True story about meeting a gril 8 years ago

Eight years ago, there was some two bit chump with young lady with "huge tracks of land" in his arms. He and his friends weren't treating her very well, and then her eyes seductively winked at me as she blew a kiss. She was queen of the butterfaces, despite having quite a body otherwise.

The two bit chump said, "Hey mister. Don't look at my girl's breasts!"

To which I replied, "I'm not."

He said, "Oh yeah. What color are her eyes?"

Instantly, I said, "Blue. What color are her glasses?"

He stammered, "uh...huh.....erm..."

I replied, "You've never even looked at her face, obviously. She doesn't wear glasses. "

This shocked everyone at the table. Embarrassed, the two bit chump knew the gig was up. His face turned red and him and his buds slipped out the door.

The lady came over and aggressively introduced herself as Sid, and threw herself at me. She wanted to hang out, but I was just so embarrassed by how ugly her face was. Thinking it would get rid of her, I told her to put a paper bag over her face. She goes to the wait station and cuts holes in a to-go bag and put it over her head. I was shocked. I asked her, "Doesn't that feel dehumanizing?"

She replied, "No. I'll tell you what's dehumanizing. You're the only person since I hit puberty to ever look me in the eyes. "

Well we hung out for a bit, and out of the dozens of people we interacted with, not one person noticed that she was wearing a paper bag over her head...I mean, her body was rockin!

Well, I took her back to her place and stole her virginity....while making her keep wearing the bag of course. That's the only way I could keep it up.

I wonder what Sydney Sweeney is up to these days. Anybody know?