MovieChat Forums > I Know My First Name Is Steven (1989) Discussion > i'd like to share my thoughts

i'd like to share my thoughts

posted 17 years ago by tmac19837
6 replies | jump to latest

The Stayner family is completely messed up. I really do feel bad for Steven and yes, his brother Cary as well. As for what happened to Steven, that was horrible. Kenneth Parnell was a sick, twisted man. However, I want to express my gratitude as a member of society that Kenneth Parnell took Steven away from his family. Whatever he did to Steven, at least it didn't turn him into a serial killer. Plain and simple, Kay and Del Stayner are the worst parents ever to walk this earth. One child kidnapped in broad daylight, totally willing to believe his parents wanted nothing to do with him anymore, the other son murders 4 women. Cary also stated that he'd been fantasizing about killing women since the age of 7, 4 year prior to his brother's kidnapping. Say what you will about my stance here, but Steven's kidnapping and sexual abuse more than likely SAVED him from whatever was going on in the Stayner home. I find it reasonable to believe that this youg child found his new situation, however awful it must have been, to be preferable to his old one. Perhaps he considered sexual abuse a slightly more desireable form of abuse than physical and verbal. Being a child and not knowing anything about sex, he probably didn't realize it was wrong. Perhaps it felt wrong, but without KNOWING it was wrong, had to be preferable to physical, verbal, and emotional abuse which even a dog can figure out is blatantly wrong.

Also, while many consider his death tragic, I do not. Everyone on this planet is going to die, and for someone with such a messed up life, having been abused in so many ways by every parental figure he'd ever know, I consider it a sweet release for him to have died young, and not have to carry that baggage around for another 40 or 50 years before eventually meeting the same fate...death. Plus had he stuck around just another 11 years he would been given the delightful previledge of watching his brother sentenced to death for multiple counts of murder 1.

It is my belief that only 2 things kept Steven himself from becoming a serial killer; Parnell's broad-daylight abduction of him at age 7, and his death at age 24. So my guess is right now there are several people alive today who would not be if Steven had been left with his family. So, much like Jesus, he suffered so that others wouldn't have to.

[–] IDinProgress 17 years ago

It's also possible that Steven's kidnapping and return contributed to Cary's rampage. It didn't cause the fantasies (if he was telling the truth about that) but it could have helped trigger the response to them. Maybe the fantasies got worse over time because of environmental factors. And I think that Cary may not have gotten the attention he needed because his father was devastated by Steven's disappearance, and then when he returned, Cary was further shoved to the background. I don't know. I don't know all he went through, that's just the impression I got from reading the book.

Who knows what Steven would have been like if he'd lived? All we know is that he saved another boy's life and that he did what he could to help other kids in his position, he had several troubled years with his family and then he died a tragic death. We don't know if he would have snapped later on, but it's not fair to speculate and assume that he would have. We don't know that. And we don't know how he would have turned out if Parnell hadn't kidnapped him. What we do know is that he endured more during those 7 years than any kid should have to. And despite what he went through, he did defy his tormentor on a few occasions in the name of what was right. So I don't think he was like Cary.

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"In violent times, you shouldn't have to sell your soul."

[–] geae 17 years ago

I think thats a very stupid, twisted and appalling assessment with no real comprehension of the truly horrific circumstances the Stayner family have been through.

Parnell didnt "save" Steven from anything. His actions triggered a level of trauma that was so deep and so endlessly cruel that it lead to the increase in Cary's disturbed behaviour, disassociation and eventual criminal acts.

There is NO logic in saying Steven's years of enduring sexual, physical and emotional abuse and then his death as a result of a drunk driver ploughing into his motorbike as he drove home to his wife and children after work, was "better" than being raised by what was a very loving and supportive family. Are you retarded or something? If you remove the kidnapping episode from this equation then Steven would still be here today and his brother would not of been so psychologically twisted to do what he did!!!

Do some better research. Have a heart and stop twisting this story. Its sad and painful enough for the family, without you making blind assumptions on events you know nothing about.

[–] IDinProgress 17 years ago

I agree, geae.

By the way, sexual abuse is one of the most traumatic things a child can endure. Steven was not spared anything. Also, if Steven hadn't been kidnapped, Cary probably would have had a much better life and maybe he would not have snapped the way he did. We don't know. To the OP, do you think the kidnapping helped Cary? Or do you think it had zero effect on him?

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"Pike isn't a name. It's a fish."

[–] nicolarandall 17 years ago

What a tragic life Steven lead. Just as he had settled done to start a new life with his young family after the years of abuse he endures he dies so young. Parnell is a real low life how can someone be so twisted. My heart goes out to the Stayner family, must have been hard losing their son/brother getting him back then loing him all over again. I can understand how it could mess someone up ie Cary. I in no way condone the horrendous crimes commit but I feel sorry that Parnell somehow caused more heartache than just those two whom he abducted.

I hope in some way the Stayners can now move on from this very tragic episode in their lives.

[–] 17 years ago

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[–] Giwu 12 years ago

The Stayners are not the worst parents on the planet. Times were different then. Today's 7- year old is a lot more savvy than Steven was. Parnell was a master manipulator and Steven was no match for him. The same thing could have happened to me if I had been kidnapped. My family was barely middle class and neither of my brothers liked me much. It would have been easy for a kidnapper to tell me that I was too expensive.

Cary had profound problems as a child that were not treated properly. He should have been in counseling and sadly, I don't think the medication existed then to treat him. He had vivid, violent fantasies, pulled his own hair out and I'm drawing a blank on some of the other psychological tics he had.

I do not think Steve would have become a serial killer or child molester. While no one can know, I think he would have been a marginal adult, not outstanding by any means. At age 24, he'd had numerous separations from his wife, he was still being irresponsible while driving, he smoked, drank and was an occasional drug user. While he did work, all of his jobs were entry level minimum wage. I think life would have continued to be a struggle for him, battling his demons, trying to have positive relationships, probably emotional immaturity, addictions.

I'm not saying he would have been a bad guy, just that one person everyone knows flaunts authority or pushing the legal envelope on minor issues (driving and drugs).

All typos are hereby blamed on my iPad.