://www.vgmerchandise.com/store/pages.php?pageid=4

On the off chance that people believe this is a fake, here's the main page: http://www.vincentgallo.com/ It's pretty easy to navigate.

That's right, ladies! For the "modest fee of $50,000 plus expenses," Vincent Gallo will fulfill the dream date of "any naturally born female." It's double that if you want to spend the whole weekend with him ($100,000--what a bargain!) and "female couples of the lesbian persuasion can enjoy a Vincent Gallo evening together for $100,000 or a weekend for $200,000 that will have them second-guessing." Yes indeedy, Gallo is SO INCREDIBLY MASCULINE that he can CONVERT LESBIANS!

But wait, there's more!

For the low, low price of ONE MILLION DOLLARS Gallo will contribute his sperm for the purposes of reproduction for any woman who is willing to pay for it.

Well, any woman who is WHITE, that is:

"Mr. Gallo maintains the right to refuse sale of his sperm to those of extremely dark complexions. Though a fan of Franco Harris, Derek Jeter, Lenny Kravitz and Lena Horne, Mr. Gallo does not want to be part of that type of integration."

And there's a special right now for NAZIS!

"In fact, for the next 30 days, he is offering a $50,000 discount to any potential female purchaser who can prove she has naturally blonde hair and blue eyes. Anyone who can prove a direct family link to any of the German soldiers of the mid-century will also receive this discount."

Oddly enough, though, he has no problem with the idea of his offspring being reared by a JEW because Jewish people are more likely to be successful in the entertainment industry:

"Under the laws of the Jewish faith, a Jewish mother would qualify a baby to be deemed a member of the Jewish religion. This would be added incentive for Mr. Gallo to sell his sperm to a Jew mother, his reasoning being with the slim chance that his child moved into the profession of motion picture acting or became a musical performer, this connection to the Jewish faith would guarantee his offspring a better chance at good reviews and maybe even a prize at the Sundance Film Festival or an Oscar."

He also talks quite a lot about himself as "multi talented in all creative fields" to add incentive to potential sperm recipients. Additionally, he does mention his uncompromised artistic vision The Brown Bunny a couple of times on that page, although oddly enough, absolutely nothing is said about the first 80 minutes:

"Potential clients are advised to screen the controversial scene from The Brown Bunny to be sure for themselves that they can fully accommodate all of me. Clients who have doubt may want to test themselves with an unusually thick and large prosthetic prior to meeting me. You may be surprised just how much you can handle and how good it feels."

And:

"If you have seen The Brown Bunny, you know the potential size of the genitals if it's a boy. (8 inches if he's like his father.) I don't know exactly how a well hung father can enhance the physical makeup of a female baby, but it can't hurt."

Yes indeedy, definitely a true artist who had a serious creative vision when making The Brown Bunny, and definitely NOT someone who just made some home movies while on a road trip, spliced in a few short scenes with some inexpensive professional actresses, and conned his ex-girlfriend into sucking his dick on camera just to stir up the proper controversy to sell a series of otherwise worthless and uninteresting footage.

Further evidence that he's a genius: on his contact page, he says "I have never read a script in my life, including ones to films I've acted in, and ones that I've written and directed." That's right, he's the kind of film maker that takes his craft SO SERIOUSLY that he can't be bothered to actually read a script; he somehow magically writes scripts without reading them. Unlike most professional actors, he won't read anyone else's script, either.

Act now! Supplies are limited. There is, after all, only ONE Vincent Gallo.

Sure, I keep some homemade plutonium in my pants.