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Why do some parents of teenagers not want their kids to date exclusively

posted 9 years ago by Jupiter555555
25 replies | jump to latest

I think that's insane. This is related to BMW btw. I was just watching the "long walk to Pittsburgh" episode and Amy drones on about how Cory should be seeing other people (not her place and just plain weird.) I've actually heard other parents say this too in real life and on other shows (art imitating life?) Then Topanga's aunt agrees and even says she doesn't agree with the "exclusivity" of this relationship. So they're fans of the hookup culture? FWB? WTF! I think monogamy is a great skill to practice. It teaches loyalty, faith, respect, love..all of the best virtues. And the parents aren't even saying "don't date at all" ...they're saying "don't date just one person." I can't wrap my head around that. And you know that by 16 "date" means fool around in some capacity... parents know that too. So it's not like pregnancy will be prevented if they're not exclusive...all of the risks associated with dating one person are multiplied by the number of partners. Why would parents want that? I'd be THRILLED if my teenage son wanted to be exclusive with ONE girl... especially if I liked the girl, which Amy did.

[–] 9 years ago

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[–] Jupiter555555 9 years ago

The idea is to take one step at a time. Have a group of friend before your focus on one person. A lot of people do this. Cory, however, has one friend and one girlfriend in the entire series run. There are other acquaintances but only Shawn and Topanga are friend and girlfriend. He's like what Woody Allen said about Catholics and pigeons -- he mates for life.

Right, and I still fail to see what's wrong with that. And if I was Amy Matthews, I think I'd rather he find a new friend than a new girlfriend. Shawn showed up drunk at the Matthews house, was moody and depressed, was a bit of a punk for a while and some other issues... They never told him to spend less time with Shawn and look for "other friends" like they told him to date other girls...

[–] 9 years ago

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[–] Owlnut73 9 years ago

Eric has a friend named Jason. Everyone else probably had friends, we just didn't see them because this story is about Cory.

[–] Doc80 9 years ago

Well, without meeting new people you never know who the right person is for you. This is especially true of teenagers who are controlled by hormones more than anything else. I mean I know you probably knew someone in school, maybe even yourself, who was completely when they broke up with their girlfriend or boyfriend. They think it's the end of the world and they were only going out for like 3 to 6 months. They sulk and sulk for a few weeks and then they meet someone else and they move on. Not to say that you can't meet the love of your life that early in life but the point is that if you end up with the first person you ever kiss or go out with, how do you really know?

[–] veil182 9 years ago

Because in real life if you date someone from 7th grade to senior year, you still end up breaking up during college, and then you have no clue what other people are like.

I don't think Amy was advocating him to hook up with tons of randoms. But he was in high school and his girlfriend was moving hours away to another city. Most people take the break up on the chin, learn from it, and move on to other experiences.

I don't think it's wrong to marry your high school sweetheart, and if you can stay together the whole time that's great, but you are supposed to experience life as a teenager and college student, not commit to someone from the age of 4 and not even speak to anyone else but your one male friend. It's weird and unhealthy

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[–] Jupiter555555 9 years ago

I don't think it's wrong to marry your high school sweetheart, and if you can stay together the whole time that's great, but you are supposed to experience life as a teenager and college student, not commit to someone from the age of 4 and not even speak to anyone else but your one male friend. It's weird and unhealthy

What's unhealthy and weird is trying to make the case that even though these lucky kids found mutual love at an early age, they should throw a wrench in the gears just so they're not missing out on anything else. All those other people that awkwardly flop through first dates and random make out sessions and asking for phone numbers...do so because they just haven't found the one yet. It's not necessarily a tragedy but it's also not a place in life to strive for. They do that so they can find their Topanga or their Cory. If two people were lucky enough to find it early, I think that's great. I can't wrap my mind around the concept of trying to break them up, thereby ensuring misery, to save them from possibly feeling misery... Why create problems where there are none just because of the potential for problems to follow?

[–] veil182 9 years ago

No one was actively trying to break them up. He lived in Philadelphia. She lived in Pittsburgh. That is indeed a problem and I think it would be irresponsible for a parent to support such a long distance relationship for a 16-17 year old/whatever age they were at the time.

Obviously Cory and Topanga are meant for each other. It's TV. But in real life, any parent "supporting" the relationship at this point is just setting their child up for an even greater heartache as the other person, living 305 miles away, is going to develop new interests, meet new people, etc., and will no longer value the relationship as much and eventually end it. Back to BMW, how could Amy know Topanga would run away from home and end up living out her HS career with her aunt?

Fast forwarding a bit, I do think Amy was a bit of a **** when she told Topanga flat out "Why couldn't you have gone to Yale?" after the proposal. But I still think it's completely reasonable for a parent to be alarmed when their 17-18 year old gets engaged. And she had every right to be, they made an absolute mess of their lives from there on out.

[–] deem_bastille 9 years ago

And she had every right to be, they made an absolute mess of their lives from there on out.

I agree! and amy was an active parent in cory's life. she had reservations on him pinning his hopes and dreams on ONE person whom he has known since he was freaking 3 years old! and she should have had reservations.

amy definitely had a point when she questioned topenga's parents on moving when they did. topenga had one year left of hs and then she had college. so she has to get used to a new school and make new friends for one year and then do it all over again for college???

Reading the paper can really be depressing. Mr. Dithers fired Dagwood again.

[–] Nightstar_INC 9 years ago

It's not really the missing out on anything else, but it's the whole "they're too young but we'll mask it as we don't want them to be exclusive with each other routine."

That's why this was tied with Romeo and Juliet. The general consensus with parents for this generation is that if you fall in love with a high school sweet heart, you are prone to be bound to them and the potential for heart break is very high. If I were a parent, I wouldn't take Amy's side, but I wouldn't let my kids all of a sudden assume they are married starting from high school until they officially get married. I would want them to take it slow.

Here are two examples I saw with a couple friends of mine who "fell madly in love" with their high school sweat hearts kind of like Cory and Topanga.

One old friend, she had been "exclusive" with her boyfriend since 6th grade all the way through the beginning of college. I thought they would get married. They did. Problem is that her bf now husband cheated on her throughout their relationship (a few times in hs and then more in college and recently did again while married) and she kept forgiving him and taking him back. She feels there's no one else out there for her like he is, and his only fault is that he's a cheater.

Another friend of mine married a girl he was madly in love with in 6th grade. They had been together throughout middle school, high school, and college before getting married. They had opportunities where they were on "a break" from their relationship but they refused to date anyone else even if they were ok with it back in middle and high school. There was a point where they officially "broke up", but still never saw anyone because they wanted to wait for each other. Unfortunately their marriage lasted only 1 year before they had a divorce, and neither could handle relationships since then. Longest for my friend was a month before it ended.

I'm not saying this will happen every time, but there's always that potential and what restricted them was the fact they felt they only needed to stick with each other.

In a way it's almost like picking a college major while in 8th grade and refusing to explore anything else. Who knows, maybe you find out in college that's not the area of study you really want anymore, but now you're left with "I have no idea what I want to do with my life now and I'm not sure I wanna try these other options because I've got no experience with them.

[–] EricaRene-Price 9 years ago

People dont usually marry a person they dated in High school , or their first real sweetheart, so many people view that relationship as just the beginning of your dating life. Pouring your heart into a relationship that likely will end would be draining for young person emotionally.

You're supposed to play the field when you're young, date various people and experience different things, not pine after one person for years. Cory and Topanga may be the exception but they arent the rule.

Cassidy Merteuil: There's no limit to what two people can do. You taught me that.

[–] Jupiter555555 9 years ago

People dont usually marry a person they dated in High school , or their first real sweetheart, so many people view that relationship as just the beginning of your dating life. Pouring your heart into a relationship that likely will end would be draining for young person emotionally.

By that logic, the rest of the people they're dating wouldn't end up being their marital partners either so they wouldn't be missing out on much except being hurt by several people instead of just one. Not really sure how that's better. The intensity may be divided but the experiences will be multiplied and that's not necessarily a good thing.

You're supposed to play the field when you're young, date various people and experience different things, not pine after one person for years. Cory and Topanga may be the exception but they arent the rule.

Whatever. It's creepy to me when parents meddle in their teenager's and adult offspring's romantic life. Unless it's to say that a child can't date at all until 15 or so, that's fair I guess (though I think 14 is reasonable,) or to ban them from seeing a total hoodlum or to say they can't be left alone at the house etc, but beyond that they don't have a right to dictate that who their teenagers see or how much, etc, just because they disapprove of the intensity of the relationship. You can't protect your kids from everything: teen angst and heartbreak is one of those things they'll feel no matter how many safeguards you put up.

Topanga was a clean cut, nice girl and they were like 17...just plain creepy for Amy to try to break them up. (I realize this is just a dramatic TV show, but unfortunately there are mothers who act that way...and personally I think what's at the root of it is jealousy over losing the son. Very creepy.)

[–] perfect_lover2012 9 years ago

Yeah when I was in high school most of the teenagers who were dating around were mostly just sleeping with a lot of different people. That's not true of everyone of course. I hear the concept of not dating exclusively more on TV shows. I guess they don't want their kids to grow up too fast maybe they see it as playing house at a young age and they want them to meet new people. I don't necessarily agree with that idea though.

[–] JRichardSingleton 9 years ago

Because when two people get serious, there's a 99% chance they'll be having sex.

Plus you don't want someone talking your kid into doing something stupid, like ditching Yale to go to a state school.

www.jrichardsingleton.blogspot.com

[–] Jupiter555555 9 years ago

Because when two people get serious, there's a 99% chance they'll be having sex.

Plus you don't want someone talking your kid into doing something stupid, like ditching Yale to go to a state school.

Yeah well neither one of those things are any more likely to be avoided, especially in sons, by just keeping them from a serious long-term girlfriend. Especially the latter--anyone can talk them into doing dumb stuff, and whether you want them to be exclusive with a girl or not, if he loves her (and you can't keep him from falling in love,) she'll be influential in his life.

[–] deem_bastille 9 years ago

because when they break up and they feel like they had lost the only one in the world, they turn 18 and go on match.com. they fall out of touch with how the world works and then they have a hard time coping with real life.

by exclusive do you mean... be with one girl at a time? or date this one Friday night and another one Saturday night? do you mean exclusively meaning sex? not all kids have sex when they date. cory and topenga [let me touch something!] didn't.

Reading the paper can really be depressing. Mr. Dithers fired Dagwood again.

[–] Jupiter555555 9 years ago

because when they break up and they feel like they had lost the only one in the world, they turn 18 and go on match.com. they fall out of touch with how the world works and then they have a hard time coping with real life.

Ummm.. so you think you can protect your kids from feeling heartbreak, disappointment, risks of becoming disconnected from society by mandating that they don't date exclusively? Good luck with that.

I think you're just trying to justify the way you feel in a way that makes it seem it is about them or any type of logical, but probably at the root of it is your reluctance to let them grow up.

by exclusive do you mean... be with one girl at a time? or date this one Friday night and another one Saturday night?

As opposed to what, group dating???!!! What are you saying !? 

[–] deem_bastille 9 years ago

do you listen to yourself? read what you write on here??

so they date one person in high school.... then they break up and the one who is the victim of the break up has NO idea how to deal with it and they go on match.com as soon as they can. they take the easy way out because they don't know how to mingle and weed through the twits in the world.

what the shi7 do you mean by dating exclusively? you are the one who is not saying what you mean so that people can understand you!

Reading the paper can really be depressing. Mr. Dithers fired Dagwood again.

[–] Jupiter555555 9 years ago

so they date one person in high school.... then they break up and the one who is the victim of the break up has NO idea how to deal with it and they go on match.com as soon as they can

hahahaha! What a weird-o.

[–] deem_bastille 9 years ago

ANSWER MY QUESTION!!! why are you ignoring it???? what do you MEAN by DATING EXCLUSVELY?

I'll make it easy for you..

one girl/guy at a time -- like how the kids of the 50's would get pinned?

all amy was saying is that THERE ARE LOTS OF FISH IN THE SEA!

and who exactly is the weirdo? what you quoted actually happens! why else would the age minimum be freaking 18?

Reading the paper can really be depressing. Mr. Dithers fired Dagwood again.

[–] Jupiter555555 9 years ago

Obviously by dating exclusively I meant they have one boyfriend..one girlfriend... they don't date anyone else. Why is that hard to understand?

[–] deem_bastille 9 years ago

when you refuse to answer the question three times... yeah.

and not for nothing, notice how most others on this thread have disagreed with you. why are you so butthurt over me discussing this with you?

Reading the paper can really be depressing. Mr. Dithers fired Dagwood again.

[–] Jupiter555555 9 years ago

why are you so butthurt over me discussing this with you?

I'm not...I'm just very confused by the things you post. Like how many different interpretations are there of exclusive relationship??? lol

[–] deem_bastille 9 years ago

you must be confused if you needed a week to come up with that lol response.

you are butthurt over anything you discuss with anyone else, not just me. I have seen it.

most children who date are not exclusive. they don't even use that word anymore.

and lastly, she was just saying , there are lots of fish in the sea. it is very rare that people stay with their first love. she didn't want him to pin his hopes about love to her. nor her to him.

Reading the paper can really be depressing. Mr. Dithers fired Dagwood again.

[–] Owlnut73 9 years ago

I can kind of understand it. I think they want their kids to have a wide range of experiences. Try out different people to see how they work before making a lifelong commitment to one person.