we ought to be much more hesitant when proclaiming what someone else's is
I certainly agree with this, as many people make judgments about other people's sexuality based on superficial things (like choice of shoes and haircuts) as well as the complex circumstances of their relationships.
However...
So many lie about their sexuality (and for such a variety of reasons) that I don't think it is ever as simple as "the sexual orientation a person claims to have is the one they are."
Yes, someone can have both same-sex and opposite-sex intercourse and yet identify as gay or as straight, and generally we should respect that, but if someone is secretly having gay sex and putting great energy into hiding it but claiming to his opposite-sex dates to be straight, then I think we all have the right to call bullsh!t on that.
You may as well go to perdition in ermine; you're sure to come back in rags.
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