Things you learn from watching Threads

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- 13 years after a 1980s nuclear apocalypse, teenagers still speak more eloquently than most of them do in 2011.

- 13 years after a nuclear apocalypse, people will still have carrier bags.

- Entrepreneurs will always come to the fore in a disaster, even if they are just selling dead rats.

- the RAF will waste fuel by flying a Bulldog over a crowd of refugees and saying 'go home' despite a. no homes existing any more and b. it being highly unlikely they would be heard over the engine noise

- if you are so hungry that you will eat raw meat from a sheep's stomach, you will still hesitate over radiation poisoning.

- After a nuclear war, police constables in full uniform with just a light dusting of fallout on their helmets will politely dispute with householders over billeting, despite no house in Britain having any windows or roofs left.

- Grumpy elderly Yorkshiremen are capable of throwing out a crowd of starving refugees from their house simply by telling them to go away and hurling their carrier bags after them.

- Post nuclear apocalypse teenagers will still have time to watch kids' tv and unpick old jumpers rather than hunt for food or grow crops.

- a Soviet nuclear attack will destroy the entire world. No other countries with ships or planes will survive or come to the UK, even years later, despite the fact that even the hardest-hit countries can still generate enough electricity to watch old episodes of 'Words and Pictures'.

IN THE EVENT OF A NUCLEAR STRIKE

1) Don't "go too fast" when helping your grandmother down the stairs.

2) When a member of your family is puking their guts out, don't just sit there DO SOMETHING!!

3) If you are about to cheat on the mother of your unborn child, be sure to conjure up the most inarticulate phrase you can muster, preferably something that ends with: "Blown-a-pob-job" directly before you go about your sordid deed.

4) Once you have gathered together all the Emergency Committee people, summarily bury them all alive.

5) If you're looking for the first aid kit, it's "ON THE SHELF AT THE BACK!!"

6) The Alan Parsons look-a-like deserves special mention:
a) He needs you to "LISTEN!"
b) What is he expected to do?
c) Just let him get on with it, okay?!
d) You must understand that "There are NO ROADS LEFT!"

7) If you are a morbidly obese doctor, please feel free to discuss "Survival of the Fittest" with a straight face.

All the ones I can think of right now.