I have many, but I can't get this one out of my head:
"I always worried what would happen when that bitch got some funding." - Spike (Season 4, Episode 7)
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Life is a movie. Write your own ending. Keep believing. Keep pretending.
-Kermit
There are a lot. Contenders for the most funny...
Dawn: I gave birth to a pterodactyl
Anya: oh my god did it sing?
Once more with feeling
Harmony; Hello spike I am a villain. (Coughs smoke from cigarette)
Forget what episode, maybe Family.
Cordelia: I'm gonna be in therapy til I'm 30. (After seeing guy dissolve)
The Dark AgE
Pretty much all of Cordelia's lines with the most funny. Harmony and Anya were the next most funny characters
(Xander, Willow and Buffy see a scantily clad girl dancing with RJ)
XANDER: Daddy like.
BUFFY: What is that shirt made of? Paint?
WILLOW: (eyes wide) Buff—
BUFFY: Glad Dawnie isn't here to see her precious boyfriend getting all thrusty with some slut-bag hussy—
(RJ's dancing partner turns around where Buffy can see her face. It's Dawn. Buffy stares, slack-jawed, in disbelief. )
BUFFY: Oh.
XANDER: Oh. Oh! No! "Daddy"— No, I wasn't— When I was looking, I wasn't— Oh, God!
WILLOW:(leans to Xander) Right there with ya.
GILES: I'm glad to see you've recovered from your psychic encounter more or less intact. Feel up to some training?
BUFFY: Sure. We can work out after school. You know, if you're not too busy having sex with my MOTHER!
Giles: “Oh, bloody hell. The inscription!”
Buffy: “What’s the matter?”
(Giles comes over to show her the book)
Giles: “I should have translated the Gaelic inscription under the illustration of Gachnar.”
Buffy: “What’s it say?”
Giles: “Actual size.”
Cordelia: So can I go now? She doesn't need this many stakes. I mean, if this guy Spike is as mean as you all said, it should be over pretty quickly.
Willow: Great, I'll give Xander a call. What's his number? Oh yeah, 1-800-IM-DATING-A-SKANKY-HO!
Buffy: Well, when you've been around since Columbus, you're bound to pile up a few ex's. You're older than him, right? Just between us girls, you are looking a little worn around the eyes.
Xander: Are we overlooking the possibility that she may be very attracted to me? ... She's possessed.
Anya: I'm 1120 years old, just give me a frigging beer!
Angel: I'm not evil again. Why does everyone think that? I haven't been evil for a long time!
The Master: I've lost my appetite for this one. She keeps looking at me. I'm trying to eat and she looks at me!
Glory: You can't go around hitting people. What, were you born in a barn?
Darla: That's good. You're hurting me. That's good, too.
Drusilla: I met an old man. Didn't like him. He got stuck in my teeth.
Spike: I'm saying that Spike had a little trip to the vet, and now he doesn't chase the other puppies any more.
"Was it over when the Germans bombed Pearl Harbor?"
The BEST line ?!?!?!?!?!
Are you insane ?
This show is STUFFED with jokes !
No way we'll ever agree on which is the best one.
Recently I really like the end piece from 'Lie to me':
Buffy: Lie to me.
Giles: Yes, it’s terribly simple. The good guys are always stalwart and true, the bad guys are easily distinguished by their pointy horns or black hats, and, uh, we always defeat them and save the day. No one ever dies, and everybody lives happily ever after.
Buffy: ... liar !
Buffy: My diary? You read my diary? That is not okay! A diary is like a person's most private place. I - You don't even know what I was writing about. 'Hunk' can mean a lot of things, bad things. And-and when it said that your eyes are penetrating, I meant to write 'bulging'.
Angel: Buffy...
Buffy: And 'A' doesn't even stand for Angel for that matter. It stands for Achmed, a charming foreign exchange student. So that whole fantasy part has nothing to even do with you, at all...
Angel: Your mother moved your diary when she came in to straighten up. I watched her from the closet. I didn't read it, I swear.
Buffy: .... oh !
Anya: I inflicted a lot of putrefying diseases on men when I was an avenging demon. You look like you're getting all of them.
Xander: Okay, I'll stay. But you should go. You could catch it.
Anya: We'll die together. It's romantic. Let me get your trousers off.
Xander: You're a strange girlfriend.
Anya: I'm a girlfriend?
Xander: There's a chance I'm delirious.
Anya: Ah, yes. Well, whatever it is that's making you sick, so far, I like it.
Oooh and lets not forget the classics:
Angel: We need you to distract the vampires.
Buffy: Right.
Xander: What are you gonna do?
Buffy: I'm gonna kill them all. That oughta distract them.
Slook: I do indeed work for the god. Let me go if you do not wish to incur her anger.
Giles: Well, she's not here. What a marvelous opportunity for you and me to talk.
Slook: I will not betray Glorificus. I will never talk, no matter what heinous torture -
Giles: Actually, you're talking quite a lot, just not about the right things. Tell us why you're here.
Slook: No words shall pass my lips that will bring peril to Glorificus.
Giles doesn't take his eyes off the demon, but points with his hand.
Giles: Girls, get the twine that's on the counter, let's tie him up.
Willow and Anya turn away. We hear some sort of rustling noise and Slook begins to sob. The girls turn back in amazement.
Slook: No, no! I'll tell you! Anything! Please! Whatever you want! Just, I'll, anything!
I've always liked:
"And when Giles sends me on a mission he always says please. And afterwards I get a cookie."
It's hard to pick just one. A few of mine are:
Anya: You can sleep with me!...... That came out a lot more lesbian than it sounded in my head.
Buffy to the Doublemeat guy talking about his ears: Imagine that!
Invisible Buffy after stealing the cart: So long, copper!
Willow: What a bitch (after loving Riley's wife the whole episode)
Willow: I'm always like go school, it's your birthday, or words to that effect.
Omg, I just saw the connection between this line and "restless"..:
share"I always worried what would happen when that bitch got some funding." - Spike (Season 4, Episode 7)
Vampire: Slayer
Buffy : Slayeee
School's Hard was the episode. (I am not sure)
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Everything Spike said in the Yoko Factor to break the scoobies up.
Anya: I can just hear you in private. "I dislike that Anya. She's newly human, and strangely literal".
Willow: What? I don't say that. No one says that. No one talks that way.
"Poor watcher. What's the matter, life flash before your eyes? Cuppa tea, cuppa tea, almost got shagged, cuppa tea?"
Spike : "Out. For. A. Walk. ............Bitch."
What is your childhood trauma? -Cordelia
Everything Cordelia says is hilarious. I also love the scene when Buffy boy asks about Anya's money and Anya looks like so pleased that someone cared enough to ask.
"When life gives you lemons"
Jessica D: sleep with their fathers and have secret lemon children
Here's a fun exchange from "Intervention":
BUFFY: So, how's it start?share
GILES: I, uh, jump out of the circle and then jump back in it, and then, um ... (embarrassed) I shake my gourd.
BUFFY: I know this ritual! The ancient shamans were next called upon to do the hokey-pokey and turn themselves around.
GILES: (straightens up, gives her a sour look) Go quest.
Buffy makes an amused face. Giles looks embarrassed. He sighs, rolls his eyes, jumps into the circle of twigs, jumps out, and shakes the gourd. Nothing seems to happen. He and Buffy look at each other.
BUFFY: And that's what it's all about.
On that note, I always liked the description she gives to the potentials...
Giles: 'Apparently someone told them that the vision quest consists of me driving them to the desert, doing the hokey pokey until a spooky rasta mamma slayer arrives and speaks to them in riddles'.
I agree with the previous comment though, there are a lot of witty lines throughout (and I think every character gets a play at it).
Spike: You made a bear! Undo it, undo it!!
One of the potentials: Why is that guy tied up?
Xander: The question you'll soon be asking is 'why isn't he gagged'?
Anya wanting to keep Xander split in The Replacement, so she could sleep with them both (the whole exchange was quite funny).
Xander in the Zeppo was full of funny (and since the episode was really about him, that makes sense).
Too much awesome, must rewatch. :)
Ford.
Yes?
I think I'm a sofa.
I know how you feel.
I'm currently rewatching season 7 and I just saw the vision quest episode the other day. Still hilarious.
"When life gives you lemons"
Jessica D: sleep with their fathers and have secret lemon children