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1000 Things I Learned from Any Given Sunday

posted 14 years ago by theHRguySAYS
17 replies | jump to latest

1. starting and winning two games automatically gets you exclusive interviews, endorsement deals and a r&b/rap single.

2. willie forgot his invisible juice

3. we did win the pantheon cup, though

4. NFL owners generally let their franchise quarterbacks hit the open market, and sign with expansion teams in new mexico.

5. washington was a great football player, but now hes dying inside.

6. willie should have thrown to T.O. more and not Bill Bellamy.

7. Sharks & Ronneys retirement due to injury, Julius & Beamen leaving via free agency - The Nick Crozier era did not start off well.

8. Jesse Spano's life got off track after high school.

9. its possible to have your eyeball ripped out of its socket in football

10. in order to show realism in an NFL locker room you have to show as many cock and balls as possible....and then have a shot of men at a urinal with a towel on the immediately with one off...

@theHRguySAYS

[–] stefokas 14 years ago

This movie is so not about all of those things,and you are some kind of hater

[–] perez24 11 years ago

11. O-linemen are all tattooed freaks regardless of color and love metal bands. (Wait...that might actually be true).

12. 3rd string QB's are totally unaware of what's happening the game.

[–] stockjacob 11 years ago

13. Head football coaches are shady characters who beg players to go out and play injured. They also tend to like hookers.

14. SUV's can easily be cut in half by a chainsaw.

[–] armyants999 11 years ago

15. Small alligators are permitted inside locker rooms.

[–] jefgg 11 years ago

16. Pro football teams seldomly kick extra points, field goals or punt.

17. Head coaches do not realize that their quarterback has been changing the plays.

18. Teams have the same uniforms for both home and road games.

19. A small market like Albuquerque can get an expansion team.

20. Head coaches have to pay for sex.

[–] RaiderDuck 11 years ago

21. A team and the entire sports media establishment will be completely unaware that a star quarterback has signed with another team until the outgoing coach announces it at his farewell press conference.

22. They will also be unaware that the coach has already signed a contract with said team.

22. Apparently, there is no such thing as tampering.

23. Dallas has some seriously hideous uniforms.

24. When a team's orthopedist is fired, the internist will take over his job, even though the two are completely different specialties

25. During halftime, a young quarterback will completely ignore the offensive coordinator's detailed play breakdowns and instead watch the defensive coordinator yell at his charges.

26. When the third-string QB calls an audible that nobody else on the offense has ever heard of, none of them will think to call a timeout.

27. A 39-year-old quarterback recovering from back surgery can still fetch a second and third-round draft choice on the trade market.

28. Offensive coordinators cost "a ton of money."

[–] foster1234 11 years ago

29. Hookers in Miami accept personal checks as payment for services rendered

You don't have to stand tall, but you have to stand up!

[–] Lovetvshows 11 years ago

30. A hooker will continue in her chosen profession rather than becoming a coach's steady girlfriend.

[–] Prismark10 11 years ago

31. White football players who hate rap music will carry an alligator around.

32. Football players will play with broken necks

Its that man again!!

[–] edjavega 10 years ago

33. Jim Brown forgot in retirement that he was a great running back, and chose instead to become a defensive coordinator in his post-playing days.

34. Albuquerque is actually big enough to host an expansion major league sports team and not just minor league baseball.

35. Al Pacino is a great actor, but some roles (such as football coach) are simply beyond him.

36. The teams I always knew as the Miami Dolphins, Chicago Bears, New York Giants (or Jets), and the Dallas Cowboys are actually the Miami Sharks, Chicago Rhinos, New York Emperors and Dallas Knights, and the NFL is actually something called the AFFA.

[–] statuskuo 10 years ago

37. You can eat potato chips and read a newspaper never realizing there's a game where the starter and the backup QB has been injured.

[–] dramaMEAN305 10 years ago

38. A quarterback is the top spot, kid. It's the guy who takes the fall. It's the guy everybody's looking at first - the leader of a team - who will support you when they understand you. Who will break their ribs and their noses and their necks for you, because they believe. 'Cause you make them believe.

[–] baltopro 9 years ago

39. When pro football players attend upscale social events, they ditch their wives and dates to sneak-off with hos for sex and cocaine.

40. Telling a wide receiver there's something wrong with his "sausage" may result in said player requiring psychiatric treatment.

[–] jacc1515 8 years ago

7. Sharks & Ronneys retirement due to injury, Julius & Beamen leaving via free agency - The Nick Crozier era did not start off well.

Actually getting rid of 3 of those guys is a good thing.

Cap & Shark were on their last legs

Shark and Julius only played for themselves.

Beaman leaving would have hurt though.

Mother is the name for God on the lips & hearts of all children -Eric D. Raven

[–] cropella 8 years ago

41. if you are running towards the endzone with an open path and there is only 3 seconds left you should jump out of bounds