Things Learned From This Movie

1. Christmas is for families.

2. Don't tell your girlfriend you don't have family and she won't question it until you try to take her to Fiji for Christmas.

3. Even if you're not close to your associates, keep their numbers anyway so you can try to finagle an invite for Christmas.

4. Bakalava isn't Greek.

5. Try to snag a quick session from a psychiatrist while he's at the airport.

6. Stay in your room downloading porn and your mom will think you're learning new job skills.

7. If you think someone is trying to burn down your house, don't call the cops. Just knock the guy out with a shovel and let him lie by your front door, making your wife think you've killed him.

8. The best thing to call a squeaky stair is..."the squeaky stair."

9. It's Ok to accept a bribe to be someone's fake family without asking your spouse if you're going to get 250 grand.

10. A lawyer can make a contract for your fake family.

11. If there's no sister in your fake family script, she has to be the maid.



OK, what did I miss? Feel free to add. That's what posts like these are for, I think many of you know.