Don't feel too bad. Spiders creep me out too. I still see movies and read books but I'll turn a page (first aid book, camping/outdoors, encyclopedia, etc.) and see a big photo... It always surprises me. Like in a movie and I have to turn away or "brace myself".
I am getting a lot better. I moved to central Florida. We have what are locally known as "Wolf Spiders" (I don't think that's their proper name). They look like small tarantulas with a body about the size of a big thumb. The first few time you found them in the house they scared the cr@p out of you, just from surprise. After 15-years out here they have desensitized me... to a point.
A few years ago I found out that they are "live bearers", they carry babies on their back. I squirted one with Spider Kill and all of these little black dots fell off an tried to crawl away. Thankfully, the Spider Kill got them too... But I'll tell you... I'll NEVER step on one, now...!
So, do what you need to do. Everyone has a phobia about something. Deal with it as best you can and have a happy life! {:-)
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