1. God is the Hugh Hefner on high.
2. You can't meet a nice woman in a bar; you have to go to nice places, like a library, church or black awareness rally.
3. If there's one thing Queens has got a lot of, it's common parts.
4. Lisa always gets the good ones.
5. Akeem is not interested in Patrice.
6. He is not interested in Darryl either.
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7. Akeem & Semmi learned how to make french fries
8. Akeem does not care about his crown.
9. They appreciate donations that jingle, but they'd rather get the kind that folds.
10. The landlord is not King Jaffe's son
11. Akeem works
12. King Jaffe tied his shoes once. He found it overrated.
13. The landlord's room is a real sh!thole
14. akeem got employee of the month at Mcdowells
15) Akeem had a right to know that it's okay to have sex with his bathers. In fact, he's expected to.
16) The collection plate isn't the proper place to toss your chicken bones.
17) That ain't nuthin but ultra perm.
18) Just let your Soul Glo.
19) It's easier to mop without the bucket.
20) When you think of garbage, think of Akeem.
21) McDowell's buns.... have no seeds.
22). "See You Next Wednesday" stars Jamie Lee Curtis, Moe Howard and James Brown.
23). Randy Watson believes that children are our future.
24). All Akeem wants is to be loved, to be loved.
25). When Mr. McDowell is excited, he feels like breakdancing.
26). Randolph and Mortimer are back.
"She filled the blank with a tube of denture cream and a false sense of superiority."
27. Semmi has not had sex since he got to America.
28. No matter how much a man admires you, he won't give you expensive earrings unless you're giving him a little bootay.
29. Holding a cup of coffee in your hand makes you unable to help in an armed robbery.
30. Most of the guys who work at McDowell's don't go around quoting Nietzsche.
31. McDowell's buns have no seeds.
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32. They have the golden arches, we have the golden arcs.
33. Rocky Marciano beat Joe Louis' ass.
34. 300 grand is not enough. Why not go for a cool million?
35. Joe Louis was a 137 years old.
36. "Sweat from a baboon's backside" is an acceptable replacement for "Your Highness."
37. Akeem has recently been placed in charge of garbage
38. Soul Glo's home weave products are really taking off
39. It's a damn shame what they did to that dog
40. You ain't never seen Martin Luther King with no mess of Jerry curls on his head
41. Semmi is badly in need of a manicure
42. Sam Jackson has robbed McDowell's five times
43. Reverend Brown loves the Lord
44. You are not Akeem
I have to return some videotapes
45. A Prince must always walk on rose petals
46. Berries and other juices makes your hair soft and squidgy
47. McDowells allows its employees to take their Employee of the Year framed photograph home.
48. Zamunda citizens can be found all over the world, even at baseball games.
48. Jerry curl spray stains sofas so be careful how you sit.
49. Elephants roam free in the royal courts of Zamunda
50. All young men must sow their royal oats before getting married
51. Old Jewish men can be found hanging out at Black barber shops in Queens.
52. Jehovah's Witnesses are unwanted visitors everywhere
53. Lisa's sister had no qualms whatsoever about seducing her sister's fiancé.
54. African princes enjoy fencing in their leisure time.
55. African princes understand 'hippopotamus s*it' but not 'dumb *beep*
56. It costs 8 dollars for a single snip at My-T-Sharp
57. Being confined to a suite at the Waldorf Astoria, clothed in decent attire and bathed thoroughly by beautiful women is a punishment
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58. The king has sex with the Royal Bathers.
"You're going to need a bigger boat." - Chief Brody
[deleted]
59. If lovin' the Lord is wrong, Arsenio don't wanna be right.
"You're going to need a bigger boat." - Chief Brody
1. God is the Hugh Hefner on high.
60. Akeem knows nothing about American football
61. Part of the courting ritual is to have your fiancé bark like a dog and hop on one foot
62. If you wanna stay incognito in America, tell everyone you're a goat herder.
63. Cuba Gooding gets his hair cut at My T Sharp
64. Patrice wears some big-ass earrings.
65. Wearing clothes must be a new experience for non-Americans.
66. God helped Gilllllli-gan get off the island.
67. Africans quite possibly play games such as "Chase the Monkey".
68. This is America, Jack!
69. It has to be announced when the royal penis is clean.
www.youtube.com/jrandjanet
70. There is a god somewhere!
71. When a renter falls down the stairs the landlord says "Your rent is due motherf#cker"
72. You find good American girls in church
73. You can find the McDowell's restaurant on 8507 Queens Boulevard
74. Semmi was in need of manicure
75. Half Time at a sporting event is REALLY interesting.
76. Akeem's "Queen to be" is free from infection
77. Zumunda Royalty's faces are on the country's money
78. Leaving your stuff outside an apartment in queens (for any length of time) signals to everyone that you no longer want it.
79. Its ok to force your daughter into marriage as long as the guy is rich.
80. Dottie will sic on command.
81. Akeem is willing to renounce his throne to win back his true love.
82. Claiming to be a prince on the New York City subway will garner marriage proposals from little old ladies.
80. "His momma calling Clay, I'm calling him Clay."
81. If a girl is hot than someone ought to put her on a plate and sop her up with a biscuit.
82. Dr. Martin Luther King hits people who look like Eddie Murphy.
83. Randy Watson is from Jackson Heights and everyone knows him as Joe the Policeman from the "What's Going Down" episode of "That's My Momma".
84. No one is sure how old Joe Louis was but he got his ass whooped.
85. African Princesses are trained to like whatever you like
86. African Princesses will bark like a dog and a BIG dog upon command
87. African Princesses have their own theme song: Sheeeee's your queeeeeen toooo beeeeeeee
89. Peaches is the best and all the DJ's want to feel her breasts
90. A man needs to put in overtime for a woman to get off...
91. Akeem having a date with Lisa is wonderful
92. An old lady on the subway will really marry you if you're really a prince
93. Akeem cannot wipe his own backside
94. Semmi & Akeem are Mr. McDowell's African Connection
95. Clarence never heard of no woman give a man some lovin' just because his hair looked good
96. Babar lives on the palace grounds of Zamunda
97. Prince Akeem has his OWN money
98. Be sure to put plastic slip covers on your furniture when Darryl's family comes for a visit
99. The Queen has eyes for Mr. McDowell
100. Lisa's little sister Patrice likes to give hand jobs @ College Basketball games
YOU MADE ME PLAY SECOND BASE!
Might be some repeats but here it goes.
101. You have to stand five feet back Akeems penis that big.
102. You cannot have nice things being two roommates on McDowell's salary.
103. You need to stay off drugs when watching football or want to continue to work here.
104. Them Jehovah witness are very supposedly will not take no for an answer have to be attacked by a small white dog.
105. You turn down two million dollars after the King insults your daughter instead of taking it anyways.
106. You do not know what any vulgar language means but learn it quickly when Samuel L. Jackson comes to rob the place.
107. You come to America with only one servant to protect you, clean up after you and grant your every whim.
108. You cannot rent an apartment dressed nicely you need to flash a big pile of cash in the landlord’s face.
109. America is so free we can just throw our trash any where
110. No matter how poor you are, your apartment is, how you dress a woman will always except that fact and be willing to buy groceries which never get used and take you out to dinner as well.
111. The queen has never set our used a recliner before.
112. Akeem has seen a wine bottle be opened before
113. You can put a big pile of $100’s in a collection plate no one will notice touch or bother it.
114. Birdie Hale loves making cameo appearances.
115. Lisa’s dad can threaten to kick the king’s royal a$$ and no one says a thing about it or comes to his rescue even his body guard.
116. Just because your employee is serving a customer you will take it away and give it to someone else.
117. You go throw the door do not notice your employee and knock drink out of there hand all over the floor.
118. They are going to call him Clay in-spite this is America and anyone can change there name.
119. Where is the spoon
120. To be loved oh what a feeling to be loved.
121. $500,000.00 Jewelry they will let anyone sign for it even though it is for you.
122. There are women present you do not care about using vulgar language.
123. You start off by asking for $300,000.00 all the way up to $1,000,000.00 ask for it after spending all your money King, Queen etc will show up.
124. Who is the King to change tradition
125. Akeem came to soil his royal oats.
126. The king son works
127. the punishment for not doing your assignment or job properly is being punished at the lavish hotel and being bathed thoroughly “Thank your Majesty.”
128. Eddie Murphy sure can jump high in the air land and not injury himself.
129. You sit 100 to 200 feet away from your parents and communicate with them via an intercom system
130. anyone that throws roses at Akeem’s feet will answer to the king.
131. You and your family picture or photo is in an art museum which you are in America for 40 days and not one person recognizes you.
132. Akeem is the servant and Arenso Hall is the prince.
133. Eddie Murphy is 21 despite he was 21 in Trading places which came out 5 or 6 years earlier.
134. Akeem makes everyone happy and everyone loves him.
135. Lisa gets pissed because you announced a surprised engagement which shows your true love for her, every women says they want to be married and not long ago you were just so in love with him
136. Your have servants who just saved your restaurant from getting rob for the 6th time, yet you treat them like crap go on get out of here after they serve wine to the guests.
137. Akeen makes Darryl Jenks look like a welfare case.
138. Landlord can tell you your rent is due mother f u_ _ er your not passed out
139. You can squeeze a bunch of bags, luggage into one taxi
140. Half time is Akeem;s favorite part of the basketball game.
141. I apparently have no life lol
142. You will get sued for making any reverences or having similar products in a movie even though the company gave you permission and 99% of the companies in America have completion which are similar such as Coke, & Pepsi, Pizza hut & Pappa John's Best Buy & Staples.
143. Arenso Hall was all ready for the group thing.
144. Just because you light a lighter under your hand that made you Joan of Arc in your former life.
145. The queen can tell you the King to stuff it the boy is in love.
146. Akeem can order a perfect stranger to bark like a dog and jump and down on one foot.
147. The guests can wait.
148. the Queen has radiant skin according to Arenso Hall .
149. Daryl needs to get out of them wet clothes.
150. The Duke brothers are so grateful that a perfect stranger give them money they don't recognize him or even say he looks similar to the person that made him lose all their money in the first place.
151.Randolph Duke is allowed to be homeless after suffering a heart attack and does not seem too be ill because of it.
152. One of the guests at black awareness likes McDonalds fries better and she will not tell Mr. McDowell that.
153. Lisa will not help her father by mentioning or pluging the salad bar that will give the restaurant address.
154. I knew it was you according to Lisa.
155. Louie Anderson character's name is never mentioned on screen and has very little screen time.
156. Cleo McDowell is below the king so is his daughter.
157. The king has obviously been to America before he knows his way around.
158. Eddie Murphy and Arenso Hall like to dress up as various characters.
159. Lisa always gets the good ones.
160. A haircut was even $8.00 in 1988.
161. Joe Luis was 137 years of old at one point in his life.
162. The Basketball game must of suck you leave and run into Akeem as he is comming out and ask where you meet him at he response in the bathroom.
163. The Taxi they rode in even though in New York had no glass between them or the driver.
164. You dare not speak back to Akeem he might write a notice to his daddy which you will need to send to tell on you.
165. John Amos loves pig in a blanket.
166. If Lisa wanted to be with a rich guy she would be with Daryl.
167. Arenso Hall apparently has something going on with the food tasting lady.
168. Who is going to clean up the flowers at the barber shop, Lord forid you have to do it with hair on the floor since your a barber shop.
169. James Earl Jones is a pervert faces lights up sex topic comes up.
170. Assistant manager that is when the big money comes in.
171. You can unscrew a mop handle from the mop head and tharsh someone with a gun.
172. The king ordered Akeem's first diaper changed.
173. Akeem what happened to the rose bearers Arenso Hall wants to know.
174. Arenso Hall you would rather have a woman that has an opinion all she needs is nice butt and huge breasts.
175. Akeem wants a woman that can arise his loins as well as his intellect.
176. Arenso Hall even though being Akeem's servant has never had to do manual labor or work.
177. The dog will even look into the camera.
178. You can renounce your throne in public more than once and still be a prince.
179. If Arenso Hall blew it with Lisa he will never be forgiven.
180. The mayor, city council person or anyone else does do not come to see a a foreign diplomat in the country.
181. Taking all of Arenso Hall pocket change does not mean you are broke.
182. You do not need to look good, have a good paying job, money just get in good with America girls father then you are good with her.
183. Not only is the King exalted ruler, master he is a concerned dad.
184. It's a real sh it hole.
185. One can find a Queen in Queens New York.
186. You need to dress like Americans so no one knows you royalty.
187. They will skip the your royal penis scene entirely on tv.
188. Akeem is still willing to give up everything for Lisa.
189. They have not come to that part yet your highness.
190. You can lie about a rat and still get the girl.
191. The life of a goat herder is easy the goats take care of themselves.
192. Louie Anderson started off at that and within 2 or 3 years will be assistant manager.
193. You can rent out an apartment of a recently murdered victim.
194. The King loves wearing dead animal skin and has no change of clothes.
195. Sexual chocolate barely get any applaud.
196. No one is allowed to take a picture of McDowell's or camera will be broken.
197. You fly British airways even though from Africa.
198. Western Union will let you ask for one million dollars.
199. Only God can give her that joy.
200. Akeem is happy to be here.
201.Rocky Marciano is always pulled out of a white man's behind.
202. Woman at bar cannot be satisfied with a man that can go 1 1/2 hours he needs to put out to get her off.
203.yes yes f you too.
204. what does dumb f mean?
205. The king has sex with his bathers
206. There is always an element of insomnia when it comes to love according to the king.
207.Get the royal baggage
208. A complete stranger is almost single her husband is on death row.
209. America the land is so vast the choices are infinite.
210. Akeen wants Lisa for who he is which I thought he was a prince go figure.
211. Being the sole heir to the throne you can come with just one person watching out for your well being and not concerned something could happen to you such as being taken hostage or being killed.
212. Frank Sinatra will go to any barber.
213. Mike Tyson is a boy.
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"197. You fly British airways even though from Africa."
There are not many direct flights to Africa from New York, secondly he maybe wanted to fly the Concorde which takes 3:30 hours to arrive in New York (from London).
101. You have to stand five feet back Akeems penis that big.