Post your joke. I'll start
Coffee crisis : take a grain of coffee,tied it with a thread then sink it 2 -3 times in a cup filled with boiled water. At each 2 -3 cups of coffee,change the thread
One of the best pranks I've ever seen:
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=qW_gKJzJKNw
The world's funniest joke!:
"Two hunters are out in the woods when one of them collapses. He doesn't seem to be breathing and his eyes are glazed. The other guy whips out his phone and calls the emergency services. He gasps, "My friend is dead! What can I do?" The operator says, "Calm down. I can help. First, let's make sure he's dead." There is a silence; then a gun shot is heard. Back on the phone, the guy says, "OK, now what?""
Now,this seems like my styleππ
π I can just imagine this scenario on one of these reality cop shows!
Very funny!
LOL!
π
Crap, this one is very similar to a joke with a married couple... trying to remember it exactly. Maybe you've heard that version too?
shareEnglish sub added.Enjoi
https://youtu.be/c8kgG2Va3ug
Interesting.
I also looked this up, in the general psychology of Romanian humor:
The blend of pragmatism and the resourcefulness, refinement and natural liveliness of the Romanians' spirit gave birth to the wonderful, admirable and abundant satirical literature of mocking anecdotes, piercing stories and jokes, biting epigrams. From the entire Romanian mentality, the satirical epigrammatic spirit is the clearest, most precise and best-defined characteristic. In this respect, the Romanian was and still is better than in any other. It is worth noticing that this is again a mental feature that the Romanian has in common with the English and the Romans. The similitude between English humor and irony and Romanian popular irony and satire is so great that one might confound them. Indubitably, with the English as well as with the Romans, satire and irony are the result of a mentality that applies poetry in the pragmatic domain, for humor and satire have practical effects and they are, as we have said, a means of punishing bad manners and improving them. Especially with the Romanians, irony and sarcasm appeared from the peculiarities of the people, more intelligent, with a sharper spirit, situated in the middle of less delicate people with a lazier, less sharp intelligence and thus, in an obviously inferior position to the Romanians. Proof is the fact that Romanians' irony and humor are particularly aimed at the neighboring peoples. Romanians have always laughed especially at the Serbs and Bulgarians, Hungarians and Turks. They have always considered themselves superior to these neighbors. And from the awareness of this superiority were derived all the jokes and ironies they made on their account. For instance, even today the Romanian laughs at the Serb, whom he considers stupid, hence the saying: green horse and clever Serb; he also laughs at the Bulgarian, whose head, he says, is empty as a pumpkin.share
And the world's highest rated computer generated joke!:
"What kind of murderer has moral fiber?" β "A cereal killer."
And one of my personal favourites:
"Sherlock Holmes and Dr Watson go camping and pitch their tent under the stars. During the night, Holmes wakes his companion and says: Watson, look up at the stars and tell me what you deduce.
Watson says: I see millions of stars, and even if a few of those have planets it's quite likely there are some planets like Earth, and if there are a few planets like Earth out there, there might also be life.
Holmes replies: Watson, you idiot. Somebody stole our tent!"
Hahahaha (you had me laughing in the office). Never saw that coming.
Good night Holmes.
Two hydrogen atoms meet. One says "I've lost my electron."
The other says "Are you sure?"
The first replies "Yes, I'm positive."
π
Sehr subtilπ
shareYou can't trust atoms. They make up everything.
shareOMG it's Professor Proton!
shareHello there, nice to be with you today.
share
Did you hear about the Buddhist Monk who refused Novocaine during a root canal?
His goal: transcend dental medication.
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Quite good!
But no Romanian grain of coffee tied to a thread gasser like that other guy hadπ
True.
Two Eskimos sitting in a kayak were chilly, so they lit a fire in the craft. Unsurprisingly it sank, proving once again that you can't have your kayak and heat it too.
π
Heyoooo!!!!
π
A group of chess enthusiasts checked into a hotel and were standing in the lobby discussing their recent tournament victories. After about an hour, the manager came out of the office and asked them to disperse. "But why?" they asked as they moved off. "Because" he said, "I can't stand chess nuts boasting in an open foyer."
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THATS the stuff!
share
A woman has twins and gives them up for adoption. One of them goes to a family in Egypt and
is named "Ahmal." The other goes to a family in Spain: they name him "Juan".
Years later, Juan sends a picture of himself to his birth mother. Upon receiving the photo,
she tells her husband that she wishes she also had a photo of Ahmal. Her husband responds, "They're twins! If you've seen Juan, you've seen Ahmal."
π
That was a genuine winnerπ
Im using that one next chance i get!
Thanks.
Mahatma Gandhi, as you know, walked barefoot most of the time, which produced an impressive set of calluses on his feet. He also ate very little, which made him rather frail, and with his odd diet, he suffered from bad breath.
This made him a super calloused fragile mystic hexed by halitosis!
π
very good
Poor Mahatma!
Thanks.
Three florists were behind on their belfry payments, so they opened up a small florist shop to raise funds. Since everyone liked to buy flowers from the men of God, a rival florist across town thought the competition was unfair. He asked the good friars to close down, but they would not.
He went back and begged the friars to close. They ignored him. So, the rival florist hired Hugh McTaggart, the roughest and most vicious thug in town to "persuade" them. Hugh beat up the friars, and trashed their store, saying he'd be back if they didn't close up shop.
Terrified, they did so, thereby proving that only Hugh can prevent florist friars.
π
So a Priest's car dies while he's traveling through the countryside, nothing but wheat fields and corn fields.
The Priest waves down a pickup truck, and the driver offers him a ride into town.
As they are driving, they see another broken-down car coming up, a really nice Bentley. They get closer, and the driver notices that the man standing by the car is in a suit and tie, with a briefcase. He recognizes the man as a lawyer from the closest city.
The driver, without even thinking, speeds up and veers toward the lawyer, intent on running him over. He then remembers the Priest sitting in the passenger seat, and at the last second he swerves back onto the road, barely missing the lawyer.
The driver, ashamed, says "I'm sorry Father, I don't know what happened. I almost ran over that lawyer."
The Priest responds, "It's okay, my son. I got him with the door."
=)
Ha!
Lawyer jokes never get old Frogarama
Well done
LOL, froggy!
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Not exactly a joke, but I love this. .
You're a poet but don't know it,
your feet show it,
They're Longfellows.