MovieChat Forums > The Maury Povich Show (1991) Discussion > Caring for a child if you are not the on...

Caring for a child if you are not the only possible father

posted 10 years ago by easjr1991
11 replies | jump to latest

This is an issue raised by this show, and I am wondering what all of you would do if you had a paternity dispute in real life.

Do you think that men are morally obligated to take care of kids that might be theirs even if paternity is not yet determined? Such as if a woman has two or more possibilities for her child's father, is it fair for her to get mad at the guy or guys if one or both or all of them refuse to help care for the child and give her money or things the child needs or even spend time with the child until paternity is determined? People might back and forth saying that the guys should help anyway because it might be their child or saying that a man has no obligation to care for a child that might not be his, especially if there are a large number of men who might be tested after him.

I asked this question elsewhere, and one person said this:

Perhaps the answer seems harsh, but I have been that "girl", the only problem was I didn't have sex with multiple partners, but still got treated as if I was the leader of the sexual revolution.
I can tell you, I did NOT appreciate it, not one bit.

In the USA, guys tend to have a "jerk" reaction to this kind of situation. You like to play but don't like to pay.

Ultimately, the answer still remains the same. If you want to be safe, don't have sex "unwrapped", If you think there's a chance that child is yours, you find out ASAP (10 days through a private company). In that time period, would it kill you to share some of your time with that baby? Even if it turns out not to be yours, what do you lose but a few hours of your time. Money is a huge deal with a new baby. Again, you could help by buying diapers or formula while you are waiting.
And again, if the child is not yours, you can ask for the money back, (which will probably be hard for her to do), ask for repayment from the established daddy, or call it a charitable donation and a cheap but effective lesson on a close call.

Would you feed a starving child or just walk on by because it's not yours? Would you ask that child to pay you back?

If there are so "many" candidates, it sounds to me as if the financial burden could easily be shared until paternity is established and again you can then ask for a refund from one or both of the parents.

This is not rocket science, and attitude changes everything. You talk about this girl as if she's a slut, but the guys are what? Innocent victims of her wily ways?
This girl is already paying, why should she be alone in this?
Where is your compassion?
Even if it was 1 girl, 10 guys, sounds like 11 people had fun, now you all should deal with the consequences.

People make mistakes, whether she forgot her pills or you forgot the wrapper, kindness and understanding go so much farther than defensive BS.

By the way, the "you" as in "guys in general", in this scenario is hypothetical. I do not mean YOU specifically, sorry about that.

[–] GraceFromSoCal 10 years ago

I think it depends on each individual situation. For example, let's say there's a couple in a committed relationship, living together as a family, and the female cheats. At some later date it's determined that she's pregnant. The couple may decide, mutually, to raise the child assuming it's his, and he may be fine with that, and do it, and never think about it again. Or not! Another guy might resent his partner for cheating, and question the child's paternity every time he looks at them. I think the wonderful thing TODAY is that we don't have to guess! If someone wants to determine paternity, it's just a simple test away.

In the case of the disgusting, "I spread my legs for ANY man! and what's a condom?!" women who have 5, 8, 15 sexual partners during the window of opportunity to become pregnant, none of the men should feel any obligation to do ANYTHING until paternity proves otherwise.

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[–] brian3151 9 years ago

I just hate the way Maury tries to make the men who are found not to be the fathers commit to taking care of and staying in the child's life anyway.
To each his own, but I would not expect a man to take care of another man's child if I was a lying whore.

[–] uoflcardfan2003 9 years ago

The answer is easy, if there is any question as to the paternity of the child , then the guy shouldn't wait to get a test

[–] AntwoinD 9 years ago

Exactly! I've said it before. Don't sleep with half the block then complain that each man isn't stepping up to act like Mr. beaver and give you a white picket fence, half his paycheck and a new car because you MIGHT have his baby. I know these type of women well. They grew up in neighborhoods where they are owed an existence by the state, city, church and more. They're used to growing up and seeing women getting their first "welfare" check the moment the baby is born, so a child is seen as a financial commodity instead of a growing member of a family. Now don't get my started of the twisted concept of family in these neighborhoods too.

[–] ryoko_the_spacepirate1 8 years ago

No I do not think the men should have an obligation to take care of a chid who may not be theirs unless women nd or the biological father have the obligation to pay them back what hey spent on the child if it turns out to not be theirs.

"I think I liked it better when I thought Sylar ate brains." -Warriorrenegade

[–] Sandman81 (1510) 5 years ago

One reason why it might be wiser for a guy not to give the mother money until the paternity is confirmed:

This really happened to Robert DeNiro. A woman he was with got pregnant and said he was the father. He had no reason to suspect otherwise, so he did make sure she had everything she needed to take care of the baby (not sure if he actually spent time with it, but noneless). Years go by, and he learns that there was the possibility of another man being the father. He demanded a paternity test, and it was revealed that he was not the father. However when he tried to stop giving the mother money, a court ordered him to continue paying child support, since the mother and child had become dependent on it. So because he tried to do the right thing, he was forced to pay for a kid who wasn't his.

[–] Techto (1358) 4 years ago

Courts often put the well-being of the child above the interests of the cuckolded partner. Don’t see why the authorities don’t go after the avsent biological parent for financial support. The cuckold is doubly victimized, first by their cheating partner and then by the state.

[–] FFNogoodnik (776) 4 years ago

I would agree with going after the actual father but in this case could they determine who the actual father was? If they could not then what is there to do for the child? In this particular case with Robert Dinero is there an incentive for the mother, and this is the cynic in me, to give the name of the actual father? With Dinero she is getting a consistent payment and the knowledge that the payment is not going to financially ruin the man. If she did give the real father's name there is a possibility that he could not make the consistent payments Mr. Dinero could.

[–] Techto (1358) 4 years ago

The single mother should be encouraged and incentivized to help identify candidates who could be the biological father and they should be subjected to paternity tests. If it proves impossible to find the biological father or he has passed away, and the mother is poor, then she and her child should go on the welfare rolls. And, if I were dictator, the mother would be placed on birth control as a condition of receiving her welfare payment.

But courts don’t seem to care about justice for men. They just go looking for deep pockets to support the mother and child.

[–] Adam60z (3774) 4 years ago

Don't you want them to continue with their doctoral dissertations? https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=yRqB-GmJLss

[–] TandyMan (11192) 4 years ago

I take care of kids regardless, any and all. We're living in a society. Children are raised by communities, not parents.