Live action casting

I'm very glad to hear one of my favorite anime films of all time is getting the hollywood treatment at long last! Here are my suggestions for casting, and I'm itching to hear all of yours.

Kaneda- Tobey Maguire, no brainer, because nothing says "japanese motorcycle gang leader" quite like Tobey Maguire, moving on.

Tetsuo- Justin Beiber, because what better metaphor for the character than a seemingly charming little boy who gets a taste of power, and turns into a raging little *beep*?

Kei- Julia Roberts. She's just so great in everything, and again, nothing quite says "japanese revolutionary" like the wonderful Julia Roberts.

The Espers- Ahhhhh... running out of steam here... just... throw in those creepy cgi midgets from the Depp version of "Charlie and the Chocolate Factory," because, lets face it, anyone watching this pile of *beep* wont notice the difference anyways.

Colonel Shikishima- I'm really torn between either Vinnie Jones, or Flavor Flav, just cant come to a decision...

Nezu- Once again, I'm torn. It's a toss up between Haley Joel Osment and Val Kilmer, because we need a fat *beep*. (seriously, what happened to those two?) If the lack of buck teeth are an issue, a few of Gary Busey's giant *beep* teeth are looking for work, and could stand in.

Kaori- Nicole "Snooki" Polizzi, because really, who doesn't want to see her devoured by a gelatinous mass?

Yamagata- Jared Leto, because Jared Leto needs to be in every movie. Jared Leto! Jared Leto... Jared... Leto... Jar..........ed.... ... ... Leto.

Kai- Eh... *beep*, I dunno... Woody Allen?

And finally... the titular character...

Akira- ... Charlie Sheen... nuff' said.

If I've forgotten any main characters, the horrific cgi midgets can fill in the rest, we've already established none of this matters at the end of the day.

Stop remaking *beep* already, STOP IT! IT ALWAYS SUCKS, IT'S NEVER GOOD! *beep* stop taking Japanese films, and shooting them with American actors, in Japan. Stop taking classic films, and for no reason, making the protagonists black, that's NOT being original, you *beeping* *beeps*(lol.) Stop remaking films that were only out a little over 10 years ago. Better yet, just stop making professional films all together, I promise you, independent film makers will fill the gap, and do a better job than you're doing right now.