MovieChat Forums > Testament (1984) Discussion > Painfully Scripted Hyper-Schmaltz

Painfully Scripted Hyper-Schmaltz


The high rating and and glowing praise for this pretentious, boring turd of a film is astonishing. Note that all (or most) of the praise has come from women, and that the film is written and directed by two different women. That's seldom a good sign.

Not that all women would like this film of course. Those would be clever women (who could hear the script for the bilge it is), and moron women who only watch daytime TV (who'd think it was boring - not that they'd be wrong). But that sizeable band in the middle, of thick women who think they're clever, clearly love this film, and have given it the high rating it's got.

I dare say that little tirade sounded slightly anti-women. But faced with preposterous junk like this, a little misogyny isn't such a bad idea.

I dedicate this post to my family. God bless us all.

reply

I dedicate the fact that you are boorish to everyone. Thank you, you can stop clapping now.

reply

Yeah, thanks for that.

You wait, when this thread gathers speed it's going to kick this film's arse.

reply

I think it was Leonard Maltin who called this movie "Mother Knows Best meets The Bomb" or words to that effect. (Roger Ebert, on the other hand, was deeply moved by it.)

That said, there are enough redeeming moments in the film that I overlook the schmaltz, the lack of graphic effects (death by radiation would never be this tidy), and the presence of obvious errors. For an unrelenting look at nuclear war, see Threads.

C.

reply

Actually, of all the nuclear war movies made in the early 1980s (Threads, The Day After) this is probably the most realistic. It portrays a nuclear conflict as it would most likely occur- a limited exchange. We know that San Francisco "gets it" in this movie, and so do a few other places (though exactly where is not mentioned). The fallout from the San Francisco H-Bomb puts this relatively nearby community at risk; particulary the children as their bodies are absorbing more of the radioactive fallout than the adults- as the children are still growing.

Communications would be cut off; for various reasons including national security; during the war (even the internet would be cut off in a war though this movie predates the internet so that is not shown). Most people, particulary in the isolated communities, would not know what was really going on. However, there would be no distruction of the towns in the United States as they do not have enough military or other significance to "deserve" delivery of a nuclear weapon. As this town was some considerable distance from anyplace that got bombed there was no local destruction such as you see in "The Day After". So, they would be left alone by the enemy and would have to fend for themselves as the national and state governments would certainly not have the resources to help every community.

Very realistic film of the effects of a nuclear war on the United States. A total nuclear war (wholescale exchange of nuclear arsenals) as depicted in Threads is very unlikely. Much more likely would be a "limited" exchange with the intent to get the other side to change its ways and come to terms at the negotiating table.

reply

A thoughtful analysis, and correct to direct viewers to Threads, but I have to strongly disagree with the assessment that the nuclear exchange would be limited. No strategy nor response was geared toward a limited strike capacity. I site only the persistent, though unofficial doctrine of "mutual assured destruction" as laid out by U.S. Secretary of Defense Robert McNamara (in his own words in "Fog of War" and many other resources).

Look, it isn't as if they WANTED a full scale nuclear exchange, nor even that the military planners and Generals desired anything but survivability. I am not demonizing them or exaggerating my case. But the build-up in defensive and first-strike technology in the service of "deterrence" (extensive radar and satellite sensing / policies to get the ICBMs airborn before Soviet or American missiles could eliminate those facilities, etc.) made a limited strike impossible. The missiles, wholesale, would be out of the ground before the first explosion. And that would be the ballgame. There was no mechanism by which to "turn it off" as it was never meant to be fought in the first place.

And PLEASE don't forget the development and deployment of Soviet and U.S. SLBMs, or submarine-launched missiles, in the 1970s and 1980s. They played endless games off the coast and reduced the response time for Washington D.C. to virtually minutes, so total commitment was necessary before the leadership could even know what was going on.

Nuclear was in the 1980s meant TOTAL war. I want to clarify that I mean between the Soviets and the U.S. in the 1980s. All other scenarios are different. A war between nuclear armed India and Pakistan would look very much like the limited war which you describe, similarly, a superpower war with missiles in the early 1960s. China was a wild card--but all other nuclear weapons were deployed in the service of NATO and Warsaw.


reply

Interesting that you mention Robert McNamara in your rebuttal to "limited nuclear war" as he was one of the original proponents of that concept in the 1960s. Anyway, certainly the U.S. could launch an immediate massive first strike if it were deemed necessary, but that was the most UNlikely scenario; particularly as late as the 1980s. Your mention of there being no mechanism to "turn it off" (presuming missile launches) is interesting as such a mechanism was not needed as the launches would only come about as necessary ("turned on" only as needed).

Most likely the U.S. would NOT have fired ICBMs until the strike of enemy missiles was verified. The ICBMs were set up to survive all but a direct hit from an incoming warhead. An enemy first strike would not take out all the ICBMs and the SLBMs would still be intact as they were under water and hidden. So the enemy would not even know where the SLBMs were located; how could they take them out?? Some of our bombers would be taken out by a first strike but not many. Some were on ground alert, in the middle of our country, so even an enemy SLBM strike would not get to them before the alert bombers were out of range of those missiles. Also, it is likely that prior to an actual attack we would have put bombers back on airborne alert. These would also be immune from a missile strike.

Most likely scenario was a conventional war between NATO and Warsaw Pact forces with the Warsaw Pact pushing into Central Germany about 50 ~ 200 miles then unable to progress further as NATO defenses were able to concentrate on the lead WP forces. Attack stalls out with WP trying to hold onto new territory, but the NATO counter attacks stiffen. At that point the Premier asks for a cease fire and the President and Prime Ministers say fine, but go back to where you belong. As the situation deteriorates further for the WP they decide to gamble and fire one missile in order to terrify NATO into an immediate agreement so they can hold onto their new territory. Faced with that situation; what would you do? Fire ALL our missiles and guarantee total destruction of everything or retaliate appropriately?

reply

The point isn't whether this film is realistic or not, although technically it's a melodrama and therefore not realism (and anyway it's laughably unrealistic).

But this board is meant for discussion and development of the proposition that the motion picture Testament is badly scripted, badly acted schmaltz. So go talk about ICBMs and SLBMs somewhere else, there's good boys.

reply

What exactly causes you to claim this film 'badly scripted'? Would love to know that.

And 'badly acted'? You ARE kidding, right? That's so far from the truth that your post immediately gets put into the 'trolling' column.

Testament: poorly acted. Friggin' hilarious. Get a clue.

My guess is you have a problem with the whole 'nuclear' thing in general. Either that or you have never seen (or understood) what good (in this case, incredible - and realistic) acting is in your life.

------

Wait a minute... who am I here?

reply

This is very wrong.

The cold-war doctrine for NATO when it came to a war in Europe, was to fight while retreating (since they would not be able to hold back the WP-forces), until they stood in France, or around there.

At that point NATO would start using tactical nuclear weapons on Soviet forces, effectively making Germany a nuclear battleground.

Every thinking strategist concluded with a full scale nuclear exchange right after, because the Pandora-box would now be open.

reply

"Painfully Scripted Hyper-Schmaltz"? But come on down off the fence, guy. What do you REALLY think of this movie? =]

The title of this thread _nearly_ put me off downloading "Testament". To the O.P: Presuming you've seen it, are you similarly enamoured of the movie "Threads"? http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0090163/

Gonna snag Testament anyhoo - & may well report back with findings.

TTFN, all. =]

Looks like I picked the wrong day to quit shooting smack...

reply

I guess you are the type to only be stimulated by loud explosions with little talking (or plots) to serve your small short attention span.

reply

LOL - agreed. Someone check and make sure that's not Michael Bay's IMDb account being hacked...



------

Wait a minute... who am I here?

reply

This film was a boring load of crap.

reply

Shouldn't you be off somewhere else insulting Helen Mirren??

------

Wait a minute... who am I here?

reply


This film was a boring load of crap.


No it wasn't.

Robert Altman
1925-2006
RIP

reply

Robert Altman did not say that - he'd have been with me and laughed at this schmaltz.

reply

And you know that how?

reply

Abe_Raman, the fact that you think misogyny is okay (how this has anything to do with the movie is beyond me) shows that you are just trolling. Go crawl back under your bridge and stay there. Don't you have any billy goats to harass?

I hadn't even heard of this movie, I was just on here because I liked Roxana Zal as a child actress and was wondering what she was doing these days (she also dated Rodney Harvey, another thing that eventually brought me to this page. Isn't the internet wonderful?) If you'd bothered giving a real reason as to why you disliked this movie, I would have understood but you haven't and just for that, I'm going to try and find this movie, even though the subject matter seems painfully depressing. Put that in your pipe and smoke it.



Don't let anyone ever make you feel like you don't deserve what you want.

reply

I dedicate my post to your family too. For having to put up with a backwards cro-magnum such as yourself daily. I'm sure they quite enjoy how you talk to women all the time. That being as inferior to you just because you are a man.

My god bless everything and nothing as he's an unproven and unsubstantiated entity.

reply

I'm sure many, both men and women will put you on their ignore list as they are looking for comments from people who watch movies as they should which is feeling for the characters. You totally sounded like you are attacking women.

"Do All Things For God's Glory"-1 Corinthians 10:31
I try doing this with my posts

reply

Great review! People who remember the cold war rate it highest at 7.1, with men 7.0 and women 7.6.

Metacritic has several 5/10 reviews, like https://chicagoreader.com/film/testament/

Focusing on one family in a small northern California town that seems to have survived an initial attack, Littman quickly loses interest in the logic of the concept (the naturalistic presentation of an unnatural event) and begins pushing the sentimental pornography of death.

reply

If figure you're about 9 years old, so you were not alive in 1984 to understand the place this movie occupies.

> and that the film is written and directed by two different women. That's seldom a good sign.

A vicious misogynist at 9 too. How sad. To think that God would bless you for that is so very GOP of you.

reply