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100 Things you can learn from Taking Care of Business

posted 15 years ago by sirleucelot
13 replies | jump to latest

I'll start:
1. Convicts are basically nice guys. They get off the phone for you if you really need it.
2. If you can't get through to answer a trivia question on the radio call a second time and you'll get through.
3. If you're at the World Series it's pretty easy to catch a fly ball because no one else even tries to catch it but you.
4. If you call up a girl and break your date taking her to the World Series she'll understand. She'll even call you sensitive!
5. Tennis is such an easy game to learn that you can beat a Japanese executive at it on your first try.

Your turn! Add to it! 95 to go!

[–] skylinemate 15 years ago

6. you can escape any prison by hiding under a truck
7. in prison, black and whites are all friends

[–] LastOttoman 15 years ago

8. if you catch a baseball on TV, the police notices within seconds who you are and if you are a prisoner the police runs after you in seconds

[–] hershy11 15 years ago

9. Japanese executives appreciate "nice titty"
10. After you ruin someone's life, you and him become good pals
11. Big tits are worth toasting
12. The old NEC Powermate 286 is a "beauty"

[–] mcfly-31 14 years ago

(Jimmy was being chased by security because they wanted to interview him about the catch, not for recognizing him as an escaped con.)

13. Former crushes will bail you out of jail
14. Rich guy's daughters are all sluts
15. Church donation sheds always have stolen clothes that will fit
16. Send a helicopter for an important client
17. Always give a girl you have a one night stand with a stolen car
18. The only place the Cubs will ever win a World Series is in the movies

[–] FBachofner 14 years ago

19. The first suit you pick from an older, fatter, rich jerk's closet will fit you perfectly . . . but only if it is pure white and double-breasted with peak-lapels.

20. If you work really hard . . . you'll earn the right to work harder.

21. If a man is married . . . he's not the man for Jewel Bentley (portrayed by Loryn Locklin).

22. Avocados are fattening.

23. "It's amazing what a little bit of makeup can do. It can make anybody look beautiful."

24. Debbie Lipton (Anne De Salvo) is a people person . . . or so she guesses.

25. Weird couches turn into water fountains when you sit on them.

26. An effective advertising slogan can be inspired by watching a womans' behind as she bends over during a tennis game.

27. A felon is the first man Jewel Bentley has gone out with that hasn't "just tried to jump on" her.

28. "I knew I could be great in bed!" ;-)

29. If the Cubs can win the World Series, anything is possible. [This theorem remains unproven since the release of the film 20 years ago.]

and, my favorite:

30. If you sue for false arrest, you'll probably end up in the electric chair!

Keep it going -- this film is a treasure trove of good-natured silliness. Surely we can get to 100.

[–] crockett_john 11 years ago

31. No on will notice Jimmy's mother missing after Jimmy turns up.

32. Preists drive fancy sports cars.

[–] omanlieder 10 years ago

33. If you want to land a big client, just send Jim Belushi in to insult the product.

34. Potato chips are greasy.

[–] leocgb-487-424495 10 years ago

35. If you are a broken 40 years old guy and never studied in your whole freaking life, just don’t worry! Just search for a Japanese billionaire guy in town and impress him somehow. He will easily hire you and all the sudden you will become the new Wolf of Wall Street!

[–] SpaceMountainMike 10 years ago

For your information, pal, my maternal uncle with his third grade education did exactly that! He is a multi millionaire and he did it by lying and screwing people.

[–] rickb69 8 years ago

He is a multi millionaire and he did it by lying and screwing people.

I always say BIG money is CROOKED money 

If your monkey is bad, do you spank your monkey?

[–] kevin-bergin 10 years ago

36. A stolen Rolls Royce will generally go unnoticed and unreported.
37. What is a Filofax???

"It's the system, Lara. People will be different after the Revolution."

[–] 10 years ago

[deleted]

[–] onemanarmy82 (1764) 3 years ago

38. Spencer had NO STREET SMARTS whatsoever!
39. Spencer's job sucks!
40. Debbie was a bimbo!
41. What exactly are togs?
42. Cream of Shit was served 7 Days a Week in prisons in 1990.
43. In business, honesty is not good.
44. Fancy restaurants don't serve tequila with worms in it.