I think Neil's father honestly believed that he was doing his best for his son … but he couldn't see that he was trying to make his son live out his own unrealized hopes & dreams, the things he might have wanted as a young man, but couldn't possibly afford. In his mind, he was doing for his son what he might have wished someone had done for him. In his mind, he was only doing good for Neil.
But in doing so, he could never really see Neil as a person in his own right, as someone who might want something different from life. It was unconscious on Mr. Perry's part, he was unaware of his own inner motivation, as he wanted to see himself as doing this wonderful thing for his son—but he couldn't see that he was also doing it for himself.
And clearly Mr. Perry was driven, perhaps even more so than the fathers of the other boys. I get the feeling that those other fathers, no matter how much they assumed their sons would follow in their footsteps, didn't begrudge their sons enjoying things like acting in school plays, or being in the band, or whatever else they might want to do, so long as it didn't affect their grades. Neil's father had something that he desperately needed to prove that those other fathers didn't have to—and that drove him to rigidly control Neil as much as he could, without being able to see that he was actually hurting Neil more than helping him. In a very real way, he didn't see Neil, he only saw himself. He wasn't a monster. He was simply lacking in self-awareness … and that had tragic consequences.
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