Let's Come Up With A New Routine For JJ

Obviously "you ate the steak," "where did you think you're coming today, the beach?", "there's something wrong with you," and "you...ah-move!" have been worn out for years, JJ needs some new material.

But it has to be just as snarky, cutting, snide, bullying, sarcastic and rude as she is.

My suggestions:

When the litigants start disparaging each other with things that have absolutely nothing to do with the case, instead of dismissing it with her caustic "I don't care!" bile, she should pretend to take it seriously and then rule based on it. For example:

A woman is suing an ex-boyfriend of five years for a $2000 loan...

Tangentially Babbling Idiot Plaintiff: ....And your honor, he's a drunk.

Judge Judy: (sarcastic gasp) No! How much of a drunk, would you say?

Tangentially Babbling Idiot Plaintiff: He's drunk all the time. At work, at home, he was always drinking when we were together..

Judge Judy: (feigning wide-eyed concern) How terrible! Go on...

Tangentially Babbling Idiot Plaintiff: We got into fights about it and were thrown out of restaurants because he'd get so drunk!....

Judge Judy: (pretending to be serious) My goodness, how terrible!!...Go on..."

Tangentially Babbling Idiot Plaintiff: (starting to cry) "...and, and, *sniff* one time, he threw up on my grandmother...."

Judge Judy: That does it! Although my jurisdiction is limited to just $5000, I'm going to make an exception in your case. Judgement for the plaintiff, two million dollars!!

Tangentially Babbling Idiot Plaintiff: Really?!??!?

Judge Judy: No, you idiot, his drinking has absolutely nothing to do with the $2000 you loaned, moron!