So Tom Cruise is lying in bed one night...

...and he thinks to himself...

I always look good in movies but I'd love to star in one where I'm above and beyond shít hot in all the scenes I'm in and maybe even the ones I'm not. It doesn't need a plot because, hey I'm in it so who needs a plot right? OK I guess we need some sort of plot but it'll be pretty simplistic. Maybe I can beef it up with that old technique of using 50 words where 10 will do. I know I don't need to worry about sharing screen presence, because hey I'm Tom Cruise, but let's hire a couple of half talented British actors just to be safe. Worse comes to worse they can always kiss my ass between takes so I doubt they'll even expect a paycheck. Although one of them should be hot so I can feel her up without my wife divorcing me. OK, the Brits won't be happy with such a blatant misuse of their average talent so I'll get Sir Tony Hopkins (all his friends call him Tony) to balance it out and appease the Queen. He'll cost a few bucks but I'm sure I'll make it up from the suckers at the box office. In the mean time I get to kick, punch and explode stuff, I'll ride motor cycles better than that showoff Evil Knievel and wear more masks than the two original series put together. I probably should stop pissíng on their grave but in case I didn't mention it I'm Tom Cruise...I wonder should I include Scientology in this one? Surely it's time our moronic faith had a place on the silver screen! Mmmm I'll think about it. OK well sounds like a great movie to me, but what to call it???