hahahahahaa

“Blank Check” is another strange film from Disney back in 1994, which much like “My Father the Hero”, wasn’t just bad but inherently wrong. I have to admit i’m awe-struck watching these movies again 30 years later- they’re so abysmally conceived that they make a great hate-watch.


This one stars that kid from Family Ties, Brian Bonsall, as 11 year old Preston. Preston isn’t allowed to have fun as other 11 year olds do- his insane family is so results oriented that if you’re not making money, you don’t deserve money. So Preston deserves to suffer and feel chastised for being 11! It’s the kind of logic that permeates through this whole idiotic film.

In this order, Preston is then almost run over and then bribed off with a blank check by a very, very stupid criminal (Miguel Ferrer), allowed to cash the check (which Preston marks for a million dollars) because a very very stupid bank manager (Michael Lerner) believes this little boy is a go-between in a money laundering scam by the criminal, and the kid is then allowed to buy a whole house, sight unseen, by having his computer talk into the phone in robotic computer voice.


Not since Mac was able to fool the folks at the Plaza Hotel has a movie felt so contrived. In fact, with the parents (and Uncle Frank) reaching levels of insufferability there too, this is almost a direct remake, just so much dumber. Soon Preston reveals to his parents that he’s been hired as sort of an Executive Assistant, which they believe, along with everyone else, because this movie only works if every adult is a clueless jackass.

Preston buys a bunch of expensive things, which is shown in 3, count them, 3 different montages, all celebrating a materialism that feels a bit disgusting by number 2. Along the way Preston somehow goes through a million dollars in 6 days, but that’s nothing compared to the fraud and other crimes he commits.

The film miraculously manages to even avoid a sense of tact or moral decency in the later stages, too, as all of Preston’s misdeeds seem to disappear once Ferrer, Lerner, and Tone Loc keep showing up to get back their money. Plus the kid is sad cause his money’s gone so he’s clearly learned his lesson.

The worst is still yet to come though. An actress named Karen Duffy plays a bank teller, whose also an FBI agent. The movie develops her by constant shots of her tan legs. Long story short with her, she’s also after the criminal’s money and to do that she has to get close to Preston. This poor actress is called upon to date the kid- he sits across from her in an expensive restaurant in a douchey little suit, thinking he’s gonna get some. And she just smiles like this shit is charming.

Later, there’s a scene that’s been talked about but bears repeating- she kisses the kid, on the lips.
It’s funny just how ill-served everyone in this movie seems. For starters, its trying to be a kid fantasy but it’s been written from the point of view of adults. No kid wants to throw a backyard party with hors d’oeuvres. Also, this FBI agent role is beyond thankless- she’s either dating a child or assumed to be a golddigger, the movie seems more fine with the former. It’s added embarrassment to see good actors like Ferrer and Lerner lower themselves to 2nd rate “Home Alone” slapstick and dopeyness.

But other than all this, it’s fine. Uhhh, I mean I assume it started out as just another fun little riff on “Home Alone”, just this time with oodles and oodles of money at the kid’s disposal. The problem is it’s been written so cynical and irredeemable- John Hughes at least knew how to manipulate charisma out of it. It’s “Home Alone’s” best gift, and what many of the clones seem to lack.