1984 - Greystoke: The legend of Tarzan Lord of the Apes
Greystoke: The Legend of Tarzan, Lord of the Apes
Release Date: 1984
Plot Summary from IMDB: A shipping disaster in the 19th Century has stranded a man and woman in the wilds of Africa. The lady is pregnant, and gives birth to a son in their tree house. Soon after, a family of apes stumble across the house and in the ensuing panic, both parents are killed. A female ape takes the tiny boy as a replacement for her own dead infant, and raises him as her son. Twenty years later, Captaine Phillippe D'Arnot discovers the man who thinks he is an ape. Evidence in the tree house leads him to believe that he is the direct descendant of the Earl of Greystoke, and thus takes it upon himself to return the man to civilization.
SPOILERS
Characters
The Sixth Earl of Greystoke (Ralph Richardson): This was one of his last films, and he died before it was released. He also played the Chief Rabbit in Watership Down. The Sixth Earl is a doddering old fart, almost lost to senility, who often mistakes his grandson for his long lost son. At least he died happy.
Capitaine Phillippe D'Arnot (Ian Holm): This is the guy who brings Tarzan back to civilization. If Viggo had gotten this role then he wouldn’t have had to wait another 15 years to work with Ian Holm.
Lord Charles Esker (James Fox): Snobby high-brow trying to court Jane.
John Clayton/Tarzan, Lord of the Apes (Christopher Lambert): Lambert beat out Viggo in the final auditions for this role. This was Lambert’s first English appearance.
Miss Jane Porter (Andie MacDowell): Another unknown, Andie MacDowell went on to a long career of mediocre roles. Jane is an American friend of the family who has lived on the Greystoke estate all her life. Marrying the new Lord Greystoke could set her up for life. Funny, it’s after having sex with her that he decides to return to the jungle.
Major Jack Downing (Nigel Davenport): This popular character actor played the trigger happy “great white hunter” in D’Arnot’s expedition.
Story
Viggo traveled all the way to England for the final auditions for this role and got to play with monkeys in preparation. Just think how much fun he would have had shooting on location and camping out with the locals.
So, okay, the story is a guy is born in the wilderness, raised by apes, and returns as the long lost heir to a fortune and title in England. For those who are fans of the books, this story strays from the original as written by Burroughs, but I found it was the best screen version of this classic I’d ever seen. Certainly better than that Bo Derek vehicle from the 70s.
Other
Would have been repeat appearances
If Viggo had won this part, he would have had repeat appearances with both Andie MacDowell (Ruby Cairo, 1993) and Ian Holm (Fellowship of the Ring, 2001, Return of the King, 2003).
Viggonness Ratings
Viggo Screen Time (Quality/Quantity): 0 out of 10. As the star of the film, Viggo would have had quite a bit of screen time, even allowing for the young Tarzan years. This film was re-released in an anniversary edition a few years ago, so the film quality is fairly good. But he’s not actually in it. Think they might have video of his screen test laying around somewhere? Viggo jumping around in a loin-cloth making oook oook noises?
Nekkid Viggo: 0 out of 10. He would have been in a loin-cloth for a lot of screen time. Even a naked from behind shot as he ran back into the jungle at the end. Instead we have half-naked Christopher Lambert. Ya know, I had a crush on him for a while. Until I saw him trying to act in other movies. Do you realize how many nekkid shots of Viggo’s bare feet I don’t have because of the mistake the casting director made?
Viggo Sex: 0 out of 10. Once again, our man strikes out. Do you think Andie would have insisted on picking Viggo if they’d screen-tested that bedroom scene?
Fetish Factor: 0 out of 10. It hurts just to think about it.
Clothes: 0 out of 10. Much as I would have loved seeing Viggo prancing around in a loin cloth, the spiffy period clothing would have been a sight too.
Viggo Sound Bytes: 0 out of 10. Maybe if they’d had someone who spoke English in the role, they would have written better dialogue for him.
Total Viggonness Rating: 0 out of 10
So close. Greystoke was one of my favorite movies for a long time. Just think how much better it would have been with a beautiful young (even younger than in Witness) Viggo Mortensen.
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Across the modem, around the LAN, through the gateway, nothing but Net.
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Across the modem, around the LAN, through the gateway, nothing but Net.