Hilariously bad 🤣


I say this as both a Braveheart fan and as someone who does not roll their eyes at patriotic movies, and even thinks we need more of them. This film is atrocious.

None of the characters feel real, they’re all utterly one-dimensional, especially Issac’s cartoon villain. This has less sophistication than your average children’s film.

Gibson’s ultra wholesome rural family, his squeaky clean love interest, the happy black slave who saves a racist Southerner, the cackling English villains. The story is just a ticker-tape of entirely predictable clichés. Nothing rings true.

Gibson running with the flag at the end in slow motion 🤣

The only things that made this 3-hour slog just about bearable were:
Gibson’s natural movie-star charm.
The initial woodland rescue mission where Gibbo shoots and hacks though 20 ‘baddies’.
Tom Wilkinson’s Cornwallis, who almost stretched to having 2 dimensions.
Their scene in which Gib dupes Wilko into freeing his men.
The balls to kill off two of Gib’s sons and burn a church full of villagers.
Cannonballs graphically taking out heads and limbs.

That’s about it.

What makes everything worse is that this is ostensibly a ‘historical epic’ when it’s really just revenge porn cynically wrapped in the flag to maximise the hand-on-heart dollar.

They basically just got Roland ‘worst director ever’ Emerich to remake Braveheart, dumb and water it down, pander explicitly to flag-wavers, and judging by the rating it worked like a charm.

reply

It's a great movie

reply

No it isn’t, for the reasons I’ve just given.

reply

No, actually he's right, it's a great film.

It's a Hollywood version of history, but that's fine. It's entertainment and The Patriot is damned entertaining. Love it.

It's probably Roland Emmerich's second-best movie after Independence Day.

reply

No, it’s dogshit for the reasons I just gave.

The historical inaccuracies are the least of its problems. Independence Day is lightyears better, and is Emerich’s only watchable film.

reply

No, you're dogshit as critics and box office prove you alone and a stinker.

reply

No, it’s dogshit for the reasons I gave above, none of which you’ve addressed. Critics were lukewarm on it at best, and any success was down to the cynical forced ‘American Braveheart’ jingoism that I, again, explained above.

reply

The only reason you gave is that you don't think the story and its characters "feel real" or "ring true." That's your own subjective feeling. Clearly other viewers don't have that feeling.

I don't think The Patriot feels any less true that any other melodrama, which is what it is.

reply

I said those things plus a series of objective observations that explain why that is the case.

The Patriot pretends to be a historical epic, and I’m pointing out where it falls short on that level, and why it is yet another example of Roland Emerich’s objectively terrible filmmaking.

Despite these criticisms, I generously listed its strong points and didn’t even go for the historical inaccuracy jugular.

I’ve been more than fair yet you insist on defending this insultingly bad film which takes you for an idiot or young child 🤷🏻‍♂️

reply

LOL. Well now I know you must just be trolling. Personal insults are a dead giveaway.

reply

I didn’t deploy any ‘personal insults’, if you feel insulted that you like an aggressively bad film then that’s on you, not me.

reply

To be fair, I think I may have misunderstood you. I apologize.

Forget the critics and just look at how audiences have reacted--an 81% audience score on RT and a 7.2 on IMDB--and it should at least become clear that you are in the minority in thinking that the film is "aggressively bad."

You've stated some complaints and then followed up this by saying that they are "objectively true." These complaints yourself summed up as, "The story is just a ticker-tape of entirely predictable clichés. Nothing rings true." You may be right--objectively--that the film utilizes clichés to tell the story, but saying that "nothing rings true" is objectively true is in fact objectively false. Rather, it is your subjective opinion.

As I said, the film is a melodrama. A quick search renders this definition: "a sensational dramatic piece with exaggerated characters and exciting events intended to appeal to the emotions." You see? Melodrama. That's what The Patriot is and it's a long-standing, legitimate form of storytelling. There have been many such great films throughout the years.

At the end of the day, the most important thing is whether or not the viewer was entertained. It sounds like you were not. I was, immensely, and have been entertained every time I've rewatched it.

reply

Of course audiences reacted well - it’s revenge porn wrapped in the flag to secure the hand-on-heart dollar, like I said. Its popularity in no way stops it from being aggressively bad.

Avatar was wildly successful, yet it’s tedious Dances With Smurfs eco-propaganda and easily James Cameron’s worst film. Popularity doesn’t equal quality, and that should be immediately obvious.

Most junk food entertainment can be called ‘melodrama’, so what? The Patriot strives to resemble a historical epic but it’s wafer thin tat, to say nothing of its egregious historical inaccuracies.

I’m glad you enjoyed the film, but it’s utter drek from Roland Emerich, one of Hollywood’s worst ever hacks.

reply

Your derogatory generalizations do not resonate with reality as the movie is well liked by the general public and critics.

reply

You're a clown.

reply

Good movie. Could’ve been great. They should’ve put together the team that produced Braveheart. There was just a bit too much over the top dialog.

The “stupid boy” scene was just a bit too much. And if the guy was that evil he wouldn’t have said anything. He would’ve just had the kid shot and rode off.

Near the end when the white racist dude is like “I’ll stand by you anytime” or something like that to the black dude. Just stand by him. Shake his hand. Why do directors feel the need to spoon feed lame dialog to the audience like they’re retarded.

Those 2 bits of dialog were so cringe. Still are.

The families were a bit too pretty. The super model sister. Heath Ledger. That daughter. I mean cmon it was the 70s. The 1770s. They looked like they just walked out of 2000s GAP ad.

Still enjoyed the movie. The battle scenes and old ships shots were good. And Mel will always be a badass.

reply

Mel will definitely always be badass. I just saw him recently in Boss Level. Small role, but he was still bad ass even as he approaches 70-years-old.

reply

Yep, those were atrocious moments, the kind you’d expect from a children’s TV show. Last Of The Mohicans this ain’t!

reply

[deleted]

I agree, this movie is pretty bad and it also doesn’t really seem to know what it wants to be. One minute it’s all campy and light hearted and the next minute it’s freaking sadistic (which is highly inaccurate by the way). This was a really bad Braveheart rip off, sure Braveheart took many liberties with history but it at least told its story well, The Patriot did not.

reply

I always forget how wildly the tone in this film swings all over the place until I watch it again. It's schizophrenic. And very off putting.

reply

Perhaps it’s because you’ve got a decent screenwriter (Robert Rodat who wrote Saving Private Ryan) and an overgrown toddler for a director in Roland Emerich.

I don’t know what the hell happened but you’ve got a film that aims for a child’s IQ and EQ, coupled with some pretty sadistic sequences and graphic violence, kind of like one of those freaky Manga films.

All I know is that moments into the film I could sense something was wrong, despite the lavish production values, then once Isaac showed up all bets were off - this was a piece of shit.

It’s only value now is that of a hilarious unintentional comedy!

reply

Love this awesome movie. But you're right about everything you said. It's got flaws a plenty. But I still enjoy the hell out of it.

reply

I applaud your ability to acknowledge the movie as dreck yet admit to enjoying it.

I always think there are two scales:
1. How good is a movie?
2. How much do I like it?

Ignoramuses think the two are the same but they’re not. There are plenty of good films I don’t like (like Pan’s Labyrinth and Amarcord) and shit films I like (like Hudson Hawk and Howard The Duck).

reply

I like this movie.
You can say , related to the historic event, that it is not accurate enough (the massive support of the French or to a lesser extent of the Spaniards or the number of loyalists is not reflected right).It has been made more for the American audience but it is a good one.

Jason Isaacs and Tom Wilkinson were perfect here.

reply

I saw it in the theater and have rewatched it several times over the years. I in fact just rewatched it last night for the time in a while. It remains an awesome movie.

I'm sure there are many historical inaccuracies but that's not why I went to see this film. I went to see a sentimental spectacle and I got what I paid for.

I don't get other people's negativity for the film. In my opinion, it's a hell of a movie and a lot of fun.

reply

You can almost hear Roland Emerich snickering - a German who made a ‘deeply patriotic’ but utterly terrible movie for Americans to devour, raking in the cash.

reply

I could kind of tell it was going to be like that after about 10 minutes, which is the point at which I gave up on it. Well done for struggling through the whole thing!

reply