Things we learned from this movie
1. Two Marines were court-martialed for their attempt to steal a plane and raid Hanoi.
2. Richard Nixon considered a sex change.
3. Robin Williams has really hairy hands.
You may continue.
4) 3 up and 3 down does not mean End of an Inning.
5) Dickerson isn't really crazy, he's just mean.
6) Nixon leaves behind a trail of sh*t that could fertilize the Sinai
7) Even his close personal friends wouldn't buy an apple from the son of bitch.
8) His testicles are soft, shallow and have no purpose.
9) Under "A$$hole" in the dictionary, it says "See Lt Hauk".
10) Lt Hauk sucks the sweat off a dead man's balls.
11) Polka is a much maligned musical taste.
12) The weather is not the same all the time in Vietnam, in fact it is 2 degrees colder than it was yesterday.
13. Perry Como, Andy Williams, Jim Reeves, Mantovani and certain lyrics by Mr Frank Sinatra are the types of music that the Army consider acceptable.
14. If you suggest Percy Faith you will receive a commendation from the Lieutenant who will say, 'Good, that's good'
15. Bob Dylan is way, way, way, way out of line.
16. General Taylor is the tallest hog in the trough
17. If your name is Private Edward Garlick you need to requisition a new name
18. Bob Hope won't come to Vietnam, he doesn't do police actions, only wars!!!
19. Reader's Digest are considering publishing two of Lt Hawk's jokes
20. **** You don't have to salute a lieutenant, not even occasionally ****
21. **** You can show open contempt and insolence towards a Sergeant Major ****
22. **** When a Lieutenant reminds you about what he said a few minutes ago it's ok to say 'Sorry Sir, I wasn't listening' ****
23. **** You can address a General by saying 'Howdy General'*****
WARNING - **** If you really are in the army DO NOT TRY ANY OF THESE. You will end up in BIG TROUBLE!!!!!
23) He likes to say PC instead of press conference.
24) And if you do, and if you doooo, and if you do happen to speak with him, please be polite and to the point at all times.
25. You can teach English to Vietnamese people by making up a fake "I'm terminally ill' story and bribing the teacher.
26. American movies have two sets of subtitles when they are shown in Vietnam.
27. It's a bad idea to ride a bicycle without rubber tires.
28. Sgt. Major Dickerson is in more dire need of a BJ than any white man in history.
29. General Taylor finds #28 above to be funny.
30. Consorting with the enemy does not look good on a resume.
31. A melon makes a good baseball.
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34. Marty Dreiwitz does not understand the appeal of Joey Bishop
share35. That the V.P. is such a V.I.P., we need to keep the P.C. on the Q.T.? 'Cause if it leaks to the V.C. he could end up M.I.A., and then we'd all be put out in K.P
shareThe Americans would not escalate a conflict to get Bob Hope
IIRC the scene correctly they are talking about which famous people to try and bring, and it is said something along the lines of 'Bob Hope only does police actions'
36. A protective dike is not a large woman who says "don't go near there".
37. Zeppo Marx was not the one with the hat.
38. That last two seconds of silence was Marcel Marceau's "Walking in the Wind"
39. Ethel Merman jams Russian radar.
40. General Taylor knows Nixon personally.
41. Never eat in a Vietnamese restaurant next to a pound.
42. They feed Montovani to insomniacs who don't respond well to strong drugs.
and finally:
43. Lt. Hauk knows in his heart he is funny.
43. Sgt Dickerson is in more dire need for a blow job han any other white guy in history
44. When asked to describe your lost duffelnt say 'all duffels look alike'
45. At the time the movie was set Elizabeth Taylor had been married longer than 6 Months...Congratulations Liz
46. We all know in our hearts Lt. Hauk is an *beep* who would not know funny
47. A yearly mail rush occurs after 8/13
48. The shadow of PFC Eddie Garlick's ass weighs 20 pounds.
49. Sgt Major Dickerson recognizes humor.
50. Jimmy Wah has determined that Hong Kong is the home of the shiny green suit.
51. Lt. Hauk isn't going to escalate the Vietnam conflict just to book a big name comedian.
52. It wouldn't kill people to salute Lt. Hauk once in awhile.
53. The Pope has been found to be Jewish.
54. Adrian Cronauer wears Cretan camouflage.
55. Richard Nixon's testicles are soft, very shallow and serve no purpose.
56. Sgt. Major Dickerson said what Adrian witnessed was not official news.
57. Adrian Cronauer needs his muff as its gotten two degrees cooler in Vietnam.
58. Sgt. Major Dickerson is being transferred to Guam.
59. Adrian Cronauer can't picture unattractive alternatives without slides.
Woman: Are you the police? Elwood Blues: No maam, we're musicians.
60. vietnamese people want to learn how to play softball.
Season's Greetings
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