Donald Trump: "I will release my tax returns as soon as the IRS finishes auditing them. But wait, here's something! Obama's birth certificate! The proof that Obama wasn't born in the USA is...still being audited. I'd love to show it to you, but, you know, my hands are tied. STOP THE PRESSES! I have irrefutable proof that Ted Cruz's father was involved in the JFK assassination...oh, wait a minute, looks like that's still being audited, too. Hold that thought. On second thought, let's just forget I ever said it. Seriously, folks, I have proof that Obama "tapped my wires". Where's that proof? Ah, here it is! Oh, sorry, that's Vladimir's birthday card. I gotta get that out today. Where? Where? Umm...you're never gonna believe this, but it hasn't come back from the auditors yet. Damn, I hope I still have the ticket. Oh, that reminds me, my slacks and sports coat should ready also. Where's the damn tickets! Never mind, I'll look later. Wang's Dry Cleaners probably still has them under audit anyway. You're gonna love this! I've got "tapes" of my meeting with Comey which TOTALLY prove it's all a Deep State witch hunt...or in my case a warlock hunt. Wait...what's that,Jared? Under what? Underwear? Under water? Oh, under audit. I completely forgot. Darn, it's just not my day is it?"
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