ASR attends controversial circus and is labelled animal cruelty advocate
Just when it looked like this IMDb page was growing dull, a new controversy has surfaced, as if to purposefully pique our wavering interests. Here's a summary: Robb recently attended some novelty circus performance -put on by notorious animal-rights violators Ringling bros.- and posed in a pretentious and impassive fashion before an elephant that looked like it had been recently acquainted with a bullwhip. As an animal lover I found this rather discouraging (as if the fact that such diabolical acts of cruelty are still perfectly legal did not shock me enough), though I daresay her actions were merely ignorant rather than malicious, and were by no means a sign of contempt or disparagement towards animals and their 'rights'.
In any case, her Facebook is flooded presently with resentful comments regarding her equanimity towards elephants' mistreatment, both from fans and from eclectic social media enthusiasts who I guess just randomly showed up and decided to make their anger known.
One vehement passer-by wrote:
'You should be ashamed to make publicity by torturing animals. Look at their eyes and you'll see that for them is no joy (sic, horribly structured). Horrible person!'
Another comment of interest came from a poorly-educated American, who said derisively:
'I have to be honest, I have no idea who you are (then how, pray, did you stumble upon this? Ed.), I'm guessing your (sic) a celebrity or such. I saw this photo and I had to say what makes you think this is right? This poor elephant like so many of the other animals in this circus are treated terribly and with intense cruelty. How is this entertainment? It is vile. If you think different your (sic. Really?) stupid! Money doesn't buy you brains obviously (well done). Apologise to the animals for glorifying this torment.'
This chap should watch Jurassic Park 3. Some of the worst things imaginable are done with the best intentions, remember. Anyhow, his plea read as follows:
'If you really are fans (you) will understand that (she did it) with good intention(s).'
A girl named Stephanie invents/discovers a new form of blindness, misses an apostrophe and reminds us of a dim and distant time period in which we no longer live:
'Looking at that Elephant slave, if you people cannot see the pain in her eyes, you are emotionally blind! They are not here for humans(') entertainment, this is NOT the 19th century!!!'
One vociferous man was adamant that magic was the answer:
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The 'low sperm-count spell' in particular seemed to leap from the page.
One woman, sporting the Mona Lisa as her profile image, gave a worryingly accurate account of the poor elephant's treatment:
'The elephant was beaten, poked with a bullhook, shocked with a taser, confined, shackled and chained.'
One man decided to show his support for a year-old Samsung product, whilst managing to portray the never-before-seen wink/despondency combo that was surely written plainly across his face as his fingertips graced the keyboard. He also appears to be laughing, providing an extraordinary insight into quite how many emotions we can feel at once. He 'stated':
'Haaaa... S2 ;('
As if determined not to let the record pass them by, someone else attempted the laugh-weep combination, this time adding words in a ploy to procure more adulation and praise. Marks, however, were lost due to a botched use of phonetics and an unnecessary use of profanity. Subject A, therefore, was awarded the Gold. Just for the sake of interest, here is Subject B's entry:
'Taha :,( *beep* myyy lifeeeee'
Meanwhile, an idiot decided to give us his two cents by writing a mistake-ridden comment that appears entirely unrelated to the issue at hand. He declared:
'Got (sic, assume 'God') gave us circus animals (sic, requires a hyphen, a semi-colon or any other appropriate piece of punctuation) they have bin (sic, presumably 'been') around before Jesus .'
After I laughed at that, I observed that a certain passer-by, Kim Jordan, had referred to Robb and her soul as 'ugly'. Said individual was swiftly set upon by doubly vengeful fans, one of whom uttered the following:
'U Wat ('you what', I presume), Kim Jordan? Your (sic, for God's sake...) the ugly b*tch'
Another fan was a little more level-headed, and, dare I say it, somewhat more intelligent:
'@Kim Jordan You should be open minded Kim! She and the elephant are both beautiful, she didn't know that the animals were tortured. You need to leave her alone!'
Several self-righteous fans took in the photo and were incapable of supporting Robb further:
'My daughter used to be a fan of yours, she will never ever be allowed to support anything you do now.'
'Our family fell in love with your acting in Soul Surfer but I can not support you so long as you support this.'
The former comment displays a staggering level of parental autocracy, while the second makes Soul Surfer sound enchanting, but regardless the prevailing agony in what they perceive as betrayal is made obvious through their regretful testimonies.
An ostensibly foreign bloke seemed totally discombobulated as he stressed, with no obvious reference to a particular incident:
'What?'
Another foreigner, either illiterate or determined to abstain from reading Robb's description of the photo (it says 'at Ringling Bros. last night') wondered:
'Where were you?'
There were, of course, the sycophants, who collectively had little of value to offer beyond poorly-structured declarations of infatuation, many of which were accompanied by tenuous Valentine hearts or multiple crosses.
Finally, one ravenously hungry reader found it necessary to declare his penchant for a certain domesticated bird, presumably in its edible form:
'TURKEY ♥'
So, are you an animal lover or related activist that cannot believe the ignorance shown by AnnaSophia Robb in attending this performance?
Are you a fan of the actress, determined to express your love for your kindred spirit whilst furiously threatening to tear her haters apart?
Do you have an affinity for amateur tabloid journalism?
Do you intend to boycott circuses?
Do you own a 'Spork'?
Feel free to express your opinions on any or all of these questions in the comments section below.
And no, I have not been hacked, this is Holden good and proper.