How can someone express their feelings non verbally? - Sex, Lies, and Videotape (1989) Discussion

[–] Radiant_Rose 18 years ago

In many, many ways. Maybe he used to hit things or kick doors. I remember one of my exes once hitting the sofa that I was sitting on, just because he didn't like that I was upset about something he had done (or not done). That was scary. In his case, he moved on to physical threats and mild violence. That isn't to say that Spader's character Graham would have done so.
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Nicebat and I had to party.

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[–] simplypm2004 18 years ago

People do all sorts of things: Brood, drive recklessly or other self endangering behavior, over-eat and under-eat, drink excessively, drug abuse, promiscuous sex, paint or sing, as well as with other artistic outlets. Sometimes the character of the expression is done with the intention that someone else should understand or at least become aware of what is being felt. Sometimes it serves the sole purpose of blowing off steam. Sometimes it is compulsive and instinctive, and sometimes rather deliberate; sometimes with ill intent; sometimes benevolent.

(PRN) – http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=id-bFpYQzXE

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[–] indymovies 18 years ago

... or they can just thump someone.

I thought that was what Graham meant when he said that he used to express his feelings non-verbally and that this is what caused the breakup of his previous relationship with Elizabeth. He came back (9 years later) to show her he was now different.

When Ann refused to stop filming him he wanted to do something - maybe wrestle the camera from her - but wouldn't let himself lose his self-control.

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[–] simplypm2004 18 years ago

Indy,

That's my take on it as well. Graham didn't just change he inwardly metamorphosed. Ann was the necessary catalyst in the completion of his transformation. His impotency reflected his self-inflicted emasculation, that is to say, he suppressed what formerly rose up in him compulsively as the violence that he found unacceptable. He stilled it, but as a result stilled all outwardly directed instinctive compulsion along with it. Ann gave him a purpose and direction for an elevated, (ennobled if you will), expression of guided moral impulse - i.e. love, as opposed to reckless base animal desire.

(PRN) – http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=id-bFpYQzXE

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[–] Radiant_Rose 18 years ago

Good points.

However, Graham's honesty is not just a matter of either telling the truth or refusing to comment on an issue. At no point in the film does he say, "I don't want to tell the whole truth so I will not answer", or anything similar.

I genuinely believe that if he had a violent past he would have said that he used to hit people.
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Nicebat and I had to party.

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[–] simplypm2004 18 years ago

It is really hard to say whether or not he was violent. The fact that it was left out of the dialogue leads me to think is that it is irrelevant. What was significant was that he had a compulsive behavior which he knew was out of control and unacceptable. Furthermore he found it so repugnant that it resulted in a sort of paralysis of will. If you consider what little we know of him by his behavior, his dress, diet, habits furniture etc. it reveals a soul of an inwardly stunned person. In spite of the fact that he was impotent, when, as he told Ann, he considered the character, choices, behavior etc. of her husband and sister, he considered himself healthy. In other words, his personal particular sexual dysfunction wasn't as bad as the self-centered, and almost malicious hyper-functioning sexuality of the others.

(PRN) – http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=id-bFpYQzXE

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[–] Radiant_Rose 18 years ago

I think his compulsive honesty would have led him to admit it if he had actually hit people, rather than just frightening them.

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Nicebat and I had to party.

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[–] simplypm2004 18 years ago

Graham was honest and, more than usual, clear, but he was also taciturn. In the context of his conversation concerning his past, what was relevant was that he was exertive and out of control, perhaps threw things. Who knows? He probably had a host of other shortcomings, as all young adults do, but he didn't mention them either. If confronted, he most likely would have answered truthfully, but there was no such confrontation, and so, if we consider him to be truthful, the matter must not be considered relevant since he left it out. Otherwise, he would have mentioned it, right?

(PRN) – http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=id-bFpYQzXE

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[–] Radiant_Rose 18 years ago

I don't recall his being taciturn, there are a lot of occasions when he could have declined to answer a question but he did. Heck, he even initiated the conversation about his impotence! I think he was too hooked on honesty to give a half-truthful answer. I think he would have admitted to violence if he had actually been violent. He said he "frightened" people, but not that he physically hurt them.

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Nicebat and I had to party.

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[–] masonjar2004 18 years ago

like, 60 to 80% of all communication is nonverbal. you just don't realize it.

-jar

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[–] pinkchi 18 years ago

lol I actually thought that he went around hugging people he liked and thus scaring them in the process, like out of the blue he just smothers them with kisses or hugs. Hitting his girlfriend didn't occur to me.

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[–] Radiant_Rose 18 years ago

Could be both. A combination of too much hugging of strangers and throwing stuff when upset would really freak people out.

Thank you for that insight.
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Nicebat and I had to party.

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[–] filmprincess 17 years ago

like, 60 to 80% of all communication is nonverbal. you just don't realize it.

Yes, and this is particularly effective when a actor happens to possess a talent for conveying emotions nonverbally. I always enjoy these types of films. Sometimes an extremely good script allows the actors to convey underlying subtext. Also, I think it requires a very talented actor to pull this off. I think this movie is a great example; and, James Spader is always very effective at conveying emotions via underlying subtext.

Another great example of this would be Harrison Ford and Kelly McGillis in Witness. It's a thing of great beauty; and unfortunately, not something we see very often. I'm sure there are others; I just can't think of them at the moment.

Finally, I recently watched sex, lies, and videotape again after all these years. I initially thought it might not age all that well; but to my surprise, it certainly has. It still remains a classic in my book. And James Spader, well, what can I say? He's a truly gifted actor. :-)

"I've been following in footsteps all my life. Save me, Sabrina fair, you're the only one who can."

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[–] Radiant_Rose 17 years ago

I am merely blushing and practically drooling because of the talent. Nothing else, I assure you!

"CSI" helped my DIY!!!

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[–] Jem333 17 years ago

I agree with the post-ers who interpreted Graham's "non-verbal" expression of his feelings as a euphemism for violence, probably violence against women in particular. But Soderbergh seems purposely ambiguous in this film; that's one of the many things I like about it.

I've always wondered what John meant at his and Ann's first (only?) dinner with Graham, when he said that Graham held services in the chapel on weekends on a regular basis, or something like that... Did he mean literal religious services, i.e. was Graham extremely religious in college as well as violent with women? Or was that another euphemism for some kind of weird pagan, i.e. sexual, activities in that chapel?

And when John said to Graham <approx.>: "What would the Greeks think of your somber attire?" -- did this mean that Graham and John were in a fraternity together, or anti-fraternity, or ???

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[–] Radiant_Rose 17 years ago

My take on it is that there was something sexual going on behind that chapel. That line replaced the original one in the script book about unicycling naked.

I was thinking of the Ancient Greeks, so thank you for suggesting fraternities.

But then, I am utterly convinced that Graham wouldn't mince word if he had a history of violence. Nowhere else in the story does he gloss over things. It isn't dishonest to refuse to answer a question, but his version of honesty means saying things even if it makes the situation awkward.

"CSI" helped my DIY!!!

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[–] indymovies 17 years ago

He WAS being honest. He said that at that time he tended to express his feelings non verbally.

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[–] Radiant_Rose 17 years ago

violence to people rather than objects, he would have said so. He didn't mind admitting to impotence or to what the videotapes were for or to having known about Cynthia's affair with John. If Ann had asked him about the affair, I am sure he would have told her what he knew. Where Ann has asked him questions, he has provided honest answers even where they do not show him in a good light.

Okay, the bit about the money was a bit obscure, but I gather that dates from an earlier script where we were told about the source and then Soderbergh changed his mind.

But we do not have to agree about this. It's a film.

"CSI" helped my DIY!!!

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[–] 17 years ago

[deleted]

[–] AssetsonFire 10 years ago

And 93% of all statistics are pulled out of thin air. How one Earth does one quantify such a vague concept as non-verbal communication?

~.~
There were three of us in this marriage
http://www.imdb.com/list/ze4EduNaQ-s/

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[–] haszarathustra 16 years ago

i think graham and his fraternity -with a big probability elizabeth not a part of it- had been doing some sort of sexual rites behind the chapel. some kind of orgy or mazohistic or sadistic sexual affairs. and he regret these things that he had done. -and maybe he is taping those cassettes to prove himself that everybody has some weird sexual occasions, and by that way to relieve himself- and by the way in his normal relationships, he was violent towards elizabeth and because of this fraternity thing he always had to say lies. at this nine years of taping-casettes periods he is trying to alter himself. he is trying to be absolute honest. and becase of the feeling of guilt he became an impotent or deliberately abstain from sex and says he is an impotent. he is trying to be honest but when ann asks him about his past he cannot having the power to tell what had happened at his past. and at last i think ann and graham find themselves a shelter with each other. a reciprocal comprehension by excluding sex from between them. or sex no more a vital thing between them.

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[–] Radiant_Rose 16 years ago

i think graham and his fraternity -with a big probability elizabeth not a part of it- had been doing some sort of sexual rites behind the chapel. some kind of orgy or mazohistic or sadistic sexual affairs. and he regret these things that he had done. -and maybe he is taping those cassettes to prove himself that everybody has some weird sexual occasions, and by that way to relieve himself- and by the way in his normal relationships.

That's an interesting theory. Thank you.

he was violent towards elizabeth

I personally don't think he was, but I think he frightened her.

We cannot catwalk naked!

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[–] nutsberryfarm 13 years ago

snapping.

“Can't go wrong with taupe."- Wynn Duffy

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[–] RS-NaTa5 12 years ago

i don't use to comment on this forum because i always come here and find some opinions or view of the movie that kinda relate to mine and i feel that i wouldn't contribute
this time i have a different point of view
Graham and John were alike , like a typical Hollywood college boy just want to *beep* every girl and lie to everyone
Somehow this Elizabeth girl got serious but he couldn't maintain his relationship like john couldn't (probably because betrayal, lying, and some kinda of lack of real interaction/feelings by his side) so he tried to change and got a therapist but it didn't work so he tried to do things by himself , trying to negate all the bad things he was and comeback to his hometown to prove everyone and Elizabeth he changed.
the Greeks thing probably was his and john fraternity and the chapel is where he used to take the girls or some kind of nickname to the places he used to take them.
Guess they are really different now

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