Hello, MaxxxFreedom: That sounds like part film review, part cry for help.
I'm fully with you on the former, as well as the understanding on why normally sane people are driven to cults or suicide when things go seriously off track.
As for the cry for help, I wish I could offer you some kind of life preserver, but it's a difficult world and I have no answers. I'm not big on broadcasting my personal issues on the Internet (or any other forum, for that matter), but I find myself struggling quite a bit and don't know how I've made it this far. Somehow the movies and music I love have sustained me, or at least provided a distraction when life becomes unbearable. I hope you are finding some similar strength or diversion through everything you are facing.
I'm also comforted that the worst in my life is probably over and that whatever lies afterward, if there is anything, is no worse than my daily existence. All my best to you, which may not be much but it's all that I have.
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