Troubled

I used to like this film but on watching it again a few years later, I’m troubled by it. What changed between now and then? I met someone and now we’re getting married. When I was single, I’d watch this film and think ‘wow. It’s so romantic. He just knew that she and he were destined to be together and now they are.’ And now? Well, I think that if my fiancé suddenly announced, days/hours before our wedding, that he had met someone about a year after we met, spent a ‘perfect’ afternoon with them and now, years later and even after proposing to me, still wonders if she, rather than me, was actually the one for him... Well, I’d be devastated! And I’d think he was a complete b*****d. Saying ‘it’s fate’ is not a valid excuse, I’d be like ‘how can you possibly know what a person is really like after such a short space of time? And how can you possibly remember?’ It’s not sweet. It’s not romantic. It’s someone too afraid to make a commitment. What a catch! Of course this other person seems perfect. They are. They’re a perfect fantasy that no reality could ever live up to.

What we’re really dealing with in this film are a man and a woman who are both dating unsuitable people or the relationship has changed over the years so that now they both feel ‘stuck’ with a person they’ve outgrown and have been outgrowing for a while, but they’re too scared to admit it or contemplate the idea of being alone. True, both Sara and Jonathan did break up with their respective partners before they were reunited (or know that they would be) and that’s how it should have been. The problem is, they should have done that a long time ago and it should not have taken a third person to have prompted that. Forget fate, forget destiny, here we have two people who were dissatisfied in their relationships and it was that dissatisfaction that prompted them to flirt and find each other attractive. Personally, I think if you’re in a good relationship where you’re both happy and make time for the other person, you shouldn’t find yourself attracted to anyone else.

Obviously I think it’s good that Jonathan and Sara found each other but thank God they did because if they hadn’t, I’d pity them and anyone else that they decided to have relationships with in the future because they’d continue to look over their shoulder and hold on to the impossible fantasy of each other, and in so doing could miss out on being with someone truly amazing. No, I don’t speak from experience but I’ll tell you this. A friend of mine had been dating a guy for a few weeks. He was someone she’d known for a while and had always liked so she was ecstatic when they got together. Shortly after they were first intimate, the guy dropped a bombshell. He’d bought a ticket to Canada to go and see a girl he’d dated very briefly a few years before. The relationship had ended when she needed to fly home but he never forgot her and before he could even contemplate a ‘serious’ relationship with my friend, he needed to see her one more time to ‘see if there was anything there’. Well, my friend as you can imagine was far from supportive. So what happened? Well, he did go to Canada and he did spend two weeks with the girl and flew home even more confused than he was when he first left. He saw her a couple more times but two years later, they (he and the girl from Canada) are still not together. Why? Because he can’t let go of the fantasy and he’ll continue to look for that in every relationship he has and wonder why he never finds it.

I’m reminded of a quote from a character in another romantic comedy, ‘Sabrina’, who says: ‘Fantasy people are dangerous. They have no flaws.’

"He murders his wife every night. Other than that, I think he's pretty harmless."