Added number points just for clarity
“TOUGH
(1) one young son is tough, takes it "ok", cries a bit, understands things die, accepts it and moves on to the new dog.
SENSITIVE
(2) another young son is sensitive, loses it, cries a lot, acts out, doesn't want to accept it, and seems like he needs therapy.”
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I would argue that your first example actually demonstrates being ‘tough without being insensitive’ , which is an ideal personality trait that will help one go far in life.
Often, when some people (not you 123GUY) talk about being TOUGH, what they really mean is ‘acting like an insensitive asshole’ and might suggest something like, “It's just a dog! Get a new one and get over it!” This attitude is unhelpful and damaging.
(1) The person in your first example is tough while also successfully navigating their emotions during the grieving process in a way that allows them to continue fulfilling their societal roles and functions. This type of resilience will get one through many of life's unexpected difficulties, such as the loss of a loved one, while also processing and acknowledging one's emotions in a healthy way.
(2) Your second example describes someone who is such an emotional mess that it causes significant distress and impairment in their life, and, as you astutely suggest, probably needs professional help.
TL;DR The individual in your first (1) example embodies a balance between being tough and sensitive that will go far in life.
*Also, I feel compelled to mention that not everyone shows their emotions by crying, and just because someone might not cry at a funeral or when their dog dies, does not mean they are being cold or insensitive; they may just process their emotions differently. It’s only a problem when the way they process their emotions causes problems in their lives or the lives of others. I only mention this because I never cry at funerals, even though I’m always saddened by the loss.
Good topic BTW
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Kowalski (75734)
8 months ago
I CRY OVER DEAD DOGS BUT DEAD PEOPLE....I AM WIRED WEIRD.
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VinceD (9815)
8 months ago
I cry during movies but for real-life shit, not so much, I'm wired weird too lol.
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sslssg (34245)
8 months ago
I don't really cry for real-life shit either, but I was listing to a song in the car today, wasn't even a sad one, and I cried.
I think that this question is really loaded, because it really depends how the situation is being internalized. I mean we can be tough in all sorts of situations, and even truly think that we are fine. The brain works in weird ways, and sometimes, something that we thought we packed away a long time ago can become an issue.
As to one is better than the other it really depends on the person and the situation. If the sensitive person can get through the event at the time through their tears, that can be fine. We all process grief differently. Sometimes the "tough" person might not be processing anything at all and be living with unresolved grief which could lead to other issues down the road.
So yeah, I'm kind of parroting what you said, but I like to add my two cents. :)
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123Guy (7307)
8 months ago
good answer too!
I'm seeing a lot of non-tough people in real life (not internet news and crap) and wondering how they would benefit if they were toughened up a lot? Seemingly incapable of dealing with normal every day life without "taking everything to therapy". I'm not AGAINST therapy, but has it become routine, replacing normal life experienced defenses?
tween tough and sensative, I feel tough is far more realistic. Humans never relied on therapy living in caves... they killed bison to live another day. Now, someone says any certain word, people are triggered to tears and can't handle their life.
What a mess.
They need to be tough.
To blaance, I know many well adjusted people who are also tough, and properly sensative. Not one of them needs therapy. MOST of my friends don't need therapy. We have each other. :)
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