MovieChat Forums > Queer as Folk (2000) Discussion > Is Brian's Sex Life Realistic? (Serious ...

Is Brian's Sex Life Realistic? (Serious Question)

posted 9 years ago by Linda-Blair-Fan
50 replies | jump to latest

This show actually really really depresses me :( I feel like such a loser or a failure of a gay man whenever I watch this show. I realize it's not a documentary I know but watching this growing up (I was probably too young to be watching this actually but it had been recommended to me by an older gay family member to help give me perspective on the gay community) this gave me the impression that this was supposed to be the average gay man's sex life. Now that I'm older (early twenties ish) I feel like there's something wrong with me if I'm not having anonymous sex with some random six pack abs model in a public bathroom at least three or four times a day. Not only do I not have a sex life like that (public bathrooms, orgies, bathhouses, etc) I don't look like nor have I ever been with anyone who looks like any of the guys on this show. Everyone of them they're all gorgeous young six foot tall underwear models with six pack abs and without even any tattoos or piercings! I probably sound like some whiny uneducated sheltered loser right now but this has been really bothering me for a long time. Can anyone please help shed some light on this for me? Am I that sheltered or is this really the real deal for gay men? I know that the gay community here in my city is pretty small. We don't have bathhouses or gay bars so we pretty much have to rely on the internet here. But is this really the average gay man's sex life? Anonymous sex with lots of strangers in public restrooms on a daily basis? And are bathhouses really like that? Huge gay orgies with underwear models? Serious answers please.

[–] brightwhitehorses 9 years ago

Oh honey, I know you want answers from gay men, which I am not, but a few of my closest friends are and believe me, the show is far from the reality for most gay men.

There is the 'scene' that exists in big cities where men can be fairly promiscuous with a variety of men BUT I lived in Denver and went to gay bars with my buds plenty of times and even in a big city you'd run into the same people all the time.

For my gay friends they really did want to find just one guy to spend their lives with. Everyone dreams of true love but it's hard to find and determine 'the one'. I read an Interview with Randy Harrison who played Justin and he said that he'd never been in a gay bar before the show.

There's nothing abnormal about you at all! This show was really a fantasy written by two gay partners, so take it as fun but not realism.

[–] InherentlyYours 8 years ago

brightwhitehorses
So, you're a straight women . How are you able to explain to the distraught young poster (who is fixated on 6 abs) about gay men when you are not a gay man, and speaking as a go-between based on your gay friends? Believe me, not everyone wants to find the "love of their life", especially gay men. Yet, if a gay men patronized you with how straight life is, you'd laugh and ask how any gay man would know. Classic.

[–] brightwhitehorses 8 years ago

Nobody was responding to him so I wanted to help so I shared my perspective with my lifelong best friend who is gay. I didn't say I spoke for all gay men, just my personal friends.

[–] InherentlyYours 8 years ago

Nobody was responding to him so I wanted to help so I shared my perspective with my lifelong best friend who is gay. I didn't say I spoke for all gay men, just my personal friends.

No dear, here is what you said :the show is far from the reality for most gay men. Most gay men are your personal friends? The word "most" is an important instrumental word to be used with a careful eye.

(however, your personal friends may be patronizing the johns and bus stops, but not volunteering that information, naturally)

[–] brightwhitehorses 8 years ago

Sorry, didn't mean to offend.

[–] InherentlyYours 8 years ago

The OP has not replied once to the "serious" thread. You cannot assume he is genuine, but may be baiting. Or plain autistic, or 12 yrs old, for asking such a naive question in his essay. In any case, he should not be watching the show or using imdb then. But, again, do not assume he is genuine. He didn't thank-you for your help, now did he?

"What do I do?" I don't have a 6 pack".. I have to visit rest rooms? Duh, I am sooo lost.."Oh, what will become of me as a gay man?"

[–] Linda-Blair-Fan 8 years ago

Although I should've thanked not only brightwhitehorses for her kind response, but also everyone else here who kindly answered my "genuine" question, I have been checking this thread daily and the responses from everyone I have read so far have put a smile on my face and made me feel a lot better about myself :) so thank you everyone for the replies. Very much sincerely appreciated.
That being said InheritlyYours, if you must know, I am not 12 years old but 21, I live in a tiny little one horse town, and yes I actually do have autism that I very much struggle with, so excuse me for my "naive" question.

[–] InherentlyYours 8 years ago

That being said InheritlyYours, if you must know, I am not 12 years old but 21, I live in a tiny little one horse town, and yes I actually do have autism that I very much struggle with, so excuse me for my "naive" question

I see. Well, I am sorry to hear that. But, you never returned until I eventually posted that you never returned. We can't assume you have been reading along.

[–] Linda-Blair-Fan 8 years ago

No, but that's beside the point. I didn't feel it was necessary for you to be belittling of me or brightwhitehorses who was just trying to help.

[–] InherentlyYours 8 years ago

No, but that's beside the point. I didn't feel it was necessary for you to be belittling of me or brightwhitehorses who was just trying to help.

Wait, you did not reply since JUNE, then criticize me for saying so. The remaining parties on the board discussed your thread, since you did not.

brightwhitehorses is not exempt from that discussion , and her reply to you was askew. You did not acknowledge brightwhitehorses, we did. So, how do you now, tell me that what transpired between brightwhitehorses and the rest of us is your judgement call? No, it's not beside the point, but very much the point. I did not belittle you; I questioned if you had autism (or other) based on your actions.

[–] Linda-Blair-Fan 8 years ago

My point is, that making fun of someone, for example: "What do I do?" I don't have a 6 pack".. I have to visit rest rooms? Duh, I am sooo lost.."Oh, what will become of me as a gay man?" is in fact belittling.

[–] InherentlyYours 8 years ago

My point is, that making fun of someone, for example: "What do I do?" I don't have a 6 pack".. I have to visit rest rooms? Duh, I am sooo lost.."Oh, what will become of me as a gay man?" is in fact belittling.

Oh, so that's your point. What do you expect; those are the questions you asked, and the sentiment you expressed. And again, you never returned since June. We cannot read minds.

If you feel like you are on the outside looking in, you can visit the big city and explore for yourself, where you will find all the answers. That's how we all learn about life and social interaction. Don't base things on some exploitative silly Tv show.

[–] brightwhitehorses 8 years ago

InherentlyYours do you have a psychological issue that would explain why you are so rude and judgemental towards the OP? I understood where he was coming from so well because my friend and I grew up in a small town in Iowa and would have had similar curiosities.

Now you can go ahead and quote something I've posted and write something rude afterwords.

[–] InherentlyYours 8 years ago

InherentlyYours do you have a psychological issue that would explain why you are so rude and judgemental towards the OP?

How dare you be so rude to judge me, and interrupt the conversation. Is this an emotional-deficiency of yours?

[–] Linda-Blair-Fan 8 years ago

She wasn't interrupting the conversation. I was done. The only one who's being rude and judging here, again belittling, is you.

[–] brightwhitehorses 8 years ago

Thanks for defending me, those were completely normal questions btw Linda-Blair-Fan,don't let anyone make you feel like they weren't. Honestly.

[–] Linda-Blair-Fan 8 years ago

And thank you brightwhitehorses for your kind words :) I'm sorry people on the internet are so rude lol I used to come on here to discuss my favourite movies with fellow fans but as much as I hate to say it it's now become mostly complaints boards :(
On a related note though, believe it or not, a couple months ago I actually found out that an old acquaintance of mine who worked in theatre had been a background extra in a few episodes back when he used to live in Toronto. So I immediately messaged him through Facebook because I had wanted to ask him similar questions seeing as how he had first-hand knowledge having been on the actual set. Some of the stories he had to tell were also illuminating. He explained to me that the producers would actually ask the agents to book the most attractive model-like actors they could find for the sex scenes. Turns out most of them weren't even gay apparently.
About a month or so later after that, I then also asked a friend of a friend who had apparently been in a few bathhouses what they were like and some of the stories he told me also helped me realize what was fact and what was fiction as far as those were concerned as well. So my desire to learn the truth over last few months paid off and I feel much more secure and normal now. To be honest I feel a little silly but I guess I'm probably not the first person to be given a false impression because of a fictional work. I kinda almost wanna delete my original post now out of embarrassment, but I'll leave it in case of any other young insecure gay guy who just came out comes across it and feels the same way or has similar questions.
Thanks again everyone who gave positive feedback!!!!

[–] rascal67 8 years ago

...it's now become mostly complaints boards :(
________________
Really! These threads are not fan sites for any reason. If you hear something you don't want too, it then becomes a complaint??? How selfish and self-entitled of you to expect to hear ONLY what you want too.

Don't eat the whole ones! Those are for the guests. 🍪

[–] Linda-Blair-Fan 8 years ago

Thank you for proving my point? and its 'to', not 'too'.

[–] rascal67 8 years ago

Now comes the grammar correction—ending a sentence in to, too is more commonly used—which usually goes along with the troll and sock accusations. This is just typical of a shallow and vapid posters on here. You commented earlier that you had the notion to delete your ridiculous post which has made you look like a fool. I think perhaps you should take it one step further and delete your whole account. That would be more fitting.

Don't eat the whole ones! Those are for the guests. 🍪

[–] brightwhitehorses 8 years ago

How fun to get to talk to people who worked on the show! I used to do play production for my local theater where some of my friends acted in plays. I learned so many interesting (and useful) things not just about set design, I'd watch auditions and realize how hard it is to find good actors not to mention gorgeous ones that can act and actually make it look natural. I don't know how they found so many good looking people gay OR straight for the show! Can you imagine if there actually were that many hotties in Pittsburgh?

You have nothing to be embarrassed about. Please don't let this troll get to you. Yes, please leave it up for others who have the same question because there are others who wonder the same thing. Notice that he's the only one doing it, some people just get their kicks out of being nasty to people.

[–] Linda-Blair-Fan 8 years ago

Thanks :) haters gonna hate lol

[–] InherentlyYours 8 years ago

And you are rude in a passive-aggressive way. And I doubt you have autism like you said; you seem too manipulative and self-indulgent. You just want to talk about yourself and your precious sexuality, and impose it on the board. How offensive. And no, nobody else needs to hear your life story because they need someone to relate to.

[–] rascal67 8 years ago

...you seem too manipulative and self-indulgent.
____________
I don't think they are smart enough to be manipulating IY; but yes, self-indulgent, and that is to be expected of most narcissists.

Don't eat the whole ones! Those are for the guests. 🍪

[–] brightwhitehorses 8 years ago

Keep talking to yourself, this is just starting to get good.

[–] rascal67 8 years ago

Well I certainly won't be anticipating any intelligent or receptive conversation from you or your smelly sock account Linda_Blair_Fan, so I think you are just deluding yourself that you have something on offer to give of any relevance or importance.

Don't eat the whole ones! Those are for the guests. 🍪

[–] rascal67 8 years ago

Being around "gay" men and having them as friends, is not the same as being a gay male and living life from a gay man's perspective. Many women just think it is trendy and cool to have gay friends; but they have no friggin clue of what it's like to be a gay male. Females can have their issues about how they are perceived in society, but at least they are generally accepted as a whole\gender, as opposed to a male who is homosexual. It is patronizing and condescending when I hear straight women talk about what it's like to be a gay man.

Don't eat the whole ones! Those are for the guests. 🍪

[–] 8 years ago

[deleted]

[–] rascal67 8 years ago

I have never known of anyone real who has had perfect sex every single time....The easiest thing i have ever had to do was give my heart.
______________
You have responded directly to my post, but I'm not sure if that was your intention and if you wanted to respond to the OP. At any rate, I don't even know what this means, what I have quoted from your post. If you could please elaborate.

Don't eat the whole ones! Those are for the guests. 🍪

[–] alejandromolinac 8 years ago

Agree with you! I've been around a couple times. I can tell you some funny stories... Not every encounter is the hot high end gay porn encounter people would think...

[–] brightwhitehorses 8 years ago

I didn't say that I knew what it was like to be gay. It certainly wasn't 'trendy' or 'cool' to have gay friends where I grew up in an evangelical fundamentalist community. I actually do have at least a friggin clue what it was like for my best friend to be gay in a cruel, Christian society just like a sister would have some clue of what their sibling was going through because that's what I was to him more or less. He taught me how to tie my shoes, I was his first kiss, we built a clubhouse and told each other our deepest secrets and went to every school dance and prom together. We moved out together and were roomates for 10 years in a big city.

[–] rascal67 8 years ago

The OP sounds a bit clueless to me—or they are baiting—to feel that there is something is wrong with them, because they don't act like a male whore. I figure they are insecure because "they can't" pull off anywhere near the sex life of a smug, arrogant, conceited and narcissistic fictional character like Brian.

Although you may mean well and have the best of intentions, I think you are coming over as a "rescuer" and perhaps even a phony. Yes, you may understand about 1 gay man's feelings because you grew up with him; but you sound like you are also naive and deluded..."Everyone dreams of true love but it's hard to find and determine 'the one'" ...to think you know how "most" gay men feel. I don't even know if you would be ideal to give advise to another female regarding your romanticized notion of love. Gay men like Brian, are only about f<>king. I'd say focus your energy on your own love life, rather than concern yourself with a big baby like the OP.

Don't eat the whole ones! Those are for the guests. 🍪

[–] brightwhitehorses 8 years ago

And you are InherentlyYours, you use a different account to agree with yourself pretending like you are someone else but you give yourself away every time. What a coward. At least have the integrity to stand on your own without resorting to such childish behavior.

[–] rascal67 8 years ago

Your own immature and deluded attitude is what gives you away. You are a sock account of Linda-Blair-Fan and just wanted to troll and make it appear like you are such a caring and giving person by the "fake" advise you are giving out. I'm not impressed.

Don't eat the whole ones! Those are for the guests. 🍪

[–] brightwhitehorses 8 years ago

Please, your comment history speaks for itself.

[–] rascal67 8 years ago

Whatever! Your comment history isn't even worth reading, you immature smelly sock account of Linda-Blair-Fan . What you contribute isn't even worth contemplating, yet you think you can offer sound valid advise to others. Work on yourself first dear.

Don't eat the whole ones! Those are for the guests. 🍪

[–] alejandromolinac 8 years ago

Thank you!
Funny, I've kissed a couple of men in my time.... But apparently all these straight people have the best gaydar ever. In my company, I've gone out with some of our clients or their staff... Then I make the "he's cute" comment. Then I get the "Yeah he's like not gay"

[–] Billy_Tallent 9 years ago

From your title I'd assumed you were asking about Brian specifically - but Brian it must be said is a sex addict who seems to have no refractory period, which is rare.

But after reading your post, that's not what you're asking. This show is not about gay people in general, but a specific subset of gay people - the ones who like to go to bars and clubs and are more looking for casual sex than any relationship. It's a throwback to the times when being gay was illegal and anonymous sex in the public toilet or park was the best you could expect. The writers grew up in that era. When the club scene exploded, I think there was still that mindset of the casual anonymous hookup. Even today nightclubs, both straight and gay, seem to cater more to the pretty young things who are exploring the world and are just interested in casual sex (I make assumptions here, as I haven't been clubbing in a decade).

However these days I see just as many young gay men, brought up in a more tolerant world, want to have proper relationships, not anonymous flings.

On the other hand, I think there are very definitely two sides to the gay world; some do just want anonymous hookups, and some fluctuate depending on what stage they are in life. As a young gay man in the 1990s I went clubbing and I remember on "men's only" nights the female toilets were for peeing in while the male toilets were for hooking up in. I never went into the male toilets. In fact, only ever had one one night stand.

I don't think there is an 'average gay man's sex life' as you are asking. Gay men come in all shapes, sizes and mindsets. I think there is an expectation on men in general, not just gay men, to be sexual - certainly we have higher sex drives than women and for some sometimes a quickie is just what is needed.

But for myself, apart from that one one-night stand, I've never been into casual sex - I've always wanted a relationship. Same with my best friend who is 38 (I'm 40). We both had some minor success in securing relationships but they didn't last. My friend's relationships were monogamous, but my main one which lasted for 5 years my partner was was classic season 4-5 QAF Brian - driven to succeed, very high sex drive, worked out regularly, and would have casual sex. I understood it as it was only sex and my libido did not match his. The moment I turned around and had my one-night stand, of course, he lost it. Hilarious double standards. But that's another story. Then there was my boss in one job, an out gay man in his late 30's, living with another man, long-term relationship, mortgage, and everything.

I don't know how helpful I have been. I think the public face of gay life and the private reality don't always agree with each other. The truth is there are many ways of being a gay man, probably more than there are of being a straight man. But not all ways are for everyone.

[–] Mayesgwtw39 9 years ago

Sex can be an easy thing the in gay community. But the whole Q AF experience that Brian has, is just a wet dream fantasy. Nobody has that easy of a time just crooking a finger and having someone come their way. It can happen, but not with the frequency with which it is depicted in the show. And besides, a lot of people would have to be into his type for him to never get rejections...until Brandon comes along.

Do not be discouraged. Even the most conventionally beautiful man has more strikes than hits in real life.

"Our Art Is a Reflection of Our Reality"

[–] mhenderson22 8 years ago

Brian's sex life was part of a hollywood fantasy- not very realistic. The frequency and easiness he had in achieving was pretty unrealistic. Also the type of men he was bedding was not exactly what would have been happening in real life. He would not be bedding nothing but fit, gorgouse ripped men nightly- they are prevalent in our community,but not by that amount. especially givin the location of the setting. Now if it was in LA or NYC, this aspect might be slightly more realistic. No matter how big the city, you are going to run into the same people (Regulars) at the bar/club and after going for awhile, the amount of people you haven't hooked up with is going to get fewer and slimmer.

[–] 8 years ago

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[–] mhenderson22 8 years ago

And let's face it- Brian wasn't all that. He had the whole masculinity thing going for him, but he wasn't especially attractive, nor was he really built or had much of a body. Just average really.

[–] 8 years ago

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[–] smooth_op_85 8 years ago

I don't think so. Even some of the most attractive guys I know have nowhere near as much sex as Brian is portrayed to have

[–] heaintloveu 8 years ago

I just didn't think it was realistic that condoms were almost always shown as being used

[–] ADBruns 8 years ago

Don't pigeonhole yourself. I'm gay, early thirties. I've had many adventures, but nothing like Brian's. However, if my life were filmed and edited, it could probably be made to look that way.

My big point is, remember, everyone is different, regardless of walk of life. All the gay men in the world, being gay men is the one and only thing all of us would have in common. Your older family member was trying to help, but it would have been better to have an actual conversation with you. This show is meant to fill a particular niche, and most TV actors are attractive. Just live your life as you are and quit comparing yourself to fictional characters.

[–] 8 years ago

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[–] 8 years ago

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[–] alejandromolinac 8 years ago

Like others have said, this is a fantasy. Like straight boys pretending to be superheroes. Usually people having sex in back rooms are not really the most attractive.. I live in Ft Lauderdale, now the gay bars have gone from more diverse men wise to older retired types and the hustlers who live off of them… And yes, if you are out and about, you run into the same people… Then you see the ones who are at the bar all the time…

I was the kind who wanted something sweet and meaningful, tried it, put myself out there, stepped out of my comfort zone but never succeeded. I am not needy, nor i chase people who obviously don't want anything to do with me. Then I got into the party mode, kissed a boy or two. It was hot, but ultimately not fulfilling for me personally. As a grown man, it's alarming to see the type of behavior Brian has, doesn't really have an emotional effect on him, nor he ever grows…

Don't get me started on his work life and the art scene of this show. It's very glossy, glamorized and overly romanticized… Brian does the job of 5 people in an agency, his answer is always to put a man in a speedo… Justin is portrayed as a gifted artist who is the most talent thing since Michelangelo… And he knows how to read art on a whim… I went to art school, me and my colleagues have gotten good with age and practice…

Don't stress yourself out, you know what you want. Yes kissing 2 boys at the same time can be fun. As you get older you get more self reflective in your actions. But at the end of the day, you war people around who will have your back.