How We Won the War
When I first saw this film, I wondered how we managed to win the war when half of England seems to have been part of a spy ring. Then I realized that the question answers itself. This spy ring was so incompetent that Allied victory was inevitable. How do you suppose their planning sessions went?
"Hmm ... how shall we pass on this microfilm stolen from an office in London to our tailor-spy, also in London? Should we surreptitiously hand it over on a tube station platform? Have the spy who stole it patronize the tailor's shop? No ... too obvious.
I know! Let's bake the film in a cake (made with real eggs because we spies laugh in the face of rationing, as you can see from our womenfolk's elegant and extensive wardrobes). We'll use the cake as a prize at a village fete in a rural town; we can use Lembridge, where everyone is a "friend of Adolph", if you know what I mean. Wink, wink. We won't just tell the tailor what weight to guess or send him a coded message. We'll have him visit the fortune teller's tent and say a super-secret obscure phrase that no one could possibly use by accident. It doesn't matter which fortune teller is in the tent because, well, see above re the Nazi-loving Lembridgers, and they all know the correct weight to give anyway because we spies share everything.
To eliminate the chance that any non-spies will wander into our fete, we'll hold it in the middle of the night, which certainly will not draw attention from the few non-Nazis in the Lembridge vicinity. If a stranger does show up, confounds our foolproof plan to conceal the correct weight and tries to take our precious, eggy cake away on a train, we'll be sure to have a back-up plan where a fake blind guy gets on the train, sits in the same carriage (where the interloper will certainly offer him some cake) and creepily but artistically crumbles a piece of cake before bashing the interloper on the head and running off with the eggcake into an air raid. Much easier than just pointing a gun at him and saying 'give me the cake!'
We're so clever, we spies. We can't lose! Heil Hitler!"
Seriously, I loved Ministry of Fear for the sinister atmosphere, handsome cinematography and even handsomer Ray Milland, but the plot made absolutely no sense.