Could you ever disown your kids?

There is a certain point where you just would have to let them go. It is kind of like a car you have a had for a long time. When the expenses outweigh what it is worth, it is time to move on.

You have spent all this time, invested in them, and they decide not to change. It is not your fault and by the time they grow to a certain age, they should be well aware of what they are getting themselves into.

Then again, I am 27 years old and I am still supported somewhat by my parents. It was mostly because they bought me a house, when I moved out of state for college. The dependency on them for financial security is what I really need, especially to pay the mortgage and property tax. If they disowned me, I would be on the streets, literally.

Now days, even if one does not part take in substance abuse; they still come out on the bottom just due to job situations and not having some essential "skills" needed to get a livable wage job.

What is a difference between a person with a substance abuse problem, a college graduate, and a criminal? They can all be unemployable at some point.

It's a sad thing to say, but at a certain point I would if my child chose drugs or alcohol over getting better. It would be hard, but harder to watch.

I have another scenario for you. Our son is gay. He's a great guy, has a great job and has supported himself since graduation. He is now 37 years old and he and his life partner of 16 years finally exchanged marriage vows last September. We are very happy for them and so glad to officially have another member of our family.
What is sad is that several of their gay friends have been completely cut off from their parents once they came out. i can't understand this. Are they any different than they were when you "loved" them?
I find it terribly cruel and so sad. We can't imagine cutting off all ties from our son and for what? Simply because of his sexual orientation? We are just glad that he's happy and has someone to love and be loved by someone special. There are people, gay and straight, in this world who don't always find that. That is when you need the love of your family the most.
OK. I'm done.

If they do something evil enough, yeah.

Sometimes the kindest thing to do for a person that bad is to cut them off and make them responsible for their own life and problems.

The more you do for them, the more they will let you, and it is never truly appreciated, because they will always blame you or anybody other than themselves when things don't go right for them. They will lie and steal and promise every time never to do it again, but they do. Sorry isn't something you hear them say often and if they ever do it isn't meant. They expect you to forget about everything they have done before and to never get angry with them because of their behavior and actions.

At some point you have to have and enjoy your own life and that person should learn to grow up.

If you are already asking the question then you are probably reaching that cut-off time or are kidding yourself it will change in the future if you just help them some more. Sometimes there just is no helping someone who doesn't want to make the effort for themselves.

Most people classify addiction as an illness... so you should probably approach it like a disease more than a moral failing. The problem is that you have to balance the needs of your child vs. the safety and security of the rest of your family. I think you should try to help... but not to the point where you destroy yourself financially or put the others in mortal danger. I think there must be experts that can help coach one through this type of thing. But in the same way most wouldn't abandon a child because they were bipolar or autistic... one probably shouldn't abandon someone that has an addiction. Sure, perhaps it's different because it was self inflicted at the beginning... but then there might be psychological issues that made them start to take them.

I don't have children so I can only guess. I have broken ties with other family members, but I think it is different when it's a child of your own body, or that is what people who have kids say anyway. In general I don't have qualms about walking away from toxic people, or from relationships that are all one-way. All take (from me) and no give. So I think I could probably do the same with a grown child, but I can't really say for sure. I deliberately didn't have children so that I would not have to deal with that situation!

No, that's mean.