I agree that Gene is portrayed as a mature, complex person.
It's not always easy to do this in a film or play, in which impressions have to be made quickly, and focus returned to the main theme. But here are some indications of Gene's maturity, and even ways the script covers any misconception viewers of all types might have that he's a weakling, in basic "here's a man" movie shorthand:
- he is not financially dependent on anyone.
- he was a Marine who served at Iwo Jima.
- when his father boasts about the above, Gene clearly doesn't need his war service to define him, or to be portrayed as a hero.
- he has suffered terrible loss, in the death of his first wife.
- he doesn't dwell on that loss, or use her memory to gain sympathy.
- he doesn't hide his flaws and mistakes, or try to project a perfect image.
- he talks to people honestly, and says what he feels.
- he cares about his mother and sister -- much more than his father does.
- he has no macho issues about moving to where his fiancee already has a life and a career, and, while concerned about the details, has no fear of change.
- he is concerned about his move affecting his father.
- despite the crappy way his father treats him, he is willing to have Tom come live near him.
- he is horrified at the idea of his father being in the care facility he looks at.
- he continues to care for his father after their blow-up, as the epilogue tells us.
In general, I think the film conveys his attempt to reach his father emotionally not as that of a child who desperately needs approval, but that of a man who has matured, and is still sort of astounded that his father never has. He keeps wanting to give his father a chance to act like a fully-formed person.
Tom is the one trapped in the past, and often still reacting like a petulant child. We can admire him for supporting his mother and sister, going on to a life of local importance, and supporting his family financially. But, as the film shows us over and over, he is the one who never matured past a certain point:
- he can only deal with people by presenting his Official Self -- full of oft-repeated stories, like tapes that run without any effort on his part.
- those stories are almost always about himself as a victim, a hero, or both.
- his reaction to his wife's death, when he is not being his Official Self, is to go off into a reverie about a girl he courted in his youth, or his adoration of his own mother, and her death -- he seems quite obsessed with things he never got past, never processed, from his own childhood and youth. It's not just nostalgia, or one sadness leading to another -- it really is portrayed as unfinished business, I think.
- he never seems to show any real grief for his wife, as herself -- it's all about him.
- he is unable to tolerate not getting his own way, or delay his own gratification -- he wants to go to the Rotary, he goes, never mind that his wife is seriously ill in the hospital.
- he's a bigot, dumping his daughter from his life (and his wife's) because she married a Jewish man (I see the "if you're not in our group, you're bad" mindset of bigotry as being childish).
- when challenged in any way, he tries phony cajoling very briefly, then goes straight to insult and guilt-mongering -- he doesn't seem to have learned any of the adult nuances of conversation.
- he admits no weakness, except in his self-pitying reveries and when he can get something out of it.
- he is much needier than Gene -- he wants to control his son, and no amount of respect, gratitude or actual help is ever enough.
- his last line, about living his whole life so he could look any man in the eye and tell him to go to hell, is like the defensive cry of a toddler in a tantrum, or a teenage gang member -- it is not the comfortable statement of a man in his 80s who knows he has lived a good life and doesn't need to prove anything to anyone.
That doesn't change the fact that my answer to the question at the top of this thread is still "yes." I have plenty of sympathy for someone like Tom. I don't think he's a villain -- some combination of his nature and his experience made him limited.
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jschillig
10 years ago
Marvelously put.
I'll reiterate something I said in another thread: to my mind, Tom's worst character flaw, and what poisons his relationship with his son, is his belief that he is entitled to love. He thinks he can command it...he never seems to do much to earn it.
After all, what causes the final breach between himself and Gene? The fact that his son--an ADULT, mind you--wants to start a new life elsewhere with the woman he loves! Most parents...well, they'd miss their kids, but they know that the kids have to lead their own lives sooner or later. Tom treats it as a personal affront.
Then there's the bit that kind of sticks in my craw...that last Thanksgiving of Carol's life that Gene describes. Tom made it (as you said above) all about him-- "our day is nothing without you, couldn't you just stop in for a few minutes?" If I had a son whose wife was dying, my own Thanksgiving would be the LAST thing on my mind. I'd be asking him what I could do to help him. I don't think it matters that much that I'm female...any father worth his salt ought to do the same as a mother.
It isn't that I don't feel any sympathy for Tom...he is a rather tragic character. As you said, he's not a man who can look back on a life well lived and with no regrets. It's all due to those fatal character flaws.
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practicepiano
9 years ago
I imagine that what makes a person turn out like Tom varies from one person to another.
I'm sure that needing to keep putting one foot in front of the other, surviving huge hardship, can lead to setting a lot of feelings aside.
I think that was a lot of what made my grandmother who she was, and we were all grateful for the heroic things she did and the strong, loving person she was.
But there is another aspect that I see in the character of Tom, and in a few people I've known (not in my grandmother, I'm happy to say!) -- narcissism.
I know a flashy, obviously self-centered character is what we usually think of when we picture a narcissist. But I think that narcissism is present in people like Tom. They may not be vain about looks or riches, but it's there.
All of their stories are about their being the hero, the victim or the only person around with any sense. Nothing is ever their fault. They never seem to get enough from others -- they always need more. They act like the boss when control suits them, and a helpless unloved baby when denied.
They take some responsibility (especially when they can get credit for it), serve others when it works for them, take stands and make grand statements, and can be charming, flattering, generous and even briefly self-effacing, until those around them fail to toe their line.
If their ideas and projects for directing others' lives don't meet with instant applause, they get petulant, hurtful or just move on.
And they never really listen.
As I said in an earlier post, because they are the helper/hero/public servant type, with a charming facade, the people they hurt get no sympathy from anyone who has not yet experienced the darker side of their personality.
Do I still have sympathy for Tom and the people I've known who are like that? Yes, absolutely. They seem to be trapped in a cycle they can't break, even when someone reaches out to them or challenges them.
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