When did your parents/guardians/grandparents stop telling you what to do? I'm 31 and my grand mother still tells me how I should live and what I should do with my life. Of course I don't listen but I'm wondering if its something that happens with other people.
edit: ALSO! If you have children and they are over 18, do you still make suggestions or demands about their lives?
They still do and sometimes it's very annoying
shareI'm guessing you are in your early 20s. Care to elaborate what they want you to do with your life?
shareI'm in my late 20's actually.They have a different way of thinking,they lived different from us during the comunism regim until '89,don't get me wrong I do appreciate their advice in many things,but it's hard to believe for them that everything changed.
sharehaha, that was too funny. i had you pegged for early 20s because of the way you are on MC. yeah same here with my grandmother. she's close to 80 so i realize she's in her own little world back in southern tx in 1955 but i refuse to listen to some bs that i don't believe in.
shareOh yes,my interests.
shareMy oldest brother is 61, he's got a dozen kids and grandkids under his belt, and he still gets a lecture on a regular basis from our parents. It don't ever stop.
sharethat's terrible! a lot of people might not agree with me but if my grandmother starts to say something about my life and how i'm living it, i shut it down so quick. i'm like that's cool, don't wanna hear it.
shareYou should hear the women on my sister-in-law's side of the family. They're even worse. People like to meddle and preach down the mountain.
shareNever. It never stops, until death us do part.
Older generations will always think they know better. Sometimes they're right, other times, not so much.
One of my favorite Mark Twain quotes: “When I was 20, I couldn’t believe how stupid my father was. By the time I was 30, I was very impressed by how much the Old Man had learned.”
shareI don't think it ever stops.
I think parents (and everybody) will make suggestions to you throughout your life.
Most of us will learn on our own. Just like the people giving you advice did.
We may think at times that we should have listened but at the time we hear it we don't realize that.
Making mistakes and learning from them makes us better people.
Because we can appreciate the differences.
Just listening to people doesn't really allow you to be yourself.
You'd listen and do it but never know what the other side is like.
Yes - it's a parent's right to tell their kids how to live. I do it all the time with my son as my father did to me. It is always sound advice.
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You're a wise person 👍
shareI operate under the assumption that if they want my opinion they will ask for it.
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Good point. I also assume I may not have all the information that they have, so I do my best to stay out of it.
shareI'm the same mjf if they want me they know where I am. The one thing I try hard to not do is interfere with the grandchildren. My mother in law used to do it and it drove me crazy, even telling me which soap powder to use!
My husband gave his son some advice about which college he should choose and he hasn't spoken to him for 8 years.
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No, not through our choice. There is more to it but basically he was offered a place near where we lived in a great college,it was his first choice and an unconditional offer. He really wanted to take it and we offered him to live with us. He allowed his mother to talk him into turning it down for a college nowhere near us (she is a controlling moo cow), his father just said he felt he ought to have gone with his own choice. That was that.
Very sad.
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B. Trust me, it's far from only older sisters. I have an older brother and his trying to control my life is infuriating and oppressive.
C. I agree. Generally speaking, toxic personalities aside, in most cases the motivation is love.
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A. Madness. I refuse to do that with my daughter. I will take the if you need or want my opinion, I'm here approach.
B. I'm 18 months older than my brother. We have a great relationship now, something I never thought would happen based on our childhood. I never want to lose that with him so I do my best to keep my opinions to myself.
C. Thanks for that. :) My priorities are very different from hers.
side note: unsolicited advice is such a pet peeve of mine.
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I don't view anything in this thread as unsolicited. Its been interesting to know I'm not the only one dealing with this! I love the distraction technique. I am going to try this next time I speak to her, thank you so much. She's into plants heavy so I'll ask her how to do something in that area. You are a lifesaver. :D
shareI am 30, and never. I had to physically remove myself from their state to be able to live my own life.
shareHow far away did you move from them? No contact with them now?
shareI see them a couple times a year. I live about a 6 hour drive away. I don't speak on the phone to anybody except my mother on Mother's Day. Literally all other communication I have is through text. They were very controlling of my life when I was growing up and I've been living on my own since I was 18 (12 years.) If I lived close, as my sisters do, they would insinuate themselves into every decision I make until I never really make choices for myself. My sisters allow them to do this but I will not. I am fiercely independent, and though my parents are super rich and I could leach off of them, I am poor and value my independence above all else. Under their controlling influence, it didn't and wouldn't feel like a real life of my own.
shareI only text my brother and I'll call my grandmother once or twice a week. That's literally the only time I pick up my phone. Its old school flip kind. Everyone finds this odd or asks why don't you have facebook but I've found this way of living is the way I want to live.
I value my independence so much and the ability to do whatever the hell I want. Several years ago, I listened to everyone about what I should be doing with MY life. After two years of listening to everyone and never actually making my own decision, I ended up being 3 grand in debt and in a slump. I was literally depressed at times because I wasn't doing anything that made me happy. I've since changed that and I couldn't be happier.
I'm glad you are living your own life PeteRose :) Everyone needs to.
You sound a lot like me. I never had facebook, and though I don't have a flip phone anymore, it took me a long time to have any phone at all. I was the last person in high school to have one. I don't feel the need to be available or accessible to anyone.
share I don't feel the need to be available or accessible to anyone - YES! I've thought this for the past few years. It has made my life so peaceful.
I had the facebook and the fancy phone for a little bit. That life is not for me.