Taking Notes While Watching the Film

I haven't seen this in a few years, so I figured for laughs I'd pop it on today and give it a watch. Especially as it's the only film on the 15-Disc Deluxe Blu-Ray Set I bought that I haven't watched.

For fun I decided to take notes on my phone while watching, since I remembered it being bad, but I wanted to see how this watch compared to my memory of the film.

Dear god, I remember this being bad, but not THIS bad...

I'm only 28 minutes in, and here's the highlights of my notes this far...


Halloween: Resurrection Notes (28 minutes in Thus Far)...

-Theme song is just a "noisy" redux of the classic theme. Not "noisy" as in loud. "Noisy" as in they unnecessarily added a lot of sounds and bad audio mixing effects.
-Ret-Con work is far too lazy. Makes last film feel pointless.
-Actress giving the ret-con narration is really silly.
-Very messy pacing. Poor editing. (Cutting abruptly from the security guard putting the lunatic in the clown mask back in his cell to the same security guard in the office gave me whiplash)
-Camerawork is boring and shot-composition is very basic and bland. Too much holding on long, boring shots.
-TOO MUCH artificial slow-motion created by repeating frames. Not even through the prologue yet and there's enough of it to sink a ship. (Padding to extend runtime possibly?)
-Prologue sequence is somehow both short and briskly paced... yet also aggressively boring.
-Security characters are incredibly vapid. (Walking cardboard cut-outs)
-Michael has evidently turned into Speedy Gonzalez.
-Michael kills a guy, decapitates him, puts his head into dryer and expertly sets up his body to make the other guy trip over it in like 5 seconds?
-Laurie's death feels very contrived and weak.
-Music when Laurie is stabbed is just goofy-sounding.
-Movie takes 17 minutes to get to the actual story. Prologue overstayed its welcome, especially as it was just a big 17-minute slap to the face. Movie is only 90 minutes. About 20% of its runtime shouldn't be irrelevent to the main plot.
-Sarah's intro scene in classroom is competent. Immediately ruined by head-scratchingly stupid scene of her driving a moped on campus for no reason.
-Next female character's intro is ok, but she's incredibly irritating.
-Character dialog in kitchen scene is really hackneyed and trite.
-Movie thinks it's cheeky and "modern" by referencing The Osbournes. Movie is wrong, it's actually condescending and trendy-to-a-fault and just instantly dates the film.
-"Don't do it! That's the house where it all started..." guy is hilariously over-the-top. Movie earns good-will points for unintentional amusement.
-Now he's just creepy for playing with the girls panties.
-Now he's just annoying with his "Mahhh!" noise. Character was purposely acting weird and over-the-top to scare other characters. So movie loses good-will points because the unintentional amusement was revealed to be a bad attempt at a real joke.
-Deckard has moon wallpaper?
-Deckard looks 25.
-"OMG! Deckard and his friend talking about internet porn like it's a new thing! Look at how cutting edge and modern we are! No other movies or shows ever talk about that! This won't date the movie at all!" -Screenwriter's internal monologue while writing Deckard's intro scene
-Introducing "DangetTainment" in an email sort-of works but there needed to be more establishment beyond just seeing a logo.
-Sarah passes screaming jack-o-latnern. Camera lingers on it for no reason. Screaming jack-o-lantern is screaming. And the point of that?
-Busta Rhymes. 'nuff said.
-Earlier they said Sarah and the others got the parts in the show... but they got them before the casting call was even done? No.
-Casting Call scene is more of a roll-call of all the cliches we'll be meeting.
-Can anybody in this movie act? Please?
-Busta Rhymes seems to think he's on-stage rather than on-screen with his over-enunciating and loudness. You don't have to play it big enough for the back row to hear you, dude. This is a movie.
-Did she just break a glass by screaming? What the ****, movie?!
-Busta Rhymes watches Kung Fu movies. Surely this means he'll have the power to fight Michael because watching movies makes you an expert on something.

NOTES ON NEXT 10 MINUTES

-Sarah is inexplicably dropping out of show for no reason other than she's "not like the others."
-Nevermind, Sarah just-as-quickly decided to stay on. Well, that was 2 minutes of screentime wasted.
-Please stop over-enunciating your words, Busta!
-Scene of the girls trying on clothing is actually borderline-charming for a few seconds. This is almost immediately undone by a random and completely nonsensical Michael Myers false jump-scare in the mirror.
-Movie thinks that jumpscares = horror. Movie is wrong.
-Oooo, they totally said the word "boogeyman"... that means this is totally a real Halloween movie and not just a shallow cash-grab.
-Sarah makes pouty model-faces while looking out the window to where she thought she saw Michael because the actress can't act scared.
-Deckard's friend is a future MRA with his nasty dialog about women. No wonder he came across like such a dirtbag in his opening scene.
-Palm Pilot alert!
-JESUS! Even the first shot of the palm pilot seems to be in that lazy frame-repeating slow motion! STOP IT MOVIE!
-Characters act like they've never seen cameras before in their lives when given pin-cameras and play with them like 5 year olds.
-Sarah's friend seems only mildly annoyed with being blatantly sexually harassed by the guy sticking the camera down her top. Movie thus trivializes blatant sexual harassment by turning it into a joke. Bad movie! That's a bad movie! Go in the corner and think about what you did!
-Girl says "Cameras are so phallic..." What she really means is "dialog is so pretentious."
-Cameraman setting up cameras thinks low angles and high angles are automatically scary. Cameraman sucks at his job.
-Tyra Banks can't dance.
-Tyra Banks inability to dance while she makes coffee keeps her from seeing the cameraman's death on the monitors.
-Tripods like that don't suddenly spurt massive death-spikes.
-Movie intercuts cameraman being stabbed in throat with Tyra squirting whipped cream on her coffee. Is this some sort of contrived attempt at a statement or visual metaphor, or is this just lazy filmmaking? I'm guessing the later.
-Yeah, no, sorry, but I don't buy it movie. There's no way she never once turned or caught a glimpse of the cameraman dying or having his body slowly dragged away in the monitors.
-Movie thinks randomly adding static and digital artifacting glitches to camera footage is scary.
-Tyra thinks a wobbly, poorly framed camera shot where a third of the frame is taken up by the VISIBLE tripod is a "nice shot."
-So like a day or two ago, Sarah and the others were cast (again... before the casting call!), then they went to the casting call... then the show starts filming like a day later?!?! This makes no sense. These things take weeks or months to set up, and you don't just go from casting one day (somehow BEFORE the casting call) to filming the next day. Even if I misunderstood and Sarah wasn't officially cast yet when she went to the casting call (even though the implication seemed to be that they were), the fact still remains that casting was only done like a day before filming, given how much equipment is being set up in the house. That's far too last-minute for a show like this. DangerTainment sucks as a production company if this is how they handle things.
-There's either too much or not enough press at the Myer's house, and I can't figure out which. The movie has been implying that this whole show is some sort-of last minute thing with how quickly casting/etc. was done before filming. So there shouldn't be anyone there. But if this was a planned show that had built up publicity then there should be more press there. Movie is racking my brain with its stupidity and inconsistencies.
-Main characters "suiting up" scene with the cameras features comically over-produced sound design.
-Characters enter really cheap, shoddy-looking set... erm, I mean "enter the Myers house."
-Random stock-electricity sound a few seconds after they enter? ...the hell?
-Fake jumpscare within 30 seconds of characters entering doesn't bode well.
-Characters are all instantly unlikable.
-"Voted off the island" reference joins the ranks of the earlier Osbournes reference.
-Character who entered reality show sits down and says he doesn't want to do anything but sit there because the rules of the show are "they only have to stay there." That has to be a breach of contract in some way. Also, that means the characters don't understand reality shows. And it means neither do the screenwriters.



And FURTHERMORE, this is my signature! SERIOUSLY! Did you think I was still talking about my point?