100 Things We've Learned From Weekend at Bernie's!

Before I start, I must add, this is my favorite movie ever made. For fun.


100. Pauly is a little rusty, so rusty, in fact, he can't even finish Bernie.

99. It's possible to have sex with a Mob boss's wife, give coke to a sexy friend, sell a car, paint a Mazarati black, fall off a boat, be "insatiable," be dragged by a boat, lose your toupee only to have it stapled back on your head, be buried in the sand (twice), experience high tide, get a deep neck and shoulder massage, kick your executioner in the balls after he shot you with a "heavy dose," then shot you with a gun, check for bad guys, wave to fellow vacationers while driving your go-kart and walk on the pier all while being dead.

98. Bernie only wants the Mazarati if it's painted black.

97. Jonathan Silverman will never lie again, he promises, or until the subject of his dead aunt or dead boss comes up in a lighthouse five minutes later.

96. Less than one day of not shaving can give you a wicked 5 o' clock shadow.

95. Robbers always hold people up with a gun in broad daylight on a sunny day in the middle of a crowded Central Park in Manhattan.

94. They scatter when the lights come on.

93. A woman will always forgive you the next night, even if you took her to the ghetto part of town for dinner, told her your parents died in a horrific plane/train accident, then lied about living with your parents, having a butler and a sick aunt all on your first date.

92. A lot of people wanted Bernie to die.

91. The words "Schmuck" and "bastard" are more commonly used than the words "if" and "the" to a New Yorker.