1) Dramatic scenes are drowned out with Jimmy Page Synth.... 2) Rocket Launchers are only good on enemies who are in groups.. 3) Doing crimes in private means witnessing public executions 4) A zip gun has the range and accuracy of a hundred or more feet 5) Backgroud checks aren't needed to secure a postal address 6) Getting high before a night of crime always is productive 7) Chicken is good and likeable 8) Stuffed Cabbage smells wonderful 9) A firearm is illegal within city limits 10) It's okay to violate constitutional rights 11) Due Process doesn't exist when it comes to gang members 12) The unidentified shooter was a "good shot" 13) And he was better than anyone in the department 14) Sometimes you can't have both 15) An elephant gun leaves a big mess 16) When constitutional rights are violated, you can sue. 17) Grand Theft Auto is capital offense 18) When someone has a nail go through their foot, they are "hurt man" 19) You can die from a broken arm 20) When faced with a riot, instead of using a gun,bat,or knife, a plunger is a suitable weapon
285. Paul Kersey's good manners. When having dinner with the Kaprovs and a creep breaks into your car. Remember to politely excuse yourself and immediately go kill the creeps. After business is taken care of, simply go back and finish the dinner and jovial conversation.
289. As part of their contract, DW3 creeps were also obliged to make numerous appearances in Casualty, Boon, Heartbeat, Taggart, Coronation St, and many other UK shows over the next 20 years
290. London gap sites = New York (also = Hue, Vietnam, eg. Full Metal Jacket)
291. Eating an icecream is grounds for calling a 66 year old man a *beep*
292. Best way to travel LA to New York (2500 miles) is by Trailways coach
293. When suffering a jailhouse beating, don't expect the huge pacing black dude in the muumuu to help out
294. Paintings of Custer play cavalry-style music
295. ALL Jewish people have pictures of rabbis hung throughout their entire home
296. Eli Kaprov needs at least 300 degrees to turn around from a window
297. A man who fixes clocks and taxi meters for a living, (fairly complex devices, I'm sure...) will, if given a machine gun, be unable to figure out that the bullets should be inserted with the pointy end oriented in the direction of desired travel
298. That same man, upon seeing his shop exploding in flames, must be restrained, lest he run into the flaming building so that he may go up in flames with his beloved shop
299. A war veteran, in possession of two machine guns, will, upon realizing that thugs are breaking into his apartment from several directions, instinctively reach for an object with which to strike his assailants, rather than using the aforementioned machine guns
300. A man, being pursued by thugs wishing to kill him, will, when he trips, throw his gun away so that he can brace himself for the fall, thus sparing him injury to his face. He will throw it far enough so that he will be unable to find it when he gets up again
301. If wearing a bullet proof vest and somebody guns you down, play dead for a minute or two, then get up and waste time by saying "bullet proof A$$HOLE! JUST LIKE YOURS!" thus giving the peron(s) who gunned you down enough time to gun you back down. Or blow you up with a anti-tank weapon. Whichever case, you'll be dead (just like Charlie.)
"I'm a vehemently anti-nuclear, paranoid mess, harbouring a strange obsession with radioactive sheep."
bad guys are able to manage their gangs as efficently as any company and simply call up a local franchise when they are running a little short on help.
Shooting at civilians and police, firebombing establishments are OK but Breaking and Entering will give you pause. This is evidenced by the hoodlum who looked both ways before prying open a door with a crowbar shortly before being knived in the head.
309. Police Capt. Shryker LOVES to go jogging down the street, side-by-side, with his "dude" Kersey--BLASTING EVERYTHING AND EVERYBODY that comes around any corner! What if the Kaprovs decided to take a stroll down the street (with their sweaters on) and just so happen to turn the corner the same time Shryker and Kersey are tandem jogging/shooting...BLAM! No more "stuffed cabbage" for sure!
310. Creeps are outstanding stuntmen! The greatest of all? The one creep who attempts to break in someone`s back door on an upper floor, gets jacked-up for his efforts by the inhabitants at the door, then has the courage to take 2 steps then throw himself forward, rolling down 2 flights of stairs head-first before coming to a sudden stop. This draws the ire of Fraker who sends a man/woman creep-team to firebomb the house and he blasts the inhabitants as they come running out, on fire--outstanding stunt work!
311. Creeps love trees! Example--the Creeps who try to "Oswald" Kersey by climbing a tall tree right next to a house with perfectly good balconies! What are these guys? Leemurs or Creeps?
312. Little black kids in Brooklyn apparently have no parent supervision. They roam the streets and local corner stores freely. They are prone to accepting free ice cream from strangers and can dodge thugs on motorcycles with relative ease.
313. Asking the police chief about the status of your constitutional rights gets you punched in the gut.
314. Even the most ruthless gang leader will play nice in front of the cameras.
315. When a stranger saves you from being car-jacked, speed off without saying thank you.
316. Creeps should have presented chicken while attacking Kersey, causing him to hesitate.
317. Women love Kersey because he can adjust the action on his wildey.
318. When checking your mail, even for thirty seconds, make sure to gaze back lovingly and appreciate your woman, because you never know. Actually, you do know.
319. Creep teeth are a highly sought after collectible, as creeps are an endangered species.
320. If Kersey had enlisted the help of Robert McCall, one additional creep would have been equalized.
321. If you wear a sport coat and tie on a date, you will get lucky. And chicken.
324. Hospital rooms have their beds in the middle of the room. 325. Hospital rooms have fire escapes right next to the window. 326. Hospital rooms will magically spawn in the middle of town during perfect times. 327. A WWII fighter doesn't know the simple logic how to load a machine gun's ammo. 328. Paul Kersey attracts 25 year old women. 329. Kathryn Davis is the first real nympho. 330. Gang members have nothing better to do in the day time than to ask for $5. 331. A scrawny hard-ass with an awful haircut can lead a gang with 80+ members. 332. A scrawny hard-ass will worn his enemy he got him mad, by cutting an old lady's throat, and still kindly say "bye" to him on the phone. 333. Paul Kersey will ask how much he owes even for ice cream bars which can't be more than a $1.00 334. The giggler really moves, but he couldn't outrun a bullet. 335. Richard S. Shriker really hated roaches. 336. (My favorite) When shifting a car apparently into reverse two creeps can still use enough force to push it forward down a hill. At least it seems to be in reverse when you see the R-lights on.
338. Charlie's things need looking after until he gets back. 339. Charlie's not coming back. 340. Stay out of this Ms. Davis! 341. Your height and ethnicity can be derived from your teeth. 342. The Cuban is going to kill tonight. 343. Being dead doesn't stop your body from moving. 344. Being shot while running and wearing your bulletproof vest has no adverse effects on you. 345. However your shirt will be ruined. 346. In addition to having no recoil, machine guns remain at room temperature while being fired constantly. 347. Shriker will buy you a few minutes, which means you'll have plenty of time to change your clothes and pack your suitcases before making your escape.
349. When you have finished the guys "stealing" your car, be sure to come back downstairs to dinner.
Ok, this thread was so incredibly awesome that I created a website: http://www.deathwishrules.com so that others may share the joy of all the great things we have learned watching Deathwish. Please drop by and submit your rules and let others know as well.
351. The food from old jewish people on the first floor always smells good 352. When mugging someone in broad daylight always ask them to "lend" me 5 dollars. 352.Pauls putting it in a book he's writing 353.The first floor is the worst to live in a bad neighbourhood
I know I've mentioned our new website here before and I'm shamelessly plugging, but please go check out http://www.deathwishrules.com. We've added an "Ask Paul Kersey" page which is pretty funny, but best of all is the new "Today in Deathwish" calendar. This gives you important information about things that happened this month in Deathwish. For instance, the April 29th entry is "Facing admittedly weak competition, Paul Kersey wins gold medal in first (and only) conscientious objector marksmanship contest. (1965)" If you've read all the way down to the 350's in this thread, I guarantee you will love the website! [sorry about the link, it is fixed now.]
360. Getting shot by someone in front of you will cause you to fall foward 361. Stealing a Polaroid can mean life or death. 362. Charlie can be beaten to a pulp, still hold a regular conversation then shrivel up and die 363. Oh *beep* is the movie playing Eye of the Tiger!? Oh no, more synthesizers. (watch from 18 seconds on http://youtube.com/watch?v=hFY5xMih3fo ) 364. Fat imprisoned gang members really hate the toilet
365 When Kersey fells down he throws his gun away. 366 He cannot find his gun firstly (and no other can), but after a while it isn't a problem for him. 367 Kersey can throw ice cream behind his neck. 368 Creeps will only come through the same window. 369 When you live in basement, you can open only one window 370 Cars can burn but the trees round them not. 371 During a riot near your flat it's a good idea to read the newspaper and watch TV. 372 When two cops are shooting on you, one hidden behind a car and the other is an easy target in front of the car, you will shoot on the hidden one first. 373 Even when you can have a better gun, you will use your own handmade gun. 374 When you walk in the middle of an empty street with burning cars, the police will not take care of you. 375 Everybody stops fighting when the gang leader is killed by a bazooka. 376 When gang members find a burnded body on the street which is impossible to identify, they know it's their leader. 377 It's fun to read "Things I learned from Death Wish 3" during watching Death Wish 3.
379. A creep’s preferred method of transportation is the fire escape. 380. A creep’s second preferred method of transportation is the roof top. 381. A good guy’s preferred method of transportation is the taxi, which is usually readily available. 382. LIFE magazine is so engrossing that you won’t even notice .30 caliber anti-aircraft machinegun fire outside your window. 383. A hot chick can pass for a public defender simply by putting her hair up and wearing glasses. 384. Hot chicks live in basements. 385. Living in a basement is ok as long as it’s a “nice basement”. 386. If a hot chick says her basement is a “nice basement”, believe her. 387. If your taxi meter shop should ever blow up, don’t repeat “My shop!” over and over. This will only cause your shop to blow up even more. 388. Cops are more concerned with keeping a handful of peaceful onlookers behind a police barricade than helping people trying to escape from a burning building. 389. Firing a rocket launcher inside of a small apartment will leave no residual smoke inside the apartment. 390. If an old man should happen to look outside his window to see a gang war going on in the streets, it’s ok for him to smile crazily. 391. The most hardcore gang in the city uses a mathematical symbol ("not equal to") as their sign. 392. The creeps arrive at the conclusion that multiple people killed the Giggler based on the statement "They killed the Giggler, man!", yet he died from a single gunshot. 393. Carrying groceries outside is the same as asking a creep to punch you, kick you, throw you onto the ground, or rape you. 394. A creep who hides with other creeps behind a car while waiting for a rape victim should scream either “Yeah!” or “Wooo!” when jumping out to surprise said victim. 395. Rape victims never get a window seat. 396. A gang leader in need of extra manpower can place a call to another gang leader for more men, as long as the other gang leader is able to spare them (i.e. they aren't already committed to another raping/plundering/troublemaking assignment). 397. You can tell how accurate a gang leader’s shooting is by the expression on his face; a frown indicates he is missing his target, while a smile indicates he is hitting his target. 398. Mailboxes are everywhere in abandoned, desolate areas of the projects. Sometimes there are mailboxes located right across the street from one another. 399. A mailbox makes a great source of cover during a shootout (you don’t even need to be behind it, next to it is fine). 400. If you aren’t able to squat next to a mailbox, you can squat next to someone who is squatting next to a mailbox. 401. An elevated position is advantageous when firing, unless you are Paul Kersey, where firing from any position is advantageous.
21) Gavan O'Herlihy can speak in a monotone, just as long as he makes crazy expressions in close-ups. 22) Martin Balsam can make a Browning Automatic magically turn into an M-60.
423. Complain to your friend that you've only got a zip gun to use. Then instead of picking up the shotguns, Uzis, or even regular handguns of thugs your friend just mowed down with a Browning machine gun, ignore them and continue to use your zip gun. But it will all work out at the end, because your zip gun will miraculously have better accuracy then any of those weapons.
425. If you're a public defender and the police chief is is holding a client without charges and the chief tells you to "stay out of this one" you should do what he says.
426. If you're a public defender, it's ok to hate the people you represent and hope for someone to "even the score".
427. Female public defenders can tell after a brief meeting in a hallway that one of their clients is in fact not a "creep" but a suitable love interest and when they discover this they should immediately go alone to the most dangerous gang-infested neighborhood in the city to find this guy and ask him out on a date; And if the first date goes ok sleep with him on the second date.
428. Going grocery shopping alone at night in a dangerous gang infested neighborhood is a great idea especially if a gang of thugs has already tried to carjack and rape you a few days before.
429. A small neigborhood of 2 or 3 blocks can have about 500 gang members living there.
430. Never mind gang colors and signs just paint strange symbols on your face to show gang affiliation!
431. If you are a movie director and run out of plot ideas just think of a new way to blow something up or kill a creep! After a while no one will even notice that the movie really doesn't have a plot that makes any sense.
432. Even a gang that is very well organized and makes lots of money from crime still must hold all its meetings in dillapidated rat infested holes in the ground.
433. Reading this list is much more entertaining than actually watching Death Wish 3
434. Cuban when getting high talks in the 3rd person and believes that he has somehow gained the ability to kill Paul Kersey. 435. Cuban's body can magically shift places while dead on top of a car.
450. Creeps greet each other with hugs before a riot. 451. Creeps don't mind sharing a motorcycle seat with another dude. 452. No matter how impressively muscular a creep is, he will still prance around like a little girl while he asks for $5. 453. Creeps only r@pe women with masculine faces. 454. Creeps wear makeup. 455. At least Creeps can now get married in New York.
Ha, I started this thread 3 years ago, and it never gets old :)
456. Cops only enforce the parking rules 457. Bennett is a tough bird, but he'll make it. 458. Paul Kersey had to go someplace 459. Riots bring back fond war memories in old WW2 Vets... 460. Paul Kersey isn't a man who will run, just like Charlie
471. Creeps actually do dedications before they commit their crimes. For example, Fraker would like to dedicate his next murdered old lady to Paul Kersey. Keep reaching for the stars, Creeps.
477. I've always wondered what a character with an inverted mohawk would look and act like........now I know!
478. It's ok to shoot someone in the back in broad daylight even if they're only armed with a switchblade and have not threatened you with bodily harm.
479. Heck, the whole neighborhood will even cheer you on while doing #478.
478. It's ok to shoot someone in the back in broad daylight even if they're only armed with a switchblade and have not threatened you with bodily harm.
479. Heck, the whole neighborhood will even cheer you on while doing #478.
That scene almost made me sympathetic for The Giggler. When Paul Kersey said he had a plan to stop The Giggler I figured Kersey would do something like rig up another coyote/road runner ACME contraption that trips him up, or smacks him in the head, like kersey did for the home invander. Instead Kersey just shoots him.
I imagine one of Kersey's neighbors complaining about a dog barking at night, and Kersey saying, "I got the perfect solution for that".
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499. Anytime full scale war goes in in NY in broad daylight, complete with machine guns and exploading buildings, no police will come. 500. Beautiful young women really go for elderly, pot bellied men who they meet in jail and find living in a ghetto apartment.
501. Congrats filmmekker! You got post 500! Only 500 more to go.
502. The Giggler will throw all caution to the wind when he eyes a Nikon Camara film case.
503. "What do I owe ya?" Yes indeed, even liquor stores in the highest crime infested hoods don't bother with bullet proof glass.
504. "Sixteen muggings, 10 murders, 8 rapes 27 random acts of violence and 4 fire bombings! All within a 4 square block area!" Yes parents it's safe to let your children go outside and play kick ball unattended!!! or four square.... whatever it was they were doing tossing the red bouncy ball around shortly after Charlie bought it.
Only right I make it to 500: 491. A right cross normally puts down a city lawyer 492. When a vigilante is loose, policemen feel "very relaxed". 493. Firing an RPG round within a few feet kills only one person, yet causes no subsequent damage to yourself or others. 494. Apparently a shotgun can be substituted as a long range weapon rather than an rifle. 495. There's nothing left to bad guys after Wildey comes to town. 496. Paul Kersey has trouble maintaining relationships. 497. When it's war, bodies from either side can make it to the morgue. 498. If the machine gun fire doesn't put you down, being on set on fire will, or the combination of both. 499. Fraker may not like his pit, but he will have to wait a few more hours before he is released. 500. Food is normally the pre-cursor to violence with Paul Kersey. Chicken, Ice Cream, Groceries, Stuffed Cabbage, Glass of water, need I go on ?
It still is. After 500 "lessons" what do you expect?
woa woa woa woa... people we're losing track!!! lol. Lets reset and pick up at 505.
505) Harboring two machine guns with a thousand rounds of ammo for each gun, Charlie would much rather fend off Creeps with a Tire Iron and foul language "You sons of Bit##es!!!!"
"I'm a vehemently anti-nuclear, paranoid mess, harbouring a strange obsession with radioactive sheep."
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515. If you park your white, expensive-looking car in front of an apartment building overnight in a heavily crime-infested neighbourhood with gangs running rampant at all hours of the day, it will still be there in pristine condition when you go out to drive it in the morning.
516. Having Shriker around your apartment is better than having a can of Raid.
517. When the big neighborhood battle finale begins, while retrieving a gun for your family member in your apartment, make sure not to swing your arms as you walk across the living room floor.
502. The police are more concerned about an old jewish couple using a gun for protection in a bad neighborhood than the actual creeps.
503. In NYC, a group of 50 creeps can throw bricks and bottles at a police car, and the police car will speed away (towards the beginning of the movie). The police won't come back to the area with reinforcements.
504. The NYPD does not have a swat team, or riot gear.
505. The typical gang of creeps is multi-racial, and the men vary in age from 19 to 45.
506. Typical leaders of gangs of creeps in NYC are tall, thin white guys with blonde hair and receding hairlines.
526. Creeps like playing "hot potato" with grenades.
527. Creeps' number one brand for their motorcycles are Honda's! Go get one today!
528. Paul Kersey don't need no shield! (As evidenced when he was approached by those two creeps in the alley @ the beginning of the riot scene. They hid behind trash cans and still managed to be killed as Kersey just ducked behind a few small rocks.)
529. Shriker really knows how to run and shoot @ the same time!
530. And when creeps throw molotovs at him, it doesn't affect him @ all!
531. Charley told Kersey to look after his apartment 'til he gets back, and you know what Kersey does??? Blows a HUGE DAMN HOLE in the apartment. What a good friend Kersey is. Charley is gonna get upset when he finds out.
532. Lieutenant Sterns' cops are not p*ssies, are they?
540. Manny Fraker's Reverse Mohawk was necessitated by a Creeps by-law that requires the red stripe on the leader's not-equals symbol to run all the way down the back of his head.
I've always lived my life by the rule: "If you get, you give. "
548. All bad guys either have painted faces or a red cloth tied around their head, arm or leg.
549. You can hold a Browning M1919 m/c gun by the barrel whilst firing
550. When Creeps' leader is killed they all back off and finally accept defeat (Just like the legend of the Red Indians in Westerns)
551. Local residents of a neighbourhood of creeps will matter of factly accept their new neighbour having dinner with them going outside and killing two creeps and them coming back to the table for desert.
552. So this is where Bill from Bill and Ted started out.
559. Old ladies have vasoline smeared over their hair, just in case they get petrol bombed in their houses.
560. NYPD officers are trained to stand in the middle of the street, and not take cover, when involved in a firefight against automatic weapons.
561. Having the worst haircut, dress sense, mannerisms, make up, etc will not subject you to ridicule.
562. Despite being trained to use weapons, uniformed NYPD officers, will be unable to hit anyone they are shooting at. Whilst their detective officer will hit every time.
563. Axing someone to death in the street, in broad daylight, gets un-noticed. Two OAP's waving a gun will result in a visit by the boys in blue.
564. Motorcycle riding gang members must wear Nazi regalia.
571. Misss. Davis should have taken the Chief's advice: "Stay out of this one Miss Davis." By not doing so, it costed her - her life :-( BOOM BOOM BOOM.
572. If you know you have only 2 clips of ammo for your pistol and you use both clips up, be sure to check if you have more clips, even though you know you don't have more.
"I'm a vehemently anti-nuclear, paranoid mess, harbouring a strange obsession with radioactive sheep."