Iola was so pathetic! - Mama's Family (1983) Discussion

[–] deem_bastille 8 years ago

she had no women's empowerment, no 'light' at the end of her tunnel. her mother is practically bedridden and has to be waited on hand and foot. her father is no spring chicken either.

I often see Iola in my next door neighbor. true, she lives alone but she is over at her parent's house every day doing things for her mother. Both parents are in their 90's and the father is surprisingly spry for his age. the mother, however is going downhill fast. two months ago she was okay. now myself and others see dementia setting in.

and it is hard to NOT HONOR thy parents when your parents think you are their slave and force you to so all sorts of shi7. I was emotionally neglected and abused growing up so when I started to strike back [not literally but with words] my mother would say: 'I don't much appreciate how I am being spoken to now' and 'honor thy mother and father'. well, that's great. now what does it say about making your children your indentured slaves??

respect is a two way street. she even tried having a life and her mother threw her out of the house.

Oh God. Fortune vomits on my eiderdown once more.

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[–] BugisStreetAnnie 8 years ago

My cousin's wife is a lot like her. She was living with her mother, who was in a wheelchair, and her sister who has Down's Syndrome. I assume they were getting SSI (Supplemental Security Income) because none of them had a job. When she was about 30 she met my cousin and moved in with him. Like Iola, she has never worked and is now in her 50's. If he dies before her she will be in quite a pickle because they have no money.

I've often thought Iola would likely have ended up exactly like her, with this crazy, abusive and controlling man. In other words any man that would be willing to take her in and support her.

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[–] tinkerbell_jonna 8 years ago

I often wondered what Iola would do financially when her parents pass away. I get the feeling she would try to move in with Mama. When Vint, Naomi and Bubba move out, I think Iola will move in with her.

Like Robert Baron said about his parents...

Iola is at Mama's house all the time anyway, so after her parents pass away..Iola will just come over one day....and NEVER leave :)

I dunno how Mama would feel about keeping Iola up with her check.

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[–] MandrasAndPelagia 8 years ago

She would probably get her parents house. Either the house was paid off by then, or she would've got some money from the will that she could live off of.

Make no provision for the flesh, to gratify its desires.

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[–] tinkerbell_jonna 8 years ago

I realize that but there are still utilities, groceries, light bill, water bill, etc... that go on forever.

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[–] deem_bastille 8 years ago

exactly! property taxes

but when you get right down to it... how did they pay for utilities: electricity, water, insurance whatever to begin with? either pa Boyland had some sort of retirement income or they were on some sort of disability.

I think they should have had Iola rent out a room in the house to help with the upkeep of the house and expenses. she could totally do that after the kicked the bucket.

Oh God. Fortune vomits on my eiderdown once more.

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[–] tinkerbell_jonna 8 years ago

I always assumed Iola's parents got social security, and MAYBE Iola even got paid a little bit by the state for being a caregiver, I THINK some states do this.

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[–] deem_bastille 8 years ago

yeah but back then I don't know. the family leave act and others regarding someone having to drop everything to tend to someone 24/7 was not even thought of back then.

but I also think insurance was more lenient back then and more accepting.

Oh God. Fortune vomits on my eiderdown once more.

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[–] MystMoonstruck 8 years ago

I've often thought Iola would likely have ended up exactly like her, with this crazy, abusive and controlling man. In other words any man that would be willing to take her in and support her.

I disagree with her accepting just any man. Remember when she was dating a man she thought might be serious about her and was doing everything for him. However, after listening to him interact with Thelma and the others, she told him to leave, breaking up with him.

I think Iola had more spirit than she generally showed. I could see her being a late-in-life bride~if she could find someone who would allow her to blossom. I would have liked to have seen Iola find a decent, kind man, perhaps someone who also had taken care of his parents.

I don't think she would marry a "crazy, abusive and controlling man"; rather, he should be someone that shares her values.

EDIT: By the way, Iola did a wonderful job of sublimation, creating all of the various crafts and loving what she was doing. She also was active at the church and took part in all sorts of events. Occasionally, she might act upset, but that is completely understandable, as many caregivers could verify.

(W)hat are we without our dreams?
Making sure our fantasies
Do not overpower our realities. ~ RC

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[–] tinkerbell_jonna 8 years ago

The thing is, if she is getting older and later in life, and she's getting desperate for financial security, she might not be as CHOOSY was she was in earlier days.

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[–] MystMoonstruck 8 years ago

I've known many men and women who married late in life~not out of desperation but because they finally met mates that were right for them.

Iola has many talents to bring to her marriage, and she likely would age gracefully, which does happen with women who are angular and slender.

I think, with the Harpers' help, she could make the transition from losing her parents to perhaps experiencing life without needing to worry about anyone but herself. I'm sure that any man she ended up with would have to "pass inspection" by Thelma.

I've read where people would like her to meet her sailor again. That would be so sweet!

(W)hat are we without our dreams?
Making sure our fantasies
Do not overpower our realities. ~ RC

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[–] tinkerbell_jonna 8 years ago

I;m just thinking in terms of her being totally out of money when her parents pass...what will she do? I mean she will either have to get a job or marry in a HURRY.... OR move in with Mama lol

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[–] MystMoonstruck 8 years ago

There must be something because I have a penfriend whose parents died. She has not held a job for a very long time since the town's factory closed; they never had a car. She applied for jobs but wasn't hired anywhere. I've never asked her about the situation. She lives very simply and still doesn't work. I'm sure there was no monetary inheritance judging from what she writes.

I do wish I could ask her: How ARE you doing it?! So, it is done, which is surprising to me.

I guess it depends on whether Iola's parents are able to build a "nest egg", to which Mama has referred (for herself).

Forgive me if I sounded too harsh. I'm just a cranky old lady, not quite as vocal as Thelma.

(W)hat are we without our dreams?
Making sure our fantasies
Do not overpower our realities. ~ RC

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[–] tinkerbell_jonna 8 years ago

I'm wanting to think MAYBE the state paid Iola for being a caregiver... I think that happens in some cases in some states, so maybe should would get some kind of sev. pay when they pass.

I'm also a caregiver and trying to do the smart thing and save enough to maybe make investments in stocks, IRAs and things like that.... I will likely have to get an outside job SOME day, but at least it won't be like PANIC mode.

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[–] tinkerbell_jonna 8 years ago

Ppl find joy out of life in different ways... Maybe she was happy living at home helping her parents and running around with Thelma.

Not EVERYONE wants the conventional life where you have a career and a family.

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[–] renatom1 8 years ago

I think you are all making a lot of assumptions. First, we don't know about the family's finances. According to Iola in the episode where Mama gets audited by the IRS, we learn that Iola and her parents always do their taxes on New Year's Eve. That means Iola and her parents are getting some type of income. Her father may have worked hard his whole life and saved much of his earnings; also, Iola might have made money from her sewing and handicrafts.

Second, keep in mind that cost of living in Raytown is very cheap. Naomi sold her house for $5000, and the town was willing to pay Mama $30,000 for her house to build a new mall.

Next, we know that Iola has a niece from her brother Bart. Aside from knowing that he has a pencil-shaped mustache and hump, we know nothing else about Bart. For all we know he is quite wealthy and would financially take care of Iola if necessary.

Last, with Iola's parents dead, she would likely inherit their house and whatever money they had.

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[–] tinkerbell_jonna 8 years ago

I know that Iola would inheret the house and her parent's money, but what we are saying is that would RUN OUT eventually. There are things like utilities that go on forever having to be paid.

And it would be an odd situation for a sibling to totally take care of another sibling, b/c eventually he'd prolly be like, "You need to get a job too!" lol

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[–] sumedocin 8 years ago

Yeah I figured Iola would just inherit her parents house. I doubt she was hurting for money.

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[–] acriser15 8 years ago

i agree! she was pathetic and annoying! she was always chasing after vint even tho he's married and barging in at the harpers. plus, she needed a total makeover with the way she dressed and all. i was like for the love of god please get rid of those pink dresses lol!

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[–] tinkerbell_jonna 8 years ago

I heard after doing that role that Beverly Archer became to hate the color pink and could not stand to look at it. In the reunion show they wanted to actors to dress similar to their character and Beverly wore a rose color suit, she said that was the absolute closest she would even wear to pink anymore lol

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[–] madkatz5083 8 years ago

I thought Iola was sexy in those pink dresses! Long legs!😀

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[–] RvaBread22 8 years ago

I disagree. There is nothing wrong with taking care of your parents. Iola's life was probably more fulfilled than any "single working gal" type . Remember on the Mary Tyler Moore Show? Mary Richards ended up a lonely, unemployed old maid. Iola had her parents and she was doing her Christian duties. She seemed truly happy also.

"Life is like a box of Krispy Kreme donuts".

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[–] 8 years ago

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[–] tinkerbell_jonna 8 years ago

LOL true.... anything outside the cookie-cutter norm is frowned upon.

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[–] 8 years ago

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[–] pdadday88 8 years ago

When she moved in with the Harpers because her mother didn't want her to leave I thought she was being a bitch pathetic and much especially when she kept reorganizing everything without permission and basically tried to take over Mama's role just so she could feel attention. Plus that and her chili winning was a bit much too lol

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[–] tinkerbell_jonna 8 years ago

I always wondered was Iola expecting Mama and her family to financially support her?

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[–] 8 years ago

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[–] RvaBread22 8 years ago

I believe in marriage. But the concept of moving out on your own away from the nest is actually a relatively new one. Many people find it hard to believe, but in the old days, especially in the Biblical times, many Jewish men didn't leave their parents house when they got married. They raised their children in their parents house with their wives. In the old days, it was more common to have extended families living in the house. This still exists in the South, moreso than other places.

"Life is like a box of Krispy Kreme donuts".

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[–] thepcgeeke 8 years ago

currently watching

Mama Goes Hawaiian

omg it ticks me off so bad when Iola tags along with them on their trip to Hawaii. I mean really you could not stay home for a change. I mean honestly she brought nothing to the episodes. She said before that a nurse could not take care of her parents because the nurse had to be hospitalized, so how could she leave her parents for a week??

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[–] tinkerbell_jonna 8 years ago

The one I thought was odd was when Iola's mother kicked her out and Iola moves in with Mama and starts taking over... Did she REALLY expect Mama ~Vint and Naomi~ to support her financially indefinitely? It seems like Iola had this idea that EVERYONE was just intrinsically suppose to support her, like going on the Hawaii trip, moving in with Mama, etc....

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[–] jessicafaith-54727 8 years ago

EVERYONE was just intrinsically suppose to support her, like going on the Hawaii trip, moving in with Mama, etc....

Jonna, Iola paid her own way on the Hawaii trip.

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[–] deem_bastille 8 years ago

what show are you watching?

uh.... support her financially like how Mama supported Vint and Naomi? srsly, they banked all of their earnings and brought nothing to the house. Mama paid all the bills. Iola rarely did anything to help out in the house.

and what is this intrinsically nonsense? she was trained for nothing else at that time. she wasn't allowed to do anything else!

and when she first moved in with mama it was because she took mama's advice and stood up to her own mother. Iola didn't have or see much of a problem with her mother until Mama pointed out how she was always sabotaging the events in her life. They were supposed to go on that cruise together and her mother, yet again sabotaged her daughter's happiness and quest for a life. Mama wouldn't hear of her going home to apologize, she insisted Iola stay a few days.

and when her mother threw her out it was at night. where else was she supposed to go? her home and Thelma was all she knew. especially when you get a left field response to finally standing up to your invalid mother and somehow she throws you out of the house. she was just in shock. initially they weren't expecting her to move in there forever, just a few days at most. enough for her mother to forget about it or eat them out of house and home and then need someone to cook.

and for crying out loud, you act like she sat on her ass and ate Mama out of house and home! she did all the housework! I love what she did to Bubba's jeans!

Oh God. Fortune vomits on my eiderdown once more.

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[–] tinkerbell_jonna 8 years ago

Vint and Naomi DID pay rent, even though they were late and yeah they did sponge off Mama a lot, but they DID pay something.

Sorry I just think it's a little bit odd to show up at someone's home and be like, "Here I am your indefinite houseguest to use your water, electricity, utilities, etc...." I mean yeah it's one thing that Iola was a caregiver, so her parents PAYED her to do that instead of hiring a nurse. BUT I just think it's a little odd for Iola to move in with Mama and to sorta expect her to PICK UP supporting her where her parents left off. And as far as Iola doing all the housework, Mama did NOT WANT her doing that! It seems like at best Iola was trying to impose herself as a live-in housekeeper and none of Mama's family wanted that.

As far as Iola having TRAINING, you don't need training to flip burgers at McRay's, Bubba did that and I doubt he'd had training.

So let me ask you this, if Iola had stayed with Mama indefinitely and Iola wanted to go to a sale or something and buy things for HERSELF, where would she get the money?

I AM a live-in caregiver for my elderly grandma, so I feel like I know SOMEWHAT about this, if anything ever happens and I'm no longer a care-giver, I THINK I will come move in with you, and be your live-in house keeper and you can support me, sound cool?! :)

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[–] deem_bastille 8 years ago

Bubba did have training. he worked in the kitchen at juvie.

and the point of the argument is can you support yourself. you can not support yourself or a house with the money from McRays. Those places are not meant for adults to work there 8 hours a day for 5 or more days a week. They are and were always geared towards teenagers. part time employment.

you read too much into this. It is just a tv show.

Oh God. Fortune vomits on my eiderdown once more.

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[–] tinkerbell_jonna 8 years ago

I have no problem with it being JUST a TV show, as far as the dynamics for a sitcom, it's fine, but the OP posted about it and put it in a little bit of a real life perspective, ~talking about Iola being pathetic~ so I commented as IF it were happening in real life.

So NO DEAL!?! Someday if I'm no longer a caregiver and I have to be out on my own, I can't come a live with you and do your housework and you support me? :( lol

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[–] deem_bastille 8 years ago

I have no use for you. I can't use you. Right now you are contributing to society, taking care of someone. afterwards you could always see about some sort of hospital/hospice/'retirement community' worker.

what is your point? she was only going to be there for that episode. you could tell that this wasn't going to work out.

Oh God. Fortune vomits on my eiderdown once more.

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[–] tinkerbell_jonna 8 years ago

afterwards you could always see about some sort of hospital/hospice/'retirement community' worker.

Ah so then Iola DID have some training, she could have done the same thing.

I have no use for you. I can't use you.

Just as Mama had no use for Iola's services, yet you defended her by saying SOMETHING to the effect of, "It's not like Iola was just sitting around doing nothing, she was doing all the housework...." So it'd be the same here, if I moved in with you, it wouldn't be like I'd just be sitting around twiddling my thumbs, I'd be doing all your housework.

she was only going to be there for that episode. you could tell that this wasn't going to work out.

From Iola's perspective ~as well as Mama's~ It was indefinite.

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[–] deem_bastille 8 years ago

it's
just
a
show...

it's
just
a
show...

Oh God. Fortune vomits on my eiderdown once more.

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[–] WhoAteMyCookie 8 years ago

Iola's parents managed to purchase a house so there was income at one time. Possibly, if you want to put a real life scenario to it: the father could receive a pension in addition to both parents receiving SS. The home was likely paid off eliminating a mortgage, Iola was the caregiver and may have taken a payment for this out of the SS, saving it. The parents may have a savings, life insurance, pensions, disability/SS, stocks (a lot of people in the 50/60's bought stocks and never bothered with them for upcoming companies that blossomed in the 80's: IBM for example), bonds, annuities etc.

Iola lived a very low maintenance lifestyle, she mooched her meals from Thelma, sewed her own dresses, crafted her own items, etc. She was not just starting out in her adult life but was moving into or close to her middle age years. By the time her parents died or she ran low on whatever monies she had, she would be close or at SS age (62, I believe at that time). Never mind that she may have had an situation where she agreed to take care of the parents while her brother lived his own life in exchange for some financial assistance.

A lot of people live on SS income and make it monthly so to assume a woman of limited means in a paid off home could not survive on minimum funds for years is unrealistic. Yeah she would have utility expenses but a single person living in a home crafting in front of the TV is not going to have over the top expenses.

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[–] alleycat-10365 8 years ago

A lot of people live on SS income and make it monthly so to assume a woman of limited means in a paid off home could not survive on minimum funds for years is unrealistic. Yeah she would have utility expenses but a single person living in a home crafting in front of the TV is not going to have over the top expenses.

Except you really can have "over the top expenses" if the roof needs replacing, washer/dryer needs replacing, the foundation of the house starts sinking. The reason I say this is because all of this has happened to my mother and an aunt. With my aunt she moved into a retirement living apartment instead of coming up with the money to replace a roof and cracked, sinking foundation.

My mother paid several thousand dollars for sewer system work and replaced a broken washing machine and it has only been one year since my father died.

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[–] tinkerbell_jonna 8 years ago

Yep!! That's what I'm thinking, and no one ever addresses that other than saying, "Iola will get an inheritance!" And I'm like, "Duh, but that won't last FOREVER!" But again in the context of a TV show we're probably not supposed to look that deeply into it.

Anyway HOW could Iola even collect SS, don't you have to have WORKED...I mean outside the house?

In all likelihood when Iola's parents pass on, Iola will probably move in with Thelma and may take care of her in her old age to which Iola would be paid out of Mama's pension and SS.

Someone once brought up an interesting idea, PERHAPS Iola did have a part time job of some sort on the side, b/c you gotta remember VERY LITTLE is reveled or known about Iola's life when she's not at the Harper house. The inside of her house was never even shown, so it could be that Iola had a SEMI-life, anyway, when she's not hanging around Mama.

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[–] alleycat-10365 8 years ago

Anyway HOW could Iola even collect SS, don't you have to have WORKED...I mean outside the house?

I know, I didn't understand that either because the social security money would stop when her parents die.

Someone mentioned she could take in boarders and that sounds like a good idea but I bet in reality it isn't because if all of that happened: roof starts leaking, washer/dryer doesn't work. They would complain if Iola couldn't get it fixed and could even take her to small claims court. That has actually happened several times to my aunt who manages an apartment building in Silicon Valley, CA. Although, in her case I'm sure it's the corporation that owns the building that has to pay off these lawsuits and get things fixed, not her.

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[–] rndgurl (130) 7 years ago

It would have been funny if Iola's career had been that of a home ec teacher, that would have suited her.. would have been some funny to see her in a classroom in her pink gingham dress (she even wore that as a kid in one episode!!) teaching her handicrafts.. LOL

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[–] rndgurl (130) 2 years ago

These days she would sell her handicrafts online like on Etsy or Ebay which would make her some spending money

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[–] rndgurl (130) 2 years ago

Also, she may sell the house to someone after her parents die, and use that money to get a small apartment..

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[–] 8 years ago

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